#1 Thing Men Should Do On A First Date (According To Psychology)

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[rlp]

I think a lot of conversations fall apart because people listen to reply instead of listening to understand

[ajtaylor]

Been saying this for God knows how long. It's all about the environment that's created when on a date with a woman because if she feels like she can just be herself with you, the date will go as smoothly as it possibly can. This is what women mean when they say they didn't feel that "spark" with a guy: she didn't feel like she could be her most true self and just relax because she was feeding off his energy, so if he was nervous and anxious she also felt nervous and anxious. Cool, calm, and collected is the name of the game.

[darwinmendoza]

Another dating coach once said "If 10 different guys use the same approach with me, I would give them 10 different responses". I know you said that you're not the average girl and you are the exception to the rule. From what I have seen from my friends, the responses girls show often depend on the level of attraction they have on a guy. The more attractive a guy is, the more a girl would make an effort to make a date go well. If a guy is just an option among many guys, the girl tend to look for faults in a guy or compare a guy with her other options.

[nico]

I say create attraction first. Then create comfort. In that order. You are at risk of being put in the friend zone if you focus on creating comfort only.

[DarthMalaks_Missing_Lower_Jaw]

Best first date location--a coffeehouse. It's casual and relaxing and inexpensive, can sit and talk without the expectations of "do I have food stuck in my teeth, why is the other person ordering such an expensive meal, do I have to pay for the first date, I can't hear what the other person is saying, do I have to dress up nicely, " etc.

[bscoggs]

These women didn't say "comfortable, " they said "the vibes" and the people who surveyed translated it to comfortability

[geralt]

The best “first dates” are ones that don’t feel like a date at all. Meeting someone organically and getting to know them already and hanging out with them without any pressure beforehand, so when you do officially go out on that date together, there’s no awkwardness. First dates where you meet for the very first time are often feel mechanical. Like going to a restaurant, eating and just asking each other questions about one another which are often essentially a job interview to decide if you want to see each other again. That’s why I think meeting organically hanging out when it’s not officially a date, like say meeting someone when you’re out with a group on a vacation or out in a group doing some type of activity, is always best. In that type of setting it’s so much easier to feel if you want to be around that person more and if you find them fun and interesting. So much more spontaneity.

[citizenpunx]

I really believe that practice makes perfect when it comes to dating. Once you go on enough dates, understand which environments are best for really talking/learning about people, also slowly reducing intimidation over time-dates become great experiences.

Comfortable lounges are my favorite and profound questions that people don’t normally ask separate you from the heard

[SunsetLights]

Love going into a first date feeling like I’ve known her for awhile now so she feels more comfortable, and I feel less awkward. Really does work like a charm. Be funny, ask great questions, tease her, flirt and listen.

[luisdetomaso]

The only problem with surveys is that women do not know what they actually or subconsciously want and will answer what they THINK they want. As the old saying goes: if you want to learn how to catch a fish, ask a fisherman - not a fish. You really think a woman will not have have fun on a date with a guy who seems hot, dangerous, and mysterious?

[taylorj.]

Having a first date where the activity is something you'd do by yourself (but then you bring the girl along) works well in my experience. My current gf - I went to a cute downtown area with her to buy an air plant and then we hung out for a few more hours and then ended the night eating tacos on a swing watching the sunset.

[marshalladams]

Great info again Courtney. I have never framed it as "feeling comfortable" but that makes alot of sense as far as what a woman looks for on a first date, and I actually wouldn't have guessed it's the no.1 thing they're looking for.

[thenutrientwhisperer]

I think a good rule of thumb is not to get attached to the outcome. In fact in a relationship even when it’s been established, still don’t get overly attached to the outcome. That way you can survive a split if that does happen. stay neutral to all outcomes. 🧨🍀

[garroshsucks_]

I already knew this, I've been doing this since I was a kid thanks for confirming it! Its very important to make a woman feel comfortable around you. Because if you're making her comfortable that means she feels SAFE around you!

[erikracz]

I appreciate your videos, you always have honest, good advice, that actually helps people. I’ve also watched a few other channels, that seem to focus on cheating, and dumping people, and all the drama, but they just don’t help you become a better person. Your channel is real help! 👍

[notsoanonymous]

Thanks for this video. I think your closing on mentality/ approach was perfect. Dating is about getting to know someone, not getting someone to like you. Well said. 👌🏽

[critvalent]

Hi Courtney, congratulations for your content! I truly like your POV around principles and values, I wish you could make a video (including other girls) around two topics:
1) Why of today’s dating climate?: Throw-away society, overconsumption of short-lived or disposable relationships?
2) Why women and man cheat despite been with someone that has respected and provide with everything and have a stable relationship?

[guillervz]

I know if it will go well or not the moment I meet the girl. It has a lot to do with that first little hug. And if we both come with a smile and a little joke, that's usually the best sign for me. An open place, public, of course. That should make you both feel safe.

Also, it's better to meet outside of the restaurant or the place you're going together - I'd say maybe include a little walk before sitting and talking. It gives you the chance to comment on the area (for example) and see if you view the experience you are sharing from a similar perspective - which is huge for connecting with the person. So when you enter the restaurant you are already entering the place together, and it's kind of like a little adventure if it's somewhere you never been to.

If you meet directly at the table or at the tickets, that's not good, that's always gone wrong for me - unless you are both incredible funny and have a high tolerance to awkwardness.

[goremoteasap]

Things I’ve appreciated on dates…

1. Messaging a few hours in advance to confirm time and location.
2. Asking if a seat or table is suitable for me.
3. Checking if I’m warm enough or it’s too loud etc.
4. Asking if I’d like to go somewhere else after e.g. to another bar or for gelato.
5. Checking oncoming traffic, pedestrians and warning of pickpockets etc to make sure I’m safe.
6. Walking woman on the inside, man on the outside closest to the traffic, with his arm out to ensure my safety.
7. Organising transport, walking me home, or to the nearest train station.
8. Patting me on the back if I’m coughing.
9. Complimenting my character or intelligence, not my appearance or physical body.
10. Of course being on time and/or communicating delays prior is basic decency.

All of these things create comfort and a sense of safety. It shows care, consideration, conscientiousness, respect etc. All key partner traits.

None of these things cost money, aside from transport, although most men will be happy to pay for food and drinks too.

Things that make me feel unsafe:

1. Not confirming time and location on the day.
2. Suggesting forest walks on the first date.
3. Suggesting going in his car alone, especially after dark.
4. Trying to arrange a date in a place that isn’t public e.g. up a hill.
5. Physical and sexual comments. One polite physical compliment may be nice, but any more than that is cringe.
6. Anything after dark really. I think first dates should be in the daylight or around dusk in a very public well-lit place.

[themysterykid]

Not looking for anything right now but you’re videos are informative and genuine that I keep watching. Who knows maybe I’ll use this someday