Former “Nice Guys”, When and How Did You Change?

Fresh AskReddit Stories: [Serious] Former “Nice Guys” of Reddit, when and how did you change? --- LIKE AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES!



#Reddit #Updoot #AskReddit

[revolution]

If your "nice" comes with an expectation of something in return, it's not actually nice. It's manipulative. Genuine kindness and good character doesn't come with strings attached. Also? "Not beating/sexually assaulting/yelling at" someone is not the same as actually being nice. The bar is not so low that you deserve something for not committing a literal crime.

[thediscordtraveler]

Don’t you ever wish there was a 0.5 volume for watching videos late at night when the lowest volume, 1 *is still so friggin loud*

[crystalcole]

Wow, this is so much more positive than I thought it was going to be. I'm happy for all those guys.

[NappyWayz]

“Work on yourself.” Is a common thing here. I learned to stop trying, just have fun and be yourself. Relationships will come.

[hauntedshadowslegacy]

14:51 Yup, Hal from Megamind is a NiceGuy/incel. The whole movie is about going against society's preconceived notions and being who you are regardless; that includes the preconceived notions on 'how to get a girl'. I highly recommend the movie, even to adults, because the storytelling and details hidden in it are just absolutely breathtaking. It's a masterpiece, and I wish it had gotten more attention on release than Despicable Me.

Oh, and another recommendation: I know the Kung Fu Panda series has the whole 'kids movie with butt jokes' look on the outside, buuuut (remember what Megamind says about preconceived notions!) the Kung Fu Panda trilogy is very well put together and has great meaning and messages nestled into every corner. I recommend it to adults. Incredible storytelling, beautiful cinematic artistry, all-around fantastic.

[Kayenne]

I've said this to a lot of people, and it's frequently misunderstood...but "YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR 50% IN ANY RELATIONSHIP".

[onespiceybbw]

When I was growing up I treated people well because that was how I wanted to be treated. People take advantage of that, and bullies flock to it like to the sound of a dinner bell. Took me 40 years to figure it out, but now you have to PROVE to me that you are worth being treated nicely. I have very few "friends", and that's fine with me.

[SpiralPegasus]

To be done with being a "nice guy" you must understand a few harsh, simple truths:
1) _Nobody owes you anything, regardless of how good and how much you may do to them_

2) In these times where women cry for "more rights" there's a gender disparity that they mention all too little: _society doesn't expect them to do courtship._ Only to reject or accept. Until that changes, swallow rejection and walk on.

3) There's never any guarantee that any one woman will like you
And even if she does, chances are, she will not come for you. See #2.

4) The "better yourself" comments are misleading: YES, be the best "you", but above all else (looks, your likings, etc) what matters most is being CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF. The more fluidly and vividly you communicate, the better.
Don't expect women to love you if you can't love yourself first.

Sincerely, an ex-nice guy.

[hakdispatch]

A lot of people call me a "nice guy" because I always treat others with respect and I have never been the type to participate in drama. I'm that one guy that pretty much just gets along with everyone. However, I have a habit of correcting people whenever they use the term "nice guy" to refer to me. I always tell them, "Being a nice guy, at its very core, means doing things and expecting nothing in return. When I give you respect, I expect that same level of respect in return. If we're doing something and I put in the effort, I expect that same amount of effort from you as well. So by definition, no—I'm not a nice guy. Just a guy who treats others the way I want to be treated." They are shocked when I explain it like this, but they seem to understand my ideology.

Remember, in this life, no one owes you anything if you truly do it from the kindness of your heart. Always keep that in mind before doing what you would consider to be the actions of a "nice guy".

[SpaceLordNick]

I still have these tendencies, but I realized at a certain point I was falling into the fallacy of "its not me, its the world thats the problem". This created an opposite problem where I kinda over corrected and I felt like a complete monster of a person who deserved to be alone and suffer. It took the care of friends, therapy and now I'm taking Lexapro and I'm kinda inching towards a healthy balance. The thing for me though was I always operated out of a desire to feel loved before actually understanding what love was. I still desperately want to be loved but I know its not something I can force or control, I can only express love to people in my life and hope it gets returned to me.

The most insulting to me was always getting accused of just wanting sex. Sex is great but I was always seeking companionship but young man me didn't realize it was a partnership.

Now I'm just trying to be happy and sober and get my life in order so maybe one day I could be that.

