On Being Out of Touch With One's Feelings

It’s remarkably easy to fall out of touch with a key bit of oneself: one’s feelings. A short guide to recovering contact.

FURTHER READING

“An enormous amount of trouble in the world – especially at work and in relationships – is caused by a peculiar phenomenon of our minds: a tendency to be, as we put it, out of touch with our feelings. When we first meet this idea, it sounds strange, and even a bit insulting. How could we not know what we are feeling?...”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with Tracy Foster​

Animation and Direction by Tracy Foster

Character Rigging by Simon Biggs

Motion Graphics Assistance ​by ​
Gordon Howie

Sound Design by Howard Sinden

False 3d Font by Galdino Otten
Background texture by Fundooz Dubmash #TheSchoolOfLife

[Mirandorl]

The sad thing is, even when you KNOW this, you will still make the same mistake. It takes a lot of practice to be able to catch that "veil of consciousness" coming down. Like meditation - watching the breath is like knowing you're on the bank, watching the boat go past. Then suddenly you're ON the boat, with no recollection you were ever meant to be anywhere else, let alone watching the breath. And we're doing that, all day every day.

[StevenPalmer]

The speedup of society and communications has increased emotional barrage and decreased processing time.

[mithrilg]

Made me remember one of the first therapy sessions when it took me one whole hour to figure out that a certain episode of my life had made me feel "sadness". Up until that moment I had been so confident that I knew what feelings were, it's easy to say "they're crying therefore they're sad". But it was like a blind man saying the grass is green and the sky is blue.
I remember going back home in shock. The fact that I hadn't been able to recognise such a simple, basic human emotion without a therapist challenging my thoughts for an hour had been truly shocking. After that many things started making more sense, my lack of empathy as well.
I'm still not done with learning, but now, with my newly acquired sadness and anger, life feels much fuller!

[rosesprouts]

I'm really intrigued by these works, as always. I have a few mental illnesses and a strange childhood involving a lot of abuse. I have struggled immensely with dealing with anger or sadness. I couldn't cry in front of people, and I would refuse to be angry or violent with anyone until my anger broke and I'd explode and then go back to normal and suppress myself. I actually didn't know it at the time but especially whenever I felt like crying or being angry I would self harm. I had been doing it from kindergarten and up. Slamming my wrists onto edges of tables and squeezing limbs and ribs with strings are wire. I had never even heard of self harm or cutting until middle school. I'm still working to be able to cry. On my own. In front of people. And expressing my anger in a healthy manner. I cried in front of my friend last week and it was a huge step for me. I am happy that I could cry to myself whilst watching the Little Motel music video.

[DustinWearsPants]

I feel like being out of touch with one's own feelings is instinctive, to protect us from dissatisfaction, boredom, and or other such undesirables.

[kunjika]

Your contents are so practical, insightful and logical (majority of the times than not), it's hard to believe these are based on opinions and not facts. I am so glad The School of Life is free, and my feelings are aligned with my observer as I say this. Please take the following words as warmly as you can.

Thank-you.

[walk.]

If you are watching this, you are a beautiful person and have an amazing day 😊😊😊

[TheTonyEntertainment]

This is literally the best timing. Thank you School of Life. You make me feel less alone.

[hrnekbezucha]

Alan watts said "what would you do if money were no object?" and I sat down and concluded that I don't have the slightest idea.

[yianniskrompas]

i love you so much school of life. I feel less lost now that i found your channel. From a the bottom of my heart, thank you

[JINSEN]

That state of confusion of one's feelings is like a flux of empathy that one cannot be comprehended.

[undergroundskeptic]

This certainly reminds me of Freud's theory wherein the feelings that we felt (while growing up) were inappropriate and unacceptable were shoved down into our subconscious in the hope that we would never experience them again. However, the only outcome of the action is that it would be harder to suppress those types of feelings if we don't confront it with a clear and honest mind.

[sebastiankristiansen]

Have only been watching these videos for about half a year now. They're amazingly enlightening and honest. It's not only helped me but family members that have way more problems than I do. Thank you guys..

[gabrielonnerfors]

"Some feelings are like church bells that we can only make out when the city traffick has died down"

I just love this channel

[yamitsukikarasu]

The part where children are taught how they should feel reminds me of how I got Bordeline Personality Disorder. I am hypersensitive. When I started elementary school, I came to realize that the way I experienced emotions was the total opposite of what was expected of me. Teasing would hurt me more than most. I was then told to just ignore it, but I wasn't capable to do so. Then the other children started teasing me even more because I would react strongly to it. They thought it was funny.

After a year of it, I started to believe something was wrong with me. I became convinced I was a bad person because I couldn't meet up to other's expectations. Instead of becoming out of touch, I drowned in self loathing. After that, I didn't need anyone to denigrate me. I would do it myself. My symptoms started at age 7. At 20, I was diagnosed with BPD. I am now 24 and have been strugling with mental illness for the last 17 years. I'm working very hard in order to recover from this disease. It'll take years for that to happpen, but I already feel more like myself.

[cotywittmeyer]

I've watched every single SOL video. I'm familiar with the themes. I'm in tune with the concepts. I've adopted the ideologies. I saw Alain talk last month and read the book he was promoting. But this video has taken some serious effort to comprehend in the entirety it deserves. I like that. I like this. I like a School Of Life.

[chris]

I like that the videos are so short and to the point.

[kinsmed]

I love the variety of animation styles you give us each day.
And that piece at 2:30...

[Igor_lvanov]

your videos are like preachings. I watch them couple times a week and they help me to make better decisions in my life and be more happy and wise. Thank you

[twiznizzlenore]

Anger is a secondary emotion . If you really evaluate why your angry you’ll see that your really ;
-hurt
-scared
-frustrated
-lonely
-etc.
So next time you get mad sit down and figure out why your mad and you’ll learn something about your yourself 💯