The Real Reason You Don't Get A Second Date

In today's video we'll be talking about why dudes have a hard time getting second dates. Dr K breaks down why the darting advice out there is wrong, teaches the science of attraction, addresses the friendzone, and why you should talk about your interest.

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
02:34 - A lot of dating advice sucks
04:20 - Do not talk about your interests
05:21 - Shared emotional experiences
09:15 - Creating a hassle free situation
12:07 - Keep interactions 90 minutes or less
14:09 - Addressing the "friendzone"
15:14 - Conclusion
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Harvard-trained psychiatrist and former gaming addict Dr. Alok Kanojia—known as “Dr. K” to his millions of followers—offers a proven, tested plan to help parents define, set, and reinforce healthy boundaries around video games and help kids who have developed an addiction to gaming.

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#datingadvice #mentalhealth #healthygamergg

[jjhassy]

Can you make a prequel to this about the secret behind getting a first date

[josephstanichar]

I’ve gone on three dates with a girl and what I’ve taken away from this video is that for my fourth date I should write her an essay in Spanish.

[thetruetri]

So get an addiction and go to rehab, got it

[frishter]

Thankfully this hasn't been a struggle for me. Mostly because I never got that first date.

[sylviaodhner]

Stranger on a dating app: Meet me on a rickety bridge in the forest.
Me: Sure, sounds legit.

[vixantenna]

Yooo I just managed to secure a third date with a really attractive woman I met last week on Tinder. I'm 32 and it was the first time I went on a date with someone I didn't know before. We went to see a movie and later she invited me to her house. Last night we ate burgers and I followed her home on my bicycle. lmao (SHE INVITED ME GUYS)
For some reason I never got nervous and she really liked me and complimented my confidence after the second date and said she was really into me. I was just focused on being present and not overthinking, future-tripping or having expectations. I have been working on myself physically and mentally and I have had a tiny bit of experience with women in the last 4 years. Mostly talking. I think I didn't get nervous bc I'm dead inside but I had a lot of fun. Compliment them, be nice, be respectful, listen and think of interesting questions to ask and make it clear that you're attracted to them and they will give you little hints and openings.

[BellaOfBaritone]

Ngl, the whole "shared emotional experiences = attraction" thing is why, when I started group therapy, I made a vow to both myself *and* my individual therapist, that I would not get romantically or intimately involved with anyone until I finished therapy, because I couldn't trust myself not to let that attraction interfere with the therapy. It was the smartest call I ever made, because instead...I just started to befriend the others in the group therapy, and felt a drive to support them as much as they had been supporting me. Which, I was told, is the exact kind of dynamic the group therapy likes to see.

I even had a PTSD episode in the middle of a session at one point, and one of the others in the group session actually walked home with me to make sure I wouldn't get too caught up in my own thoughts.

Neither of us felt it was wise to start fuckin'. But we did find it to be wise, to start friendin', lol.

[materialsdan]

Yep, this is what I have been telling people ever since I went from 50 first dates to married. A date should be a shared experience not interview. And if scheduling a date is too much of a hassle it's probably not going to happen.

[Brave_SJ]

I'll keep this in my back pocket, it'll be useful if I ever get a first date.

[kubus_puchatek]

oh wow, didn't expect such detailed tips
most of the dating advice in the internet is very vague like don't be boring, show confidence etc.

[jiffpop]

Second dates are usually where it goes wrong for me, not the first date. It tends to be that the first date has alot of happy chemicals and idealization of what 'could be' and then the second date we get to know each other more, and reality sets in that the other person does not fit the expectations you formed.

[issac]

Hi Dr.K, i was the one who talked to you on the Tinder horror stories. I had a girlfriend now who i had been with almost a year :)
Just wanna thank you for all you had done, rewatching realize i did a lot of right things that made her chose me in the end.

90 minute or less, and was focusing on making it hassle free for her. I did all that subconsciously cause i discarded all the method i used in the past. Somehow trusting your instinct just works better. Sounds cheesy but i just believe in myself. Which i would had never done if i didn't had the conversation with you Dr.K

[Fenrisson]

Dr K, thanks for using the word "fucking" instead of a softer word. It really helps to get the point.

[compugab]

I really think that the job interview style of date is long over due to stop. Thanks for the info HealthyGamer and Dr K.

[lalakuma]

I generally agree with the first advice, but if you're currently struggling emotionally (e.g. depression) be careful about bonding with someone who is also in the same place. I've done it before, and some toxic aspects of your mindset might drag each other down and prevent you from getting better.

[johnnyregs]

Ive been dealing with this for a YEAR STRAIGHT. I got sober 4 years ago, got in great shape, have been making incredible strides in therapy, finally have a high paying job in a field I love and still i cannot get girls to meet me twice. They all say im a great guy but the most common phrase i get is "i just dont think im ready for a relationship." Well im sick of being the guy they figure this out with. Its emotionally exhausting.

Also what Dr. K said about rehab romances is 100% true. I never fell victim to that during my few times in inpatient but it's an incredibly common and usually hilarious phenomenon.

[KimHeiseArt]

I’m autistic, so this might not apply to all women, but I really like when men interview me lol. Or maybe, what I like is when men are curious about me and ask me questions. I also prefer deep convos over small talk (again, might be the autism) generally, feeling seen and heard are big turn ons for me

[stephenwilliams]

My issue back in the day was that I was putting so much pressure on every date. I didn't feel worth in myself and thought I could aquire worth by being in a relationship. So I spent every first date being super anxious hoping to turn that person into someone who validate me. It was a low key creepy vibe and never resulted in second dates

[lauraschleifer]

That last point about compassion vs a shared emotional experience is really important. Would you consider making a video that focuses on that more specifically?

[Wudu.Breaker]

Hi, thought I'ld leave a thank you. My health has been going down across the board, but this helped a bit to keep me grounded from my thoughts and worries. Thanks again