[Sovreign]

Belated 20/20 hindsight realization.
I told my best friend-who-was-a-girl that I had feelings for her, because I figured we could still be friends if she said "no."
Well, she said "no, " and then three days later I got a text saying she couldn't be friends with me anymore.
I took it 100% personal, and resigned myself to being forever alone; if my best friend unfriended me for having feelings, what chance did I have with people I just met??
Five years of wallowing in my own self-pity later, I was going over what happened, and it hit me!
The circumstances under which I'd asked her out were "safe" for me, but one step short of a horror movie for her! (Empty house, me as her only ride.)
The fact she didn't call her friends, or worse, POLICE on me, is a f*cking miracle!
My only complaint is that she was too damn nice; if she'd told me that I was acting like a creep, maybe I would have gotten the clue.
Live and learn.

[arkthompson]

Back when I was a "nice guy", I was watching the news and saw Eliot Roger. He was the same age as me at the time and he had the same ideas and viewpoints towards women. I realized I was being just like him and he was creepy. I didn't want to be like him and changed my ways. I wound up getting a girlfriend eventually and got dumped suddenly after 4 1/2 years. The scariest thing about it is that after the rough breakup, I slowly became misogynistic. I went on another date and for once, I was on the receiving end of having creepy vibes from a bad date. I stopped being misogynistic and just stopped caring about dating altogether for the moment. I'm in the whatever happens happens mode. I'm trying to focus on myself by doing new things, getting back to old hobbies and finding new passions: plants and animals.

[snizzz]

I used to be nice to everyone. Then I was bullied for being “too nice” I guess. Other kids were spreading rumors that I would talk shit about other kids and then I had no friends. I used to be funny and nice and now when I try to be friendly I still get shit for it even though I’ve never done anything wrong.

[Matthewgb]

The first one is sort of me, I was never bad enough to cuss out and insult people when they rejected me but I had the same “I’m a nice guy why does no one like me” mind set shortly after realizing that I fixed myself and my mindset and it’s been much better I’m glad I found that subreddit or else I may still be that way not seeing the errors in my ways

[wrenpeach]

I used to be friends with a Nice Guy and the thing that was off putting to me was that he wasn't just nice, he put me on a pedestal. He tried to treat me like I was some perfect thing, instead of just treating me like a person. I'm sure he thinks the problem was that he was "nice", when really it was that he wasn't being genuine and was interacting more like a fan than a friend.

[das_]

Interesting thread. I just recently got out of a long term relationship. Lots of firsts and after she left (for one of my friends no less). I was left with a lot of conflicting emotions and resentment. After doing some much needed thinking I’ve come to the conclusion that in my heart I miss her. In my mind I realize that she’s going down a path that’s really self destructive. I just need to better myself and try again as opposed to wishing for someone to come back who might never. My first reaction after it happened was work out. I want to take all the pain she left me with and make it into a positive for me. Keep working for me. Hang in there guys. It will get better in time.

[BinaryPrime]

When i was like 16 i asked my Mom and Aunt how to get a girl. They both said, "Just be nice." Fast Forward like 8 years and i have a friend who i admitted feelings for yelling, "Women aren't just some machine you put nice tokens into and sex comes out!" Which was jarring and confusing for two reasons-- one was because that literally violated all of the advice i got from women and two was because i never mentioned sex. But it was then that i realized the advice i was given was worthless.

[RosesTeaAndASD]

I developed a strong distrust of men as young woman from "nice guys" suddenly revealing they'd only wanted sex and strung me along the whole time as "friends".
That can damage a lot of women deeply.

Fellas, honesty is the best thing you can give to someone and there are a lot of you good men out there.
Always be kind from the heart❤

[you_know_who_I_am-qp]

I spent 8 years self-isolating pretty much, because my life as one of these people became so painful that I had to retreat. Long story short, I had to admit to myself what was me and what really was other people, and I wish it hadn't taken 8 years of recluse living and online gig work. Maybe that's why monasteries were popular back in the day i don't know. Point is, I reconnected with humanity and the world on healthier terms afterward. I recommend anything that will widen perspective while encouraging brave self confrontation. STOP LYING TO YOU, OR YOU'RE LYING TO EVERYONE. self-awareness and self-examination.

[NT-sxbd]

Imagine harassing these people for their actions when they've already changed.