Enneagram: Mental Health & Type 5

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching

Also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

It's simple, Give if you want to and are able to...no pressure!

Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.

#enneagram, EnneagramTypes, CliftonStrengthsFinder, PersonalityAssessment, self-discovery, Strengths-Based Development, Understanding Personality, Personal Growth, Enneagram Test Results, Unlock Your Potential, Mindfulness, SelfAwareness, SelfImprovement, LifeCoach, UnlockPotential, Motivation, strength, Relationships, love, soulmate, self-love, love yourself, intimacy, emotional connections, dating, communication, healthy relationships, true love, power of love, relationships, marriage, love language, love quotes, love tips, love and happiness, trust, love and relationships, love advice, unconditional love, happy, love, Myers-Briggs,

[livingdiystyle]

A question that I usually enjoy is, "can I get your opinion on something?" It easily gets me talking because it's stimulating and shows you value my perspective and makes me feel useful.

[kylewood]

5w4, life is meaningless, but that's beautiful because no one can tell you anything specific matters, all that matters is what you personally decide to focus on

[StephanieStults]

We try not to burden others with our problems or ask for help, because it feels like usually anytime we actually do ask for help it falls on deaf ears, is brushed off as nothing or even and people don't understand that if we 5s are asking for help... we've already reached a place of desperation and asking for help in anyway is an absolute last resort

[mandasee]

As a 5, I love the questions “what did you learn today?” and “what have you been curious about lately?”

[loriturner]

#7 Social Pressure - I’m a five and I can say that most people don’t realize that I am a five, due to my intentionally developed social behavior. I learned to be friendly. Once a person is close to me, they will see how often I need to withdraw, as well as how I carefully manage my energy. When I was younger, I was in YWAM and with people 24/7 - many times I would sneak out of my dorm in the middle of the night to walk by myself, or I would skip meals. As as a mother when my kids were young, I had a way of being in the room with them, but creating my own head space, or intoverting with people in the room. I always found ways no matter what.

[etienne]

I think a good question to draw a 5 out of isolation would be for example asking for an advice, or for concrete/practical stuff that could pique his interest and lead him to open up.

[syndetonation]

As a 5, I'll try to speak more to the "life is meaningless" aspect. I think this comes about a lot because a lot of us 5s tend to be so fact-based and empirical in their observations, and it's easy for us to fall into the trap of nihilism when the spiritual and metaphysical seem farcical to our worldview. But it's those aspects of life that give a lot of people meaning, and without them, 5s can find themselves with a lack of meaning. So, the state of unhealth for a 5 with this viewpoint is "life is meaningless, what's the point of anything?" That's nihilism. But if you acknowledge that as a living organism, you are here, and you have needs and desires - that's a place to start. And even if you don't find some sort of nirvana or spiritual awakening, there's still plenty of room for meaning. And it can actually be overwhelming, because the opposite of nihilism is existentialism. A 5 in a state of health realizes: Meaning isn't assigned to us by the external world. We assign meaning. We make our own meaning. So, it's up to every 5 to create meaning and purpose in life - and that's something freeing and exciting. Maybe there's no cosmic validation to the meaning we create - and that's OK. All the validation we need is care for ourselves, care for others, and trying to accomplish some positive contribution to the continuation of our species, no matter how big or small.

[Hannerloo]

wow. learning about your son's experience at camp, that was my whole childhood. I pressed leaders at church's for digging deeper, and my parents as well. I remember telling my mother I didn't want to be in my age group class at church because it was baby stuff, as I said. I was 8 years old, and was ready to talk theology. I felt like I was often dismissed, or told to disregard the inconsistencies and I just cannot do that.

[kvintaquilts]

5w6 here. Currently in a highly emotional situation with a husband that had a serious stroke (big blood clot in the brain). The uncertainty of EVERYTHING in his situation and the unkown impact on our future is driving me to the brink of crazy!!!
I need to know stuff, so my first impulse to soothe me is to gather facts, bad or good, doesn’t matter: I just need to know…
Hyperfocus and withdrawal totally needed there. No option to prepare and plan as we do not know where he ‘lands’ in 2-3 years, hence complete sense of inadequacy.
I miss him, as he was. I feel sorrow for his and my loss. I feel completely alone as I know others cannot change the current circumstances nor tell me what I need to know (the future), and as such I feel like a burden. And I cannot add that to his curr burden, nor can others carry it for me, even though so many people offer their kind help. Because cutting the hedges doesn’t help where I desperately need it, and nothing will… For now.
In this scenario self neglect is a very real thing for me, as I am so exhausted that I only have the energy for our 13-y-old son, and then nothing left for me. Complete exhaustion. Taking a bath is yet anither chore.
I am emotionally exhausted, I allow myself to feel all the emotions, when I am in my safe spot, that is when I am alone, and then I try to make it all work when I need to go out in the world and do all the things and interact with all the people… over and out😢

[RandolphTheWhite]

"...at my worst I can experience psychotic breaks with reality..."

When the imagination and reality begin to merge together.

