“He hid $77k in CC debt…but can’t tell me what he bought”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Jim and Dana. They are both 58, five years into their second marriages, and coping with changes in their new lifestyle in different ways. Jim is set on providing as he follows patterns from his past, hiding tens of thousands in debt. Dana daydreams of her past in California—and the lifetime of alimony she passed up.

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[ramitsethi]

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[fpm]

25:31 funny how times have changed. If a kid is eating homemade bread and home made butter and not eating Doritos, that kid is probably rich now.

[isabelreyes]

You got one person that is not responsible with money being left in charge of covering all their FIXED expenses and the person that is very financially literate only looking after the FUN stuff? Makes zero sense

[heatherrees]

Thank you for having people over 40 on your show!

[Jeremy_Cook]

Thank you Ramit! While watching this episode, my GF and I paused and reconsidered the way we split our fixed costs. We decided to change from a 50/50 split on our fixed housing costs. Instead, we will contribute a proportional amount of our incomes starting next month when our lease renews. Thanks again!

[Danfinitely]

Talking to your current husband about your exes finances and boasting about not having to work and regretting your new life is sad.

[BlahDeDah]

The fact that she does not realize what that property means to him is all I need to know. He’s happy there. She’s not. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to make her happy.

[itslala]

When she said she gave up $60k a year to get married I just think that was the absolute worst move ever...

[braq]

I like that when she stated she pays for “all of the insurance” it highlighted onscreen that he pays almost the same monthly amount towards insurance

[mrs.quills]

This was a heartbreaking episode, at first I was thinking he had a gambling problem, but it seems he has a wife problem. Nothing will ever be enough or ever make her happy and I wonder if that’s what resulted in the end of her previous marriage.

My heart broke for this man, especially when his voice cracked about how she doesn’t like where they live or his sighs. They both need therapy and help.

[gracesimplified]

I really have admiration for Ramit’s ability to appear non judgmental, respectful, and ability to dissect and analyze the emotions and motives behind his guests actions and words. 👏🏼

[Tiffany-lohc]

I hate to think in these terms but OOF how emasculating. She comes in so superior and betrayed about this massive debt but frequently tells him how she "downgraded" and how unhappy she is, while also not paying towards any of the real expenses...what are her fixed costs if not paying mortgage and food??!

[JamieRedlands]

I really feel for him. Deep down he is a giving person. He feels he is going at it alone.

Never have I so quickly gone from: "What a sweet understanding lady" to "oh this poor man" He will never feel adequate. She gave up alimony and she will never let him live that down. The guy never smiled once. I worry for his wellbeing. And here she is ready to sell everything that brings him any amount of joy.

[lorririvera]

My fear is that he’ll do all these things to please her and she’s just going to leave him anyway. Keep your stuff, Jimmy and know your worth.

[CambieSweets]

This was a sad one to watch. Not condoning financial infidelity but I was appalled by the way she speaks about her ex husband in front of Jimmy. Wondering what he’s making now?! How painfully insulting that must