Is He Right For You? Find Out With These 4 Questions

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Most of us know all too well that our healthy skepticism over whether someone is right for us is the FIRST thing we’re willing to throw out the window in the name of chemistry and a connection.

In today’s video, my brother Stephen and I provide you with four questions you can ask to determine if someone is a good fit for you . . .

This video is all about helping you look out for “future you” while not silencing the “you” of today.

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[EMuro-wuuy]

I felt attracted sexually, friendly and comfortable with a guy. Went out on 3 dates, at the 3 date mark I put in a healthy boundary for myself. Turns out he wanted friends with benefits, isn't very communicative and ghosted me for over a month. Then later told me his facts, he wasn't intentionally ghosting me but he was, and said he wanted certain things. Everything changed when I put in a boundary. It's important for both people to be happy. I made time and room. But he didn't want all of what I wanted. I'm proud of myself for putting in boundaries. It's important I'm a priority not just an option.

[camilleburch]

My top question is always - is he a man of integrity and character? If so, he has a teachable spirit, can be trusted, and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. My boyfriend has flaws, but he has more integrity than anyone Ive ever met, and that inspires ME to always improve myself!

[sharondemayo]

Sometimes God brings us a steady slow burn instead of fireworks. I say if you have things to do in common, the same values and future dreams don’t eliminate that person too soon just because your not feeling instant fireworks. The best, long lasting relationships are always friends first.❤️

[alionaciobanu]

I married a guy that was very incompatible with me. He would like to go out every evening and stay late until the club/bar/restaurant closed down and we always faught about it because I would be tired and sleep deprived the next day. Our marriage lasted 2 years because the incompatibility erroded everything about our relationship. Trips would be difficult too, he would have FOMO if we did not sign up for every excursion that is offered. I compromised in the name of love until I burnt out. "Making it work" because of commitment is a dangerous game so I take it with a grain of salt.

[ronaldmorris]

Let them play golf. It's good to have separate interest. Just make sure you find things to do together you BOTH enjoy.

[forisma]

00:50 1. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to this person?
05:38 2. Do you find it easy or difficult to get your needs met in the relationship?
7:10 3. Is their lifestyle compatible with yours? Do you feel ok with how they spend their free time?
14:27 4. Do you both want the same things in your future and have the same vision for the next 5, 10, 15 years?

[loveabi]

Hearing you guys discuss those topics really hits differently than just thinking about it in my head. Thank you for the great reminder!

[giulias.]

I rarely feel sexually attracted at the beginning because for me even physical attraction pass from feeling attracted to someone by the way he thinks mostly. They call us sapiosexual, and it is really a physical attraction that happens eventually from knowing and liking how a man think and hold himself mostly, rather than how much muscles he has.

[amylin]

I think there has to be a commitment to making the relationship work. If there are lifestyle/personality clashes, a strong emotional connection can lead both people to a place of making space for someone they love.

[xxdarkstarxx_]

I think these questions are also vital to ask yourself during the relationship because sometimes peoples values and goals change in the mid of the relationship. I was in a 9 year relationship with my ex fiance who at first we were on the same page but slowly red flags kept popping up - my values stayed the same while his behaviour, values and lifestyle completely changed mid way in our relationship. I'm upset at myself for not fessing up earlier because I knew this relationship was no longer serving neither of us. I did everything I could to save the relationship but ultimately it did not work out because you cannot change a person.

[lilyrose]

I liked these questions, especially the first one. I think it's an important element that gets overlooked. I don't expect instant fireworks with someone I'm dating, but I do have to be able to see myself falling in love with that person eventually. To me, that romantic connection is what makes your partner your lover rather than just a good friend.

[Ohkeh]

Lacking compromise is so sad. You can’t be selfish in relationships. X

Being accommodating is a great word indeed.

[IEVAKambarovaite]

*The element of fun can very often be fueled by the fact that this person is simply unavailable*
A unique sexual attraction may just be us responding to someone who reminds us of someone who hurt us in the past, maybe even a caregiver from our childhood.
The very insane chemistry may just be us responding to our childhood trauma and not the fact this is the right person to go for and plan our future with.

Very often those that make our knees feel weak, are not the ones we should be starting a family with 💕

[daliafarsi]

After 40 the most important thing is to be mentally connected it doesn’t matter if we do or don’t like the same thing. if we are mentally connected, we will respect each other, and enjoy what the other likes doing. Everything else will work out eventually including sexual chemistry.

[hadi]

Sometimes living together makes you step away from your partner, you only really know someone when you live with him or her. Been through lots of awful stuff in the relationship, now in the process of leaving. I am totally not attracted him anymore, he repulses me, sounds awful but he does. Six years in & I am sure it's the end. It's like a light's been switched on or God has taken away the love I had for him because God knows he is no good for me. He's never had my back & disagrees with everything I say. You have to experience this to understand, its made me ill. Now along with everything else thats wrong in the relationship I have finally had enough. There is more to life than been unhappy. I know I will be happy again once I walk away. You know when enough is enough. I'm 56 & maybe alot of people stay because of their age thinking well I'm in my 40s or 50s I may as well stay in the relationship but I'm not. I'm not thinking about meeting someone new, I want time on my own to recover from the relatioinship & the trauma I have gone through whilst in it. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. XxX

[katarakung]

Matt, you bring so much value to the community and to us with your videos. Thank you!

[rommystrater]

The person I’m dating right now is a friend from 30 years ago. We connected 9 months ago and I feel so great with him I feel I’m with my soulmate 🥰

[cherylduckworth]

Good point on differences. You can try to fit into another's world even if it's not what you would normally do, but sooner or later the facade would fall and the differences would reveal themselves.

[tinybarabo]

I am married. We did fit amazingly together, but I think I changed. Covid made me more outgoing. So I think these topics have to be reevaluated often, so the couple can correct the direction they are going. Before we go entirely separate ways.

[bistravoda]

Enjoying it now really leads to MAJOR heartbreak. Speaking from experience.