Too Many Men Make This Mistake With Women (& It Doesn't Work)

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[thesuperdingos]

I did this in high school. Simped for a girl I liked. Didn’t know any better but it taught me at a young age to never do it again.

[ChrisW]

Anyone who has time to chase has time to make self improvements.

[ZWarrior]

When you decide not to be a simp, a side guy, a third wheel, a white knight, and choose to set your boundaries, think of it as taking care of yourself, not being selfish! Me, personally, if me and another girl don't have mutual feeling, I stop seeing her all together. It's a good way to start letting go of my feelings. Guys, don't torture yourselves. Give yourselves more credit!!

[larsf.]

Agreed, nothing good comes out of the friendzone. I thought it didn't matter all that much, until I saw how one guy turned into an outright stalker. Allowing a man to have false hope can be a dangerous game to play. Nobody wants to be Sideshow Bob.

[computerguy]

I like to think this realization comes with maturity. When I was in high school, I thought that the way to get into a relationship with a girl was to befriend her, and you end up in the friend zone. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you're single and you recognize it for what it is and resolve that your relationship with that girl is only going to be friends. It's far better, in my opinion, to be direct when approaching a woman you're interested in (not crude or explicit), but to let her know directly that you're interested in her so that she knows what you're intentions are. Then, if she accepts, only proceed if she reciprocates your feelings.

The other big thing is learning about crushes. It's great fun to have a crush and wonder if the woman you're interested in notices you or is thinking about you. The reality is that a crush is a fantasy relationship. At least for me, I was afraid to talk to my crush because if I talked to her and found out she didn't like me, then that fantasy relationship ended. And I think most men I hear talking really bitterly about their dating life have done everything based on crushes they've had rather than trying to find someone they can build a relationship with. (Not saying you can't with crushes necessarily). The problem is that I believe we attach too much meaning to crushes, and it can cause people (men and women both) to waste a lot of time on an effort that really isn't good or not going anywhere.

[universal]

I nuke friend zones ..

If she rejects me or tries to friend zone me she instantly doesn’t exist anymore to me.

[josephstevens]

"Life is a lot better when you're not the side guy".... how true, how true!

[danielm]

Thank you Courtney! Being able to know when to walk away is vital. If a man won’t respect himself, then a woman will not respect him or take him seriously. True loyalty from a woman is not found in a lack of boundaries or low self esteem.

[KevinDIntrovert]

I was the guy who lost the girl in this scenario. In my case, I did what I could & tried not to mess up (I think): I never forgot her birthday or our wedding anniversary, I took her out & tried to think of things we could do to keep it fresh, supported her dreams, etc. But, for everything I did right there was always some part where she said I dropped the ball. I mean, I'm only human, I can't get it right all the time & it just got to the point where her demands became too much & nothing I did was right. It felt like I was stumbling & struggling all the time & I honestly just gave up trying.

Other guys were always circling, promising her the a world of things I didn't have the energy to give anymore & eventually she bought what they were selling & I was out, no longer good enough & a "mistake she never should have made".

Longwinded & ranty, I apologise, but all this is to say, yes, there are guys out there waiting for us to mess up so they can swoop in but we're human & we're going to drop the ball at some point. We shouldn't have to live in fear of the "other guy" because of that. If you're making a real effort & she still can't see the value in that then it's not just on you. She has to take some of the blame as well.


I know it wasn't all on me but that whole experience has left me emotionally drained which is why I'm not even thinking of getting into another relationship in the foreseeable future.

[Omar--]

"The key of success is chasing goals not women" Facts 👌🏼😎

[davidimes]

Great video! Lesson usually learned the hard way.

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too."
Ernest Hemingway

Its so much worse when they never loved you in the first place

[vikramsamant]

When I was in college, I fell hard for one of my best friends. At that point in my life, I never had a girlfriend...mainly because I just had no confidence. And she didn't just friendzone me... she brozoned the hell out of me. We first started out as friends but then it became something very real from my end. She had had a boyfriend at the time, and I waited for him to make a mistake. And he did, and she broke up with him.

To say I was elated was an understatement. This was the moment I was WAITING for. I was the shoulder she leaned on, the guy she spilled her heart out to... I thought that since we had such a solid friendship base, it would take minimal effort to make her my girlfriend.

I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG.
As she emotionally healed, she started telling me about other boys she thought was attractive, and it KILLED me to hear her not notice what a great boyfriend I would have been for her. Then she started dating her husband.

That shattered me. I can't explain why, but it took me 5 years to get over her. I watched her and her husband date, get engaged, and get married. Obviously, she and I have not remained friends because I finally learned some self-respect.

Like Courtney said, I don't believe that this girl manipulated me. I allowed this to happen to me. I didn't have the courage to just tell her what was in my heart. Why did I stick around for a girl who never even considered me as an option? No one should be a last resort. I had no dignity left, no wonder she didn't like me at all.

I fell in love with the idea of what she and I could have been instead of looking at the reality of the situation.

Had I made my stance clear from the start, that doesn't guarantee that she would've been my girl, but I'll be damned if she wouldn't have thought twice before passing me up.

I have since learned my lessons; I have been on many dates, and I've had a girlfriend. I make sure that I don't fall too hard too quickly like I used to, and I make sure to see that she also puts effort in pursuing me too. To try to impress someone like a simp also means to be someone you're not, whereas now I can unapologetically be myself. If she likes me as I am, well and good. If not, onto the next girl. To pedestalize someone is simply wrong and that is holding them up to a standard that they're not at. Women are not angels; they're flawed human beings like anyone else. If I consider her a prize, then I am also just as much a prize that she needs to put in the effort to win over too.

THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER GOOD WOMAN OUT THERE.

Brilliant video as always Courtney.

[searklarak]

31M with 3/10 looks here - I was born with a large birthmark on one side of my face. I never chase women or act needy and clingy, but I often need to put myself out there and initiate more to communicate my intentions as I've had zero success with online dating and cold approaches. I work out regularly, dress and groom well, have a stable and high paying job (real estate business owner) and own my apartment downtown. Looks aren't everything as successful men advise you to prioritize your self-development, confidence, health and life goals, but over the years I've learned the hard way and real truth that looks do matter a lot since you still need a bare minimum to build attraction. Despite most women rejecting me, I'm not giving up and will keep trying.

[Graveyard_Hiker]

I’m so glad that i’ve grown out of that situation.
It was tough to realise this for myself that I lost myself to “make sure” she likes me as a partner ore lover.
I lost a few “friends” because of my realisation, but I won so much more.
My love life is a tough run to say the least, but I’m not chasing any girls who are in relationship ore something.
Its worth the trouble, at all.

[jatbatman]

Let's be clear... If you will do absolutely anything for her and you're not her boyfriend, she doesn't like you.

[littlebear]

I was told this by an old man a few years before he passed away. He said in his lifetime he figured one thing out well he actually figured several things out but this is one thing that stuck with me is that no man should be an option for a woman if you are an option then you're either second-best or she really doesn't care about you that much

[karolmot]

4:53 This is true of everyone, not just women. If someone asks you for something and you do it "with a smile on your face" they think it's "cool for you" and keep asking. Seriously, some people will even ask you to "dig their garden" without seeing that it takes several hours and is tiring.

[gregorymcdougall]

I've seen the side-guys being called "orbiters" because they're constantly orbiting a girl they like in the hope that they'll eventually leave the friendzone and move into the boyfriend circle. And I'm not too proud to admit that many years ago I was an orbiter. I wasn't even aware that I was one at the time. I thought I was just being a good friend. It was only in hindsight, after our friendship fizzled out, that it became clear to me that I had been an orbiter and that the girl had several other orbiters waiting in the wings. Though, I should clarify that the girl didn't use me for financial gain or as a way to be doted on. So, she wasn't using me in that sense.

[ImJiom]

jesus this is terrifying, knowing that I need to have just one more competition all the time in my life besides my career really makes me just want to subsist on hookers and therapists indefinitely

[guitarplayer]

Thanks Courtney for this refresher. She doesn't always make it one sided, but there are times when I share with her, like my art work for example and she doesn't ever respond positively or anything to them. It is like she sees it but just ignores it and relies with something off topic. I notice these little things which I think is the step in the right direction for me and my growth as a person and man.