[alphadevoir]

It's hard to find good 5 stuff, & intj videos that the creator is human; not computer, or A.I. generated. Thanks for all of your hard work Tom.

[Datdatdat]

I am a 5 and INFJ and have been diagnosed with OCD in the past but I think I outgrew it. but I feel like this is fairly accurate but I feel like there is definitely a meaning to life. I also listen to certain books at a sped up rate. I obsessively research all sorts of things and oftentimes forget to feed myself but having children keeps me on a better schedule. It is very important to keep relationships with friends and family but I realize I can go months without speaking to people and not even realize. I can sometimes do parties at a home or around some close people but feel like I wanna run. Can’t stand bars or clubs. Don’t want to do anything with large crowds whatsoever. I prefer small groups of people. I do want a relationship but I need to be myself and not have something too clingy. I feel like most of the time I come off as clingy because I would rather know what’s going on right away(just to ease my mind) but I don’t actually want to be up under someone. I like my own stuff and I don’t care to be bothered by things I know I don’t care about like sports or whatever. But I also don’t mind if the other person does. Some of this stuff is correct but I definitely feel I have a purpose and that there is so much meaning to life for sure.

[raina]

An important takeaway: Don’t throw a 5 a surprise birthday party. 🎉

[EmTreasure]

I found it really interesting how the "obsessive compulsive" idea and the "fear of the unknown / needing to know the answers" ties in really well with one another. I am a 5 and I used to have OCD, and a major part of dealing with and healing from OCD is learning to accept the uncertainty. It can be pretty tough 😅. Thank you for this wonderful video! (There was something else i was gonna say but i am in a hurry to get to an appointment now, so ill edit later if i remember this)

[darthlaurel]

Life is full of meaning but it's a lot of work to extract it at times ; I work very hard to not be a burden and I try to share the many burdens of life with other people (but I really don't enjoy it. I merely know that it is the absolute right thing to do); I have the right to intellectualize my feelings as feelings are extremely deceptive and often mask reality and isolation is profoundly essential to my mental health and I never get enough time to process my thoughts, life, experiences, and feelings; conspiracy theories are like a mind puzzle but I don't really spend a lot of time thinking about them; I admit to being obsessive and make lists because I have a very bad reaction to forgetting things; the unknown doesn't really disturb me but I do like having a plan for things that have elements that are outside of my control; I don't listen to people who don't know what they are talking about or who make decisions and constructs about the world out of their feelings; social pressure - yeah....even around my own people. I hate it and only do it out of obligation. It is painful and anxiety inducing; I know I am inadequate and I try to add value where I can. I also know what I'm good at and have a solid confidence in that; neglecting physical needs - yeah, that really is a problem, a failing, an area of neglect. If I could take a pill instead of cook for 3/4 of my meals, what a mercy that would be!

Having said all that, I have a son who is an 8 (I think) and a grandson who is a 5. God have mercy but they struggle with one another.

[simlucien]

5 Tom Judo'd 7 Tom in that debate 😂 which was funny, but it was pretty accurate. A 5 will seek to undo your entire plan/argument immediately and in 1 question with as few syllables as required. And a very common approach is to undermine the logic of what you're doing.

The "treat them how you want to be treated, I am! I'm not bothering them." And "why do you HAVE to draw us out?" are excellent examples.

To your point about the 5 need to debate, it's not debating just for sport and entertainment (most of the time), it's debate as a proxy for physical evidence for an abstract idea. If given a compelling enough argument, we'll concede and possibly even change positions in real time. But it has to be a very compelling argument. Because 5s examine their ideas constantly. Basically, you need to tell a 5 something they hadn't thought of that advances the 5's agenda or improves their positioning.

[don-ebfj]

On the question of being instructed by someone who can't or won't engage in rational discussion of deeper implications of a topic and only provide superficial non-answers: it creates the impressions that the person does not respect the subject matter, doesn't respect me, doesn't respect competence or their own integrity, and doesn't HAVE the integrity to honestly admit they don't know the answers, but expect subservience to their pretense of "authority" through a power imbalance and intimidation. I have great respect for those who display competence in any given area of expertise who are willing to teach others, and for those who are curious and imaginative and willing to explore, speculate, and learn; but I have only disdain for anyone who stands only on ceremony, and attempts to use their position of influence to silence honest conversation. Iconoclast?, damn right, an honest one.

[artanddesign]

“Trying to get into that 5 space and debate myself – it’s not going so well. But I would say we love you” LOL what an empathic and honest approach with a wonderful transition into acceptance and love! 15:34

[margaretjudice]

Maybe if you ask the 5 what videos on YouTube they have been watching. Or if you ask them about a specific topic they have been researching. I'm a 2 but I had a college professor that I didn't agree with on certain Bible topics. I didn't argue. I just did my work and worked to get a good grade. If you have good manners and learn about the topic and how to respond the way the professor wants, you usually get a good grade. College isn't always about how you feel or voicing your opinion. Great video! Thank you for sharing!

[StephanieStults]

22:00 😂 I absolutely love your sons reaction. He is absolutely correct. It reminds me of something i say all the time.... " I dont know everything about anything, but I know a little bit about a world of things"