What If My Partner LIED About The Past? | Retroactive Jealousy

My Partner LIED About The Past! | OVERCOME Retroactive Jealousy

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In this video I will share with you what steps I would personally take if I found out that my partner had been lying about their sexual past. This situation can go one of two ways and the ball is in your court. You can decide that this is something that sets your relationship back or you can use this as fuel to make your relationship even stronger!

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#RetroactiveJealousy #RelationshipJealousy #PartnerLied

Hey everyone its Matt and welcome back to another video on overcoming retroactive jealousy. In this video I’ll be discussing something that has been requested quite a bit amongst the viewers and subscribers of this channel….. what do you do If your partner lied about the past…… what happens when you think you know what happened in their past…. But maybe they weren’t fully truthful when they told you…. Now you found out… so not only does the lie bother you… but the thought of this new found discovery about their sexual past bothers you too! Now the stuff I’ll be addressing in this video just deals with retroactive jealousy… not cheating partners… not lies like… oh I have a kid you don’t know about. Not lies like oh I have a criminal background… or my name is not really matt…its sheldon…None of that… Im sure there are other channels out there for that. This video will deal with ex partners and sexual encounters before you met that they weren’t truthful about. So maybe they said they had 3 previous partners but you find out they actually had 5. Or maybe you thought they were good friends with someone and they said oh yes we are just friends but then you found out they actually had a history… things like that!
So its very understandable that the moment you find out about this lie… its going to hurt. It ain’t gonna feel good. You are probably going to feel betrayed a little… and on top of that you’ll probably feel that highly charged anxious response. Now before we get angry and lose your temper and start doing all these compulsive behaviors… you need to ask yourself.. is this lie… is it a deal breaker? If you knew about this before you started dating them… would it make you NOT want to be with them? Set your RJ aside… set your highly charged emotions aside… and ask yourself if this really would make you not want to be with them.. In most cases the people that I’ve worked with its not a deal breaker… But for instance if maybe you follow a religion where you aren’t suppose to have sex before marriage and you meet someone who says they haven’t… and then after you’re married they tell you they had several one night stands and sexual encounters….and thats really against your values… then it could very well be a deal breaker for you. But spoiler alert… 99.9999% of the time… The Thing their partner lied about… isn’t a big deal. Again it might feel like a BIG deal at first because you have a lot of emotions going on… but in the grand scheme of things.. its not that big of deal… The Fact that your partner lied about something in the past shows that they probably Didn’t want to hurt you… they probably aren’t proud of it… they might very well feel ashamed of it… and honestly they Probably didn’t want to bring it up because it has nothing to do with the present moment whatsoever. To be honest… they knew it probably didn’t matter if you knew or not. Now that might not be the greatest thing in the world to hear especially if YOU have been honest with them about your whole past. But again you cannot side with these angry and betrayed emotions. You have to dig down and find some compassion. Remember this person is the one you love. We all make mistakes. And it’s time to swallow your pride… shut off your ego… and practice forgiveness. Allow this moment to be something that makes your relationship STRONGER not something that holds you guys back. Think about your own life… have you ever lied before? im sure you have… and why did you lie that time that you lied… or hundreds of times that you lied? Chances are to avoid a reaction… to avoid feeling fear… to avoid feeling judged… more than likely it was nothing more than just that. So again this idea of your partner lying about their past really isn’t that big of deal when you really try to understand it. When you don’t play this victim game and look at It in very rational terms. They probably didn’t tell you the full truth because they were worried about being judged and they wanted to leave this stuff in the past. That still doesn’t make it 100% ok per se...

[Miguel-wqiu]

They will tell you it doesn't matter because it is in the past, reality is that it matters so much, that they had to lie and hide it. Be safe and run away

[ryanspencer]

They knew what they were doing when they lied. They were more preoccupied with sparing themselves than being honest with you. Period.

[lachlottfaclott]

There's nothing worse than being an rj sufferer in a relationship with a liar 💀

[nachocheese]

Dishonesty is a deal-breaker. If it's not then you need to work on recognizing your own value. Depending on the situation of course.

[JackWright-qppi]

They didn't want to hurt you is not a good excuse

[NataZolotaya]

The problem is when they lied over the course of the relationship about the past, and obviously lies catch up, because certain things start to look out of place, or certain dates don't up... that adds another a layer of mistrust on top of the jealousy. Or in my case it was as well the fact that they remained good friends with exes and met up with them occasionally, when they made it sound as if they haven't talked in years. This makes me wonder if this person is right for me, or if the RJ is making it seem more serious than it is. But thank you for this video, made me relax a little bit just in my head, atleast for my own peace!

[JackWright-qppi]

The lie was literally something that was the difference between me marrying her and leaving her.

[videofrat]

I watched this video over a year ago, and today randomly a notification popped up from an old comment. I am so glad i am not dealing with these issues anymore and even forgot about them. Changed girlfriend. Most of the time the RJ is about different values which you see reflected on the person's actions. And, if a person is lying to you, the issue is not jealousy, the issue is you cannot trust them anymore. I would say run away and find someone whose values align with yours. Cheers.

[swilliamson]

So…apologize to her for her screw up. Got it.

Bro, you’re asking for it to happen over and over and over.

[dsides]

Really appreciate this type of content being made. I think there are alot of people that need to hear this. Judging by the ongoing decay of sexual morals in general tho, I reckon rj will become more and more of an issue for more people with time. Go figure

[LP-ewbu]

Well, if there is a lie on sexual past, its a straightforward divorce/break-up. This has nothing to do with RJ. The trust is broken.

[PistolPointer]

Really appreciate this video. I found out 10 years ago that my wife’s previous relationship was much more serious than she’d originally told me. I was a virgin when we started dating and she had said she’d tried it twice with her previous boyfriend and it wasn’t a good match. I believed she was inexperienced and that we were discovering sex together. It turned out they’d had sex much more and had a passionate relationship. Now when I look back on our early years, our passionate times seem less “special” because she’d experienced it all before. Now it’s 20 years later, 10 years after finding out, and the jealousy and hurt of being lied to have resurfaced. I can’t stop imagining them together.

[scottyboy]

Just don’t understand the lies … say it … own it .., be honest .., u will get caught eventually and it ruins everything

[jarrettjackson]

I rarely comment on these things but this video seriously just helped me. I love her and we have been together 16 years.
Thank you

[jconeil]

Thanks Matt for these videos. I have dealt with retroactive jealousy all of life. Your videos have made this something I know I can now deal with and not ruin another relationship. Thank you

[tonypepperoni]

Bro you’re a life saver. Ocd is such a monster people don’t get it

[nateschumacher]

I admitted my past to my girlfriend today after unfortunately lying about it in the beginning. I know it’s not an easy road, but I hope she can forgive me. I’ll send her this video later

[doug]

Nope leave. Your partner expected that honesty of you and you gave it. What else are they lying about. Yes. Thinking about it is a waste of time.. so leave and not think about it anymore. Problem solved.

[MOON-pejm]

I went through a very hard time over the 'lies' but now it doesnt bother me as much. In the begining of our relationship he was actually greiving his ex. When we were friends he was still crying about her but he didn't tell me these things because he liked me and didnt want to scare me away. Our relationship was very in due timing and it evolved over time. We didnt love eachother then and that's okay. He was greiving over her and he did tell me that he wanted to be only friends for some deep issues(even though he didn't go into detail) Our love grew over time. We are official now. After we became official I found out about it and he opened up about it. He told me he was healing from his past but knew because of my flighty nature that I would run away if he told me. He also said his past doesnt effect his love for me. He doesnt want to go back to the past he says he wants to focus on us and our future.

[parijatbhowmick]

Thank you Matt, thanks for taking the stone off my chest. Thank you so much