I regret ABA therapy for my Autistic Son | Aussie Autism Family

Today I share my regrets about ABA therapy for my autistic son...
#abatherapy #autism #neurodiversity

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[WillowT]

I am a speech language pathologist and I regret that I used to try and force my earlier autistic students make eye contact. I now know better so now I do better. My perspective also changed when I found out that I am also neurodivergent (ADHD). I no longer believe in working on social skills to fit in with neurotypical individuals. My focus is now developing friendships with people they get along with the best. I am happiest when I am socializing with other people with adhd! They are my people and I am socially competent with them. To people who are not adhd I am weird. I am not weird - I am just me.

[emily-fgfg]

You're not alone, I relate so much to this! When my son was diagnosed I did everything to try and "help" him. Now I look back on everything, the things like "we need to teach him how to 'play appropriately"', them restraining him from behind until he picked up a card 'earn' a few seconds playing with his beloved trains and them stopping him lining up, looking at his toys in certain ways, to the point he didnt even want to play with them anymore, him crying at every drop off, and the fact I couldn't watch the 3 hour sessions make me sick to my stomach. I watched the light go out of my son's eyes slowly for the 5 months he did it. I'll always regret it, but if we didn't try it and see what was happening I wouldn't be educated to the harm it causes. I'm so glad I pulled him out. There's a reason why so many autistic adults are now speaking up about it. An autistic person dosent need to be "fixed". They need to be celebrated for the unique perspective they bring to the world. Therapy should always be based on their needs and assisting them on improving quality of life, not changing who they are.

[brooksiebabyy]

I know this is an older video now, but thank you for this. I'm so sorry for the guilt you carry with your son - I know I would feel the exact same way and I empathize so deeply with you. As a mom of a newly diagnosed 19 month old, I've been researching everything I can about ABA and there are so many alarm bells going off. Her doctor wanted us to work her up to 20 hours a week, at 19 months! And the reward based system just NEVER sat well with me. We currently have her in PT, OT and Speech and she has been making the most wonderful strides. The very last thing I want to do is cause her any kind of pain or stifle the person that she is. ABA seems to be here to "train" people to be a certain way when what I want to do as a parent is support my daughter so that she can flourish into the person she was always meant to be.

[budgetforsuccess]

I have been in ABA since 2021 and the reason I started was to advocate for these kids. As an autistic adult I want to change the therapy to be more play therapy than the current state it is. I worked with a kid that lined up his toys and they taught him to play functionally and stop lining them up. The kid stopped playing with them entirely and I never saw him as excited to play after that. I reintroduce those toys and he lined them up and stimmed so happily. I loved it and I told the BCBA’s why take away something that makes him this happy. Lining up toys doesn’t hurt anyone it is just fun. I want to start my own company teaching autistic kids that it is ok to be themselves entirely stims and all. I grew up masking and I desire to teach RBT’s and BCBA’s the detriment of it. I will never force a child to make eye contact. I barely make eye contact.

[pixelpulse]

I don’t blame you. Not at all. I’m autistic, M24, and ABA therapy was awful. I just wish people will start listening to us survivors and make a different decision than you did. Stay strong, best of luck for your family 💕

[abbimackenzie]

Jess you made an informed decision with the information you had!! It takes a lot to reflect and change your mind. You are the best parent for Jacob hes lucky to have you

[TheMica]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been trying to get my toddler into ABA for a few months but seeing this totally spoke to my heart, I won’t be putting my baby into ABA therapy. Thank you. I completely agree that we don’t need to change them, there are struggles but it’s more important for them to be their true selves and feel loved just the way they are. Thank you thank you, you opened my eyes ❤

[LeCarla]

You are an amazing and brave mom to pay attention to him, his needs and for respecting your child!
I wish my parents were the same. My life would be so much easier with acceptance and the chance to be who Iam.
Yes, eye contact hurts and I have eating disorders because of food reward and others serious issues with masking.

Every time I hear attentive and respectful parents like you I believe that there’s hope for young autistics and I’m sorry that you and your son went through all this ❤

[sjones]

This is a lovely video. I love that you recognize the sensory pain that clothes are causing. My own son went through so many desensitization programs...and then started having his first melt downs. It's so hard to bear such discomfort for the comfort of other people. You words on compliance, too...my son would do anything any adult told him to do. It is still difficult, years later, for him to resist be ing so compliant. And the food worries! Same! It was difficult, at first, to recognize how much my son was suffering in his ABA sessions, because it looked so much like play. He was so relieved when we removed him from therapy. Your reasons for stopping therapy make so much sense. Jacob will learn and grow in his own best way--and of course, not being in ABA doesn't mean he cannot be taught skills--he just doesn't need compliance training. You are doing really well, mama!❤

[lindseygundersen]

I quit ABA for my son after going thru several therapists either quitting or being terrible. Looking back and now watching your video it really makes me glad I didn’t go back. My son hated it. But drs told me ABA is the only treatment for autism and I didn’t know any better! Thank you for
Sharing your thoughts

[ashtonaveryx]

I’m so happy you are his mom

Thank you for listening to the autistic adults. It means so much.

[leannestrong]

I don't recall ever being placed in ABA, but the problem is that even those of us who have never been placed in ABA may have received the same messages from our parents/guardians, teachers/school staff, or others who are supposed to understand our difficulties. I can recall two (2) years in school (3rd and 4th grade), where I would receive a 'token' if I was good for the whole class. If I had earned enough tokens by the end of the school day, I would earn a prize (usually a piece of candy). This was discontinued after those two years, which I was happy about, as the tokens and prizes didn't do anything to address the cause of my behaviors. I barely ever had any behavior issues that could not have easily been addressed by simply talking about it to find out what was going on.

[maritssabarajasvillareal]

Thank you. For this video, I have my ABA meeting today and I was so nervous because nobody tells us what the right thing for our children, now I have better understanding of what could happen to my kid, thanks again

[ShowreelBurkay]

I am so sorry that you had to go through a traumatic experience. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are a wonderful, caring mother. I am an ABA therapist. In our clinic, we do not implement the eye contact program. Our kids have free access to toys. We do not use food as a reinforcer. By the way, taking away a toy from a kid can be a punishment procedure depending on whether it is targeting the reduction of a future behavior. We are receiving training on understanding kids' assent, since some kids are non-verbal. We teach kids to say no, and we work with parents on determining goals that are relevant and helpful, with the parents' consent and the kids' assent. I think ABA therapy is a great tool for kids but needs to be implemented correctly. Therapists need to implement procedures with compassion, respect, and dignity.

[loricat]

Parents such as yourself are the ones that give me hope. Thank you. (autistic)

[aprildeangelis]

Working on skills is different than addressing root causes of "behaviors". What parents are sold for autism "treatment" is basically behavior training to address the downstream effects of autism. The first large scale study in the United States has finally been done and found that 86% of (over 3000 children) receiving ABA services either stayed the same or became "worse" according to autism-specific measures. ABA therapists are resisting using autism-specific measures to evaluate progress. 12 hours a week is nothing...parents were told to do 40 hours a week and no breaks, putting many parents into bankruptcy, second mortgages, etc. Years and years go by and the child is still prompt dependent, and therapists tell the parents to keep going, stick it out, the child will 'get it' automatically, etc. Years and years go by until some parents decide to look elsewhere. ABA was also used for gay conversion therapy. The intent behind it was to make the child appear 'normal' compared to peers. In the US no one bats an eye at 12 hours a week. No one stops to think that no child would turn out "typical" if they are spending their entire childhood in maladaptive, dysfunctional interactions that are not at all how "real' people communicate and operate. There are many things wrong with it in terms of self-esteem, self-other relationship functioning, self-regulation, co-regulation, etc. Most behavior therapists do not have child development training, nor are they keen to read the actual autism research, brain development, etc. It's unfortunate that for decades it's been lobbied so that now insurance pays for something that doesn't work, harms children and families, and has no outcome studies showing long-term success for autism. No one is discrediting success of things like potty training, learning to communicate needs to prevent tantrums, etc. But children who basically are trained to be people pleasers and work for love and attention, grow up to be adults who are either not independent, or who are vulnerable to abusive and even criminal individuals that exploit their social naivete. I've seen horror stories adults have shared and these are the folks who learned to 'pass' as not autistic.

[cherryy.redd]

This is the first video of yours I've seen. I saw it pop up and was like, "A parent REGRETTING ABA?? I never see that!" so I got curious. What matters is that you learned. I can see the love you have for your son and the pain you feel for what he was put through. I'm so glad you also chose to listen to autistic adults as well, as I don't see many parents who do that. You're doing the very best you can with what you've got, and I have a bad habit of not being as lenient as I should be with parents of autistic children. I feel for you, and I'm proud that you recognized your mistake. Your son is lucky to have such a loving mother.

[sbsman]

No ABA in my youth, in fact no Autism called Childhood Schizophrenia back then, but after researching ABA concluded I would have hated it, although mother sent me to band practice, boy scouts, church camps, spent most my time seeking solitude always feeling the awkward outsider, but overall was allowed at home privacy, nature/gardens, obsessed w construction sites plus children were allowed to roam in those times, parents supplied me w books galore, access to dad's workshop/tools and me "best seen and not heard", caregivers need trust believing that true autistics will find their way if properly motivated, we be smart but very stubborn!

[WRCorner]

My daughter had ABA for 2 years, I made sure that it was play therapy, that she her thoughts and feelings would be honored and everything was on her terms. However her former therapist decided she didn't want to work with us and separated from us in the worse possible way. I pulled her out of the program after that and probably wont ever start her on it again. She was ABA from 8:30 until she went to school and would be so tirednwhe she got home. Even though she missed having someone to plag with her the whole morning, she's happier now.

It's hard when your newish to raising a kid with autism and go through process of the evaluation, then find services and other help for them and all the research and conflicting information and views. I know potty training is one of the hardest things, it is with us and we stopped doing it.

[leannestrong]

The sad thing is that we don't even expect DOGS to act or communicate in ways that are more appealing to humans. Yes, we do teach them commands like, "sit, " "stay, " "lay down, " "leave it, " "drop it, " and then only offer a favorite treat or toy when the dog complies with the command, but we observe the "signals" the dog gives us to let us know that they are uncomfortable or want/need something, but we respond to those signals by saying, "don't touch my dog, that makes her nervous, " or filling his bowl, or taking her outside for a bathroom walk. We don't teach our dogs that their reactions are wrong (as long as it's not injuring anybody), just because the dog can't say, "this person that I don't know is around my owner, and it's making me nervous, " or, "I need to use the bathroom, " or, "I'm hungry."