Marriage isn't about your happiness

Today we tackled the countercultural topic that marriage isn’t just about your happiness. Oof, we know this one is a tough pill to swallow for a lot of people but in a world telling us to only pursue what makes us feel happy in the moment, we felt this episode was an important reminder that when it comes to your commitment to marriage, it’s always worth pursuing. We hope that whether you’re engaged, newlyweds, or have been married for a long time you find hope in this episode, knowing that marriage is a beautiful gift and wonderful tool for character refinement, compromise and selflessness- sometimes more than we’d prefer ;)

Love you guys!
Shawn & Andrew

00:00 - our biggest fight ever
02:12 - life updates
04:18 - why we are doing this and how we disagree
12:30 - “the point isn’t the “happiness”, it’s about support”
18:56 - viewing emotions (andrew's pov)
24:00 - being fully known and loved
28:17 - do you run away if there is no happiness?
33:05 - balancing the variables
37:40 - marriage isn’t about your happiness

#Marriage #Happiness #Refinement #Relationships #ShawnandAndrewPods

[ReginaGlick]

I agree with Shawn. The idea that marriage doesn't exist to make you happy keeps women stuck in chronically unhappy marriages.

[brijones]

My husband’s and my premarital counselors told us the goal of marriage is to leave our spouse better than we found them as they are a gift from God to us and we are responsible for their hearts and that daily we should wake up and think of how we can out-serve each other. I really like that perspective because it holds space for emotions but also emphasizes the covenant of marriage that even tho circumstances change, the covenant is steadfast

[AmeliaGrace-agb]

Interesting conversation! I feel like Shawn & Andrew’s mindset mirrors mine and my husband’s. It’s so interesting how men and women can have such different perspectives on life (as a general rule, I know there are exceptions or outliers). Marriage is the union of two different perspectives- the union balances out both sides. Trying to understand your spouse and see the world from another point of view makes you grow as a person.

[allyseib]

I love these topics from Shawn and Andrew because it's fun to listen to the back and forth banter. Listening to these it's funny how they both are saying the same thing in a different way.

[lg]

As a neuropsychiatric emotions and feelings coach for kiddos, I delve into the physical and emotional aspect of feelings on a daily basis. I would heavily lean on the fact that feelings definitely matter, fleeting or not, because they communicate us a deepee need. Under EVERY feeling there is a need. I would recommend everyone expand their vocabulary and recognition of feelings and needs in order to reach deeper connections with others. Andrew verbalized that he doesnt really connect to his feelings (if I remember correctly), have a list of feelings and needs in your fridge and learn how to recognize when and if you experience them. Underlining and unresolved feelings can show as somatic issues later in life. Keep the conversation going, good episode!

[dreamingmusicgal]

Andrew, I 100% agree with you. It's NO one's responsibility to make myself happy. I have to find the way to be happy not someone else to make me happy.

[genamartin]

Happiness is fleeting. Joy is the goal. Fulfillment is the goal.

[apr]

Even though you guys disagree, you have so much respect for each other & you hear each other out. Kudos to you & your marriage!

[ccampbell]

My husband and I have been in an 8 year long competition to see who can make the other the most happy. If you serve each other you will build an amazing life together.

[Jolieluxelife]

I think happiness is an actionable daily thing because every day you wake up and you make the choice, the decision, to be happy.

[macaylaclements]

I think I just watched how my husbands brain works through listening to Andrew, I loved this conversation!

[ligianavas-murphy]

Our vocations, in this case marriage, is our path to holiness. That’s why it’s so important, because if we do it right, we help each other gain heaven

[kimspeak]

I started watching this thinking I wouldn’t agree with Shawns point of view, after her explanation I 100% agree with her….your overthinking it is Andrew’s point and I agree with him as well, when your spouse is sad sometimes they need to be left alone to sort through their feelings we can’t read minds and also, the goal of marriage is to stay together even when we don’t agree.
I like that “me to support we” LOVE you guys and the topics 🥰

[jeffr]

It was heartwarming to observe the discussion on this topic. After 21 years of marriage, I remind myself of the importance of being kind and supportive to my wife. Although it can be challenging at times, I find that by separating my personal troubles from my goal of maintaining a healthy relationship, I can feel fulfilled in my role.

Relationships also evolve over time, and remaining adaptable greatly contributes to a happy life.

[angelapotter]

I'm kind of Shawn's side on this one. I think a lot of marriage is about happiness. While you do need to work to be happy independent of your spouse and you should NOT be dependent on them to find happiness, you should both be working to add to each other's happiness.

The other layer is understanding that you don't have to be happy 24/7 to know you're in a good marriage. Even in a good marriage you won't be happy every day. But in those hard times, you're working towards that joy and happiness.

[natashaboyes]

Don't let the negative comments get you down, this is a great conversation - it is MEANINGFUL. It is benefiting so many more individuals than those in here who are complaining. This debate is real, just like struggles in marriage are real. It's refreshing to see two people who clearly love and respect each other (and love Jesus) work through this disagreement together.

[angelapotter]

25:05 Shawn's face here is my face when I have conversations like this with my husband. 😂

[kaailyntaylor]

did you guys just spill the tea about doing a podcast with Hunter and Devyn Cordle?? I absolutely love them and I really hope this is a future episode to look forward to ❤

[valescawall]

Wow... I like this couple and the topic but I feel like I didn't need to be right in the middle of that conversation. We support you supporting each other.

[JaneFerguson-zlyd]

It’s about making sure that each other is feeling happy and content. Obviously we won’t feel happy all of the time however, we need to listen and understand