So You Want To Be INDIANA JONES

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Our career counselor has some good news for you: Indiana Jones, the bad boy of archaeology, is based on real people you can imitate.

The Cracked Live Stand Up Show
hosted by Alex Schmidt

Featuring:
Fahim Anwar
Laurie Kilmartin
Ahamed Weinberg
Teresa Lee

Thursday, May 9th at 9pm
At Nerdmelt Showroom: 7522 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90046

So You Want To Be INDIANA JONES

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"His gun skills are... fine.
His sword skills are... guns."
Hahahah

robertmorris

I want to be able to survive a nuclear explosion in a fridge

ethanpatel

Pro tip: don't make Indiana Jones jokes to actual archaeologists. They've all heard it. A million times. They'll give you the death stare. I learned the hard way. Several times.

themarquess

You didn't even mention:
Join the Marine Corps as a teenager;
Learn to ride an unbroken horse;
Stay in 10K shape while drinking hard enough to kill most people.

CountArtha

Wow. I was floored to see myself featured so prominently in this video, considering how I'm subscribed and just caught it in my stream casually. I'm smiling from ear to ear. Thanks so much guys! 😃

Incidentally, I can actually give Indie wannabes some encouragement!

I'll disagree slightly with Alex (sorry man, love ya!) in that Indie is not actually fluent in all those languages. The clip of him flicking between the languages as Young Indiana Jones involves some with an accent that only an absolute beginner could have (in Italian he says "il italiano" instead of "l'italiano" and he gets the stress wrong on the basic word 'difficile'), some that are just one word etc.

In the movies, his Mandarin is so bad that I think the most unrealistic part of the entire movie is that they actually understand what he says (both in the opening scene & when he's shouting for the kid to grab the bridge), and that says a lot for an Indiana Jones movie. When I started speaking Mandarin and got my tones wrong as badly as he does, no matter how much context would help them, natives would still not have a clue what I was saying.

So, Alex is absolutely right that my 3-month intensive learning suggestion to reach fluency (i.e. B2 on the European Common Framework scale, or a level where you can comfortably interact with people in social situations) only works full-time, and it would be a stupid amount of time to reach that level in 20 languages.

BUT to reach Indie standards, where you just need to have a very brief exchange of a sentence or two with someone (and you are definitely not fluent) you don't actually need that much time. Reading the languages could take time, but again, he could have beginner reading levels and still get the gist of some things, even if another script is used.

This means that you don't actually need 3 months per language to be like Indiana Jones. As an example, one of the languages mentioned is Peruvian Quechua, and I dabbled in that myself too. Enough to just about ask a basic question and have a super vague idea about the answer, which may be enough to get directions. You can literally see me show this on my channel. But I did that very non-intensively (an hour a day max) and over just a few weeks.

A week ago, I literally just uploaded a video where I scream "Wake up" at the viewer in 16 languages, and I don't actually speak several of them. The only thing I learned in that language was that phrase, and it took just a few minutes to try to get my pronunciation "close enough" to be understandable, which Indie could do if he had access to a helpful native speaker.

This makes a number like 20 way more realistic. 😉 So rejoice Indie wannabes!

Otherwise... I fail miserably at all the other criteria. Damn. OK, so you win this round Alex...

irishpolyglot

he forgot to mention that you absolutely have to live in the late 30s early 40s, because that is the only time in history when the global political climate was such that any of that was possible

Burningnewt

Cody is consistently one of the best presenters Cracked has.

brentgauspohl

Cracked is on an upward slope with their quality lately, keep it up team.

TheBehemothGod

To be fair, I imagine Indie manages to out publish and out knowledge his competitors because of all his crazy adventures, rather than in spite of.

vathek

I experienced miracle trauma just by a magician revealing the card I chose. I'm still recovering

cillianbrouder

Can you do "So You Want To Be Sherlock Holmes"?

poducha

I feel like Indy's adventures can be considered field work... his research papers are basically 'I found this thing and nobody else did'

daleksec

Im learning a lot and trying every day to get closer to Indiana Jones skills. Wish me guys luck!

garfieldthecat

I have always wanted to be Indiana Jones!!!
#1 - Merp
#2 - Oh come on!
#3 - 2 Languages here!! oh ugh i need a lot more!
#4 - I can whip it good!.. well shit, not that good! :/ this is so disappointing
#5 - hmm ok i can probably do it..
YAY i can be Indian JONES!!!! Thanks Cracked!!!

SauceStache

I'm always being Indiana Jones. Whenever I see a door or a gate about to close, I run through and then at the last second reach back through and grab my hat!

ericsbuds

so you want to be...John Wick?....Hannibal Lecture?....Fox Mulder?

machodeth

b-but I want to be a giant space wizard who uses space magic to choke people when he pinches his fingers.I also want to wear black leather and have remote controlled flying fists. And a black cape.Cape would be pretty wizard

dankbullet

According to the Indiana Jones Wiki, Indy knows 27 languages. If it takes 3 months to learn a language, then Indy spent 6 years and 9 months just learning languages.

cadden

this is like a realistic version of epic how to.

deadherron

The language thing seems super attainable, especially if the guy is a PhD. The math on that is not all that daunting. 20 languages is 60 months... That's only 5 years. In The Last Crusade we see a 13 year old Indy who can already count in multiple languages, it's extremely believable that a man who travels extensively, immersing himself in the culture and language could easily pick up that many. Then you throw in bullwhip lessons... Ya. This is doable.

ReelSchool

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