Balancing Love & Desire | Esther Perel

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The number one question married couples ask Esther Perel is, “How do we keep the spark alive?

In this inspiring Mindvalley A-Fest presentation, Esther Perel, bestselling author and relationship expert informs us that couples who keep romanticism alive, keeps the desire burning in the bedroom in your relationship or marriage.

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In this video, "Balancing Love & Desire" Ted Talk speaker, Esther Perel, walks us through the powerful emotions we feel in relationships and explains how to achieve relationship satisfaction.

VIDEO HIGHLIGHTS
04:13 Fundamental human needs
07:13 Where we come from
13:46 Why is it difficult to sustain desire in the place of love
19:42 When human radiates - Confidence
24:07 How do we cultivate our interest and desires
27:30 Today’s notion of freedom - Global Village
34:46 How our parents/adults influence the child’s world

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Not only is Esther Perel a relationship expert, but she is also a psychotherapist who has worked with countless patients who experience loneliness within their relationships.

Her theory that the tension between the need to belong to society and the need for freedom in human relationships is to find a balance between the two. She informs us that finding this balance is how to deal with loneliness in relationships.

By combining intimacy and sexuality in marriage and long term relationships, Esther Perel believes this is a practical way to achieve happiness and contentment in life.

[cicdee]

“When it comes to love it is our imagination that is the greatest actor, not necessarily the other person” 😮 this is profound on many levels.

[dumisilem]

“We are asking one person what an entire village used to provide” Wow, I felt that. Basically we have unrealistic demands putting them on that ONE person.

[coles]

"Your partner is a loan with an option to renew" -- Mind blown.

[miriamcassar]

This woman is down to earth, funny, witty, intelligent, great thinker and inspirational speaker. What she says really makes you think and reflect in a very positive way. Great talk... respect!

[jboquiren]

Esther Perel is incredibly erudite, perspicacious and articulate. So much clarity flowing out of one person!

[melk.]

35:22 "I'll give up a part of me in order not to lose you"
"I'll forego my freedom in order to secure my connection"
(Insecure attachment)

[elliegreen]

"When it comes to love, it is our imagination that is the greatest Actor, not necessarily the other person."
Just one of many brilliant gems of insightful wisdom in this talk by her.

[emiliamorcan]

Learning to dance as a couple can be a good therapy. Good and fun team work! I am from Disco Era so I have this "fantasy" : relationship should be like couple's dance. Here we are, face to face, standing on our own feet, holding hands, leaving some space between so each of us can move . We have to hear the same music, follow the same ritm, comunicate . We are learning so much about us and our partner, how much we can or cant accomplish together as a couple.

[juratebendziute]

It's one of the best Esther Perel talks I've heard so far. What I love most about her (besides other thousand things) is her position in: I might sound confident, yet I am sure of absolutely nothing. And this is such a humble and strong place to occupy by her with decades of clinical work, research and books. And it's not only empty words, she is literally radiating this non attachment to being right. Thank you for this great talk!

[moragmcgill]

She makes it look so easy...just one of the signs of greatness. For years I have respected Esther Perel. My "go to non guru" for everything on conversational and relational intelligence. This is a FANTASTIC talk true to her style: witty, to the point, clear, positive, energetic incredibly insightful. She has thought to much and shares so generously. This should be "required viewing" for all intimate relationships! (and what about her definition of "intimacy" as IN TO ME SEE?). It so so rich with content that every tenth sentence is quotable. It stays with you. Thanks for sharing.

[angelablackthorne]

We are more than readily willing to acknowledge betrayal, but we don't acknowledge abandonment as a cause of equally deep pain. people hide the pain of emotional and intimate abandonment and if they don't they're told it's their problem. This is a very serious failure that causes relationships to break down more often than the more obvious types of infidelity we are so willing to validate.

[cactusrose]

I have found it. Esther's best video. What an amazing orator and teacher of relationships and the human condition.

[NghtMonster]

I feel privileged to hear her speak, there is always something to learn and open your mind to.

[samsattick]

Absolutely fantastic talk. What she said about "the one" around 29 mins was spot on as was everything else!

[davorcelar]

What a great video. She described everything I've ever felt in every relationship I've ever had, but never quite knew how to articulate. Thank you.

[dericflairmultiverse]

my favourite person who talks about relationship and definitely your favourite therapist's favourite therapist

[relevantelevant]

When I wake up on Sunday morning with my husband on one side and my dog on the other side, that is the best feeling! Knowing that husband and I are going to get freaky later that day, makes it even better!

[massielrobles]

In the present year, I am paying attention to her words&advices in every Talk because She is very excellent talkative explaining about relationships.

[annacav]

Yes! Refreshing to hear someone speak what I have experienced, It's about find the one to join you in our journey together. (And as individuals, not as an extension of themselves) Going through the ebbs and flows of life rather than trying to find your "happy ever after". I think it's great to play with desire with your partner, whatever happened with the art of flirting? Even with your long time partner, routine becomes boring and desire fades. It's a "dance" between the couple that can keep it alive and not necessarily constant.

[deborahkalavrezou]

So true, of not expecting our partner in our lives to be be our friend, lover, carer, counsellor. We should not be searching for a replacement parent to nurture all our needs and comfort our fear of being alone. Esther is a remarkable with incredible insight and truth. I totally find her fascinating to look and listen to, on just about any relationship subject. Captivating through and through!!!