Why Your Neurotypical Spouse Is Unhappy and Depressed

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[novel]

So what to do than with Asperger man???? What’s the point being with with one??? To live the whole life letting him just do the things he likes but you don’t get anything from that relationship that fulfils you?

[motionmuse]

Horrible. Feel dead inside from all this

[Desmondbrown]

I thought I was a victim of narcissistic abuse

[vanellesmith]

My marriage has lasted 10 years this year. I've lasted about 6of those. I feel deeply guilty because we had a son who is on the spectrum. His personality and traits were so near my husband's, that I started keeping track and taking notes of my hubbies so call ND behavior to make things make more sense.

It's like living with the Joker. I am depressed and have developed anxiety because of his behavior. His mother didn't help. She ignores the signs and chaulked him up to being a loser like his father. After he kept having this pattern of not being able to keep gainful employment and being depressed that he had to work I pushed him to start his own business. Now, he works as little as he can and does the bare minimum to get by. He says it's because he wants to do music in stead. I just have never seen him happy. I haven't been happy since we first moved in together. I suffer every day. I'm getting counseling to cope with being in a relationship with a ND person, and having children by him. I just feel ashamed and stupid. He is charming and fakes being happy to other people. To me he brings his sadness, misery and depression. So much so, that now I'm sad depressed and anxious. It's ridiculous really. I don't know what to do. I love him deeply and just want for both of us to be happy. There's just so much he will never get.

[julieallen]

I am learning more and more about an Aspergers man... an undiagnosed (except for my unofficial diagnosis), lovely man with a great deal of remarkable strong qualities. (But EQ not one of them). Thank you for your videos but one point that I feel, is that while your videos explain very clearly ‘what is’ and this is helpful, they are not solution driven.
As an NT in society, we are often required to behave in a way that is appropriate and while in most cases our analysis of what is appropriate is automatic, there are times when a decision to act in a particular way has to be deliberate and designed to make the most of the circumstances as well as bring out the best in our partner, (or just life in general). Certainly in relationships we do not get to please ourselves all the time and have social expectations we need to fulfil, regardless of whether we want to or not.
Possibly I have just missed those talks but despite listening to as wide a range of explanations from ASD experts as I could find, there is no discussion about what they (aspies)could do to help us feel connected, whether they want to or not. Because patterns can be learned by us all, Aspies or NT, what about just learning what to do to help us NT’s feel validated and noticed.
Paying compliments, for example. Am I being naive in thinking that an aspie could just a habit when you see your partner to say something nice about them... even once a day. While I have noticed that aspies do not lie (a very positive trait), there can be many genuine things to see where a deliberate, conscious, positive comment can be made.
While being false is clearly not desirable, life is rich with good stuff, and within the mindset of what the aspie sees, there must be positive things to deliberately express.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this point.

[stephencolligan]

Mark asked the AS to imagine life without his/her special interest.
From my limited experience with an AS person, imagining anything, let alone a special interest, in the future, seemed to be difficult for them.For example, they went on holiday and forgot to pack underwear, because of their difficulty putting themselves in a “different” situation than the here and now, I would guess.

[RealityCheckT]

"Favourite task deprivation" you had to hurt me didn't you

[felixando]

Thank you mark. These videos are eye opening as to why my female partner loses her shit on a constant basis and complains that she feels lonely and unfulfilled where as I honestly do my best to be the best possible partner, but there is something that I just don’t seem to ‘get’ and it frustrates me and makes me sad

Is there any tip, advice or source of information how I can tackle this issue, is it even within the range of possibilities for people with ASD to provide that very emotional content that our female partners seem to crave so much?

[liene]

What if you're neurotypical and never find your social and emotional needs met by neurotypical people? Or does this apply only to love relationships only? I talk lot deep stuff but extroverts never tend to understand and switch the topic because talking on deep level is uninteresting to them. I rather spend time with people who talk about their thoughts and emotionals than hang out in big groups. Maybe my reflection was about extroverts and introverts and not aspies and neurotypicals hmm... I do have some aspie friends though and we get along well. They seem to enjoy my company and can be themselves with me, and I love it.

[melissaarnett]

100% this is the issue with me and my bf

[whatisahandle]

How about commenting on how much is healthy to expect from an ND/aspie partner vs friends & loved ones outside the marriage/partnership?

For example: unless I was in a dream job, I wouldn’t expect to receive ALL my task oriented satisfaction to come from my work. Likewise, it’s no fun— or good for your career—if you’re constantly unsuccessful at work and looking for all your task satisfaction from hobbies or mindless entertainment at home.

[sloyal]

One question please, does your videos also apply to people who are not husband and wife?
This and all your videos always relate to you saying husband wife, so how can anyone relate to this when in some we are either partners or boyfriend girlfriend.

I ring your videos very helpful but in past if I cannot or find it difficult to communicate with my man, he always comes back and says, I’m not your husband, even tho my message to him is listen to what I’m trying to say to you.
Apologise if said anything

[stephanied]

That's a little bit of the "why" There is much more.

[sshab]

To me there is no one who is neuro typical. Every person have some social or emotional issues, diagnosed or undiagnosed!