How To Turn A Guy Down In A Classy Way

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In this week's episode of LOVELife, I tackle that awkward moment when a guy you're not interested in approaches you, and the kind way to dismiss him without scaring off other guys.

Video links at the end -

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[suesheification]

yes so annoying when politeness is misconstrued as interest

[justynafron]

Girls don't have any obligation to care for the feelings of the guy who is making them uncomfortable. I have my boundaries and I think I deserve to have them respected.

[Kallisto]

I always am polite even when I'm not interested. It takes a lot of courage to approach someone and I respect that ! Treat others how you'd want to be treated :)

[ashleenicole]

I'm too kind... now I'm paying for it at work with annoying persistent guys

[seaj.b]

I don’t know why I find it so hard to reject people when I’m honestly fine being rejected. If someone told me “hey, thank you, but I’m not interested”, I would be completely fine with that. Yet I feel so bad when I’m saying those words

[JeremysRants]

Women need to understand that when a guy likes you and you reject him that needs to be the end. They dont want to be "just friends." And if you leave any room for doubt then persistent dudes will continue to try. So just say "no, not interested" and leave it at that.

[RaleighLink]

Please make a video addressing how to deal with creepy men. I don’t want to be hit on by any man, but seem to always have to deal with creepy men hitting on me in public and it makes me super uncomfortable.

[HH-xsgm]

It hurts so much to reject someone else. At least someone I care about. After rejecting someone it feels as though I manipulated their feelings for my own selfish flaws. It’s true.

I hate when I procrastinate or create false signals just because I feel lonely and sometimes they are the only ones I am talking to and spent time with. On the inside I don’t feel strong enough attraction either physically or emotionally for them.

Sometimes I may have moments I feel like it could happen but sadly if it could, I wouldn’t be in the shoes I am in needing to reject them.

I feel very bad, heartbroken, rejected, defeated each time I have to reject others. I have to keep in mind that it’s important to respect them to let them know how we feel in an honest and respectful way. Know boundaries and not to cross them.

[smittyshizzles]

To be honest, it sucks that women can't be nice, engaging and friendly with men their not interested in. I'm a nice person! I like connecting with people! But as soon as my free-spirited self flashes a friendly smile, guys take it the WRONG WAY. For now on, I'm going to say upfront: "I'm not interested in anything romantic with you, just friends."

Is that a good way to say it? Help me out people.

[nastyakay]

I'm so polite that some guys understand me wrong and actually believe i like them. then when they really piss me off by literally following me and being very annoying i have to find many lies that would NOT hurt their feelings, so i usually say " i have a boyfriend" and "I'm a lesbian" but there are some freaks who continue being persistent. So I'd say when women are polite, the insecure guys hear what they would like to hear

[BeautyHeroine]

My brother used to tell me to always be nice to guys who approach me, because it actually takes a lot to go over to someone in front of your friends.So if i can be politely, i always am.Like you mentioned sometimes it is not really possible.I love your advice matt, it always seems sensible to me.

[lous.]

This one time a guy was being super annoying and clingy even though we haven‘t even met, so I started being repellent and barely texted back, but he kept being persistent. So I told him politely that I wasn’t interested and that we wouldn’t be a good fit and what did he do? He started insulting me and blocked me afterwards. Classic move

[WoundedHuntress]

I disagree with this video. Love you Matt, but I don't think you should be kind simply because your ideal man may be watching you. It's part of common decency and empathy for other people to be gentle when you reject someone. Being rejected is universally humiliating. There is nothing socially worse than it. As a human being you should have the compassion not to tear someone apart (especially in public) when you do not want them. I'm sure we have all been rejected in our love lives, and know exactly how it feels. I would never want to cut someone like I've been cut.

[BohemianScandalous]

I generally don't judge women when they have to reject guys in public. I don't know what their situation is, this guy could have been following them the whole night or has been following them to parties for a while even after she has politely rejected them. A lot of the time I do find that guys (and most disturbingly older men) will not take a polite rejection and you really have to spell it out for them otherwise they will not leave you alone because somehow they think that when a woman makes an awkward smile or laugh that that means whatever they're doing is working even though in reality the women are really uncomfortable and they want to leave. The worst is when, if the group tries to duck out of the situation and get their friend out of there, they'll follow them or keep popping up in the middle of conversations with other people, which is the worst because not only are they distracting you from people you were talking to but they're actively demanding your attention even though you've made it clear that you are talking to someone else right now. I think the cold stare really is the go-to for a lot of really popular women because at some point it just gets too exhausting to deal with and you never know when one of these guys is going to be a hanger-on. While I get that guy you actually are attracted to might not come up to you if you give the other guy the cold shoulder, well, I guess you have to cut your losses.

[biffybilliamson]

I even fake having a boyfriend. But they're like so what? And when I walk away and say sorry I'm not that kind of woman. I'm called a bitch. I stop caring after a while and become the hulk.

[akiheavenly]

I hang out with a bunch of guys and there were times when a real hot girl comes in and give my guy friend a look. I would tell them to go get her because she is obviously interested too. But you know what he said? He said: she'll probably have 10 guys approaching her and I don't want to be the eleventh.
WTF?! Somehow it is the woman's fault that she is attractive. It is her fault that she gets chatted up by too many men.
So a guy would already cross a girl off his list way before she had the chance to be rude or act classy to anyone. I hate this way of thinking; judging a person from afar before you actually meet the person. And it pisses me off how you are telling women this as if it is ok to for the guy to judge the girl without knowing her situation.
If a girl is impolite to a waiter on your date then I can understand that you don't want to see her again. But here you just see her giving someone the cold shoulder and you assume she is a bitch. Maybe that guy came to her with a real sleazy line or he rudely interrupted her when she was taking to others. Maybe she had a bad day at the office.

[elvismylove]

I'm usually really polite. Sometimes I even talk to a guy I'm not interested in, cause I like meeting new people, or I'm bored ect. But what I hate is sometimes other guys look at me weird that I'm talking to this guy, who is not as cute, or a little unusual, like why am I talking to him? I must like him...They kind of don're respect me as much for doing that. It's werid. But I have to think, why can't I talked to someone, even if I don't like them, and why does it automatically mean I'm with them, or easy, just cause I have good manners and am interested in people. I think if someone was a really nice guy, it wouldn't bother him, if I did this.

[MsSmilewithyoureyes]

What about rejecting the guy you already know//friend??

[Ebonyfox]

Ughh I always had this problem going out! The minute you say "hi!" it's over. Even trying to remove myself from the situation didn't work because the guy would just FOLLOW me like some stray puppy.. One guy was so persistent even though I told him several times I wasn't interested that after a couple of hours my bestie finally snapped and all but bit his head off telling him to screw off. I"m not that bold. He finally left XD but then the rest of the guys were so afraid of her they avoided our group the rest of the night! Sometimes you just can't win...

[Iphigenie]

Every time a guy comes to talk to me and I don't like him I really get nervous because I don't know how to turn him down, without hurting him or making feel ashamed of his movement or whatever.  And I feel terrible when the guy I like is near and he sees me talking to someone else, though I don''t want to talk with him.... This video was really useful Mat thank you.