This Is Why You're Lonely (and How to Fix It)

Most adults are lonely. You don't have to be one of them.

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[Thomasfrank]

Note that the tactic I share in this video also applies to plans that aren't in-person as well. If you can't get together physically (distance, lockdowns), you use this strategy for things like Discord game nights (something my friends and I do quite often) 🙂

Here are some other videos I've done on friendships:


Hope these help!

[aamnagaming]

Friendships nowadays feel quite forced it would be nice if someone was genuinely interested in hanging out I'm sure many people can relate

[betterideas]

Bro the loneliness of suburbia is such a real thing. This is great advice!

[RealJamieBarclay]

One cause of loneliness not talked about in this video, is that you are friends with people who don't properly understand you. People who you can sort of have fun with, but you don't really connect on a deep an emotional level. Highlighting the importance, of being yourself, putting yourself out there, even if it's just online, to find the tribe of people who like you for you, and who you genuienly connect with. Life is too short to worry what other people think 💙

[JerrySpringerl]

There's a massive gap in this video. You talk about how everyone feels lonely these days because they aren't involved in communities then go on to explain how spending time with people you currently have relationships with counter act the negative consequence of that happening. Even if that does work, the glaring flaw in that advice is you need to have those relationships to begin with and not everyone does. What I'm saying is, I was really hoping for advice on where to go to find new communities to be apart of to fill the void that school left or just good places to meet new people to build relationships with.

[AsianboyMandude]

This summer I realized I had to be the proactive one. I was tired of everyone saying "yeah we should do something" but nothing ever happening. My tactic was to make a list of things I wanted to do with friends, reaching out to all of them, and selecting a day we could all commit to. It would be weeks or even a month in advance, but it worked! I hung out with family, high school friends, and college buddies :) but being the proactive one can be tiring

[handsomeblackman]

Friendship today seems like a forced social get together where everyone is trying not to offend each other. Everyone is dressed nice and polite. What happened to friends popping up with a beer and just flopping down on your couch eating the last of your chips and your ok with it. The best friendship is more like a brotherhood/sisterhood of people that accepts each other's imperfections as genuine and unique. They drink too much or talk too loud or is always late, those are the things that give friends value. Their uniqueness.

[IsaacJoshi]

Adult friendships are hard but sometimes you have to make the first move to put yourself out there:)

[KatrinaJ]

If only it were that simple... In reality, if I were to say "we're doing top golf Friday at 8pm, want to join?" and sent that message to, say, four people, then one would say yes, two would say "I can't do Friday, but I can do Saturday, " and one wouldn't respond at all. And then I'd be stuck with deciding whether I want to do an awkward one-on-one activity with a person I didn't really want to hang out with one-on-one, trying to change the activity to Saturday, or giving up entirely. And that's just a simplified version of what's likely to be much more complicated logistics.

[sidehustlevikki]

I’m very proactive and constantly reaching out to people. It’s mentally and emotionally draining to ALWAYS be the one one reaching out to people. Yeah I get ppl to go out and do things with me on a regular basis but that’s literally the only time I hear from people

[interestingcuber]

He's talking about loneliness when you aren't in college or high school, but I've felt lonely for most of my high school life and I'm off to post secondary in a week. I just don't feel like I blend in with people due to me not drinking and doing drugs. I just feel different because I never tried to blend in with other people. I tried to be the person that my asian family wanted me to be. Now I'm trying to figure out who I am, but its so uncomfortable for me.

Edit: Thank you for all of the support! I really hope that I can figure out who I really want to be in University.

[MichaelNealeYT]

I agree with what you're saying here, however, I recently stopped being the person to reach out to one of my friends from school as I would be the only one to speak. There was zero effort on their part and I grew tired of it after years of doing it. I felt the relationship must have run its course and cut my losses. I think there are times where you need to stop being the person who reaches out all the time and accept that you're fighting to keep a relationship that is already dead.

[SehnsuchtYT]

I'm lonely because I don't have friends, not because I don't speak to them. But I appreciate your advice it is genuinely actionable and useful in future.

[moniquewrites]

What if there was a group like AA for lonely people?

Me: Hi, I’m Felicia and I’m lonely.
Lonely Anon Group: Hi Felicia!

[Super_BeastGirl]

See now we need a video explaining Martin's system for tracking his interactions with his friends!

[fireflythinking]

I remember a video you did a while ago mentioning all this, and as a shy introvert, it blew my mind and i'm thinking about it everytime I want to catch up with a friend (like, I don't expect them to text first or to offer to hang out, I do it). I believe this advice impacted my social life in a very positive way, because I'm more inclined to make efforts for people I reallly care about now. Thank you Thomas !!

[ludoviajante]

Thomas, thank you as always for the sincerity of your advice. Your channel is an absolute inspiration to me.
Much love from Brazil!

[QuanTheAlchemist]

Loneliness is such a serious thing and I hope everyone here conquers it! Thanks for the awesome video Thomas! Another banger in the books! :)

[Squintillions]

My dad gave me this exact advice as a teenager. I think I was moping about not having any weekend plans and he told me, “If you want to go out, you are going to have to call other people and make a plan.” This is back in the time of landline phones when you had to call people and there was no simple texting. It was some of the best advice I have ever received. It made me take more responsibility for my socializing instead of depending on others.

[Epipedobatideo]

During the pandemic, I discovered that I actually disliked most of the human interactions I apparently had to go by every day until then. I'm not in any sense a shy person.
Turns out the pandemic was a blessing in disguise to me - I found happiness in solitude I never considered possible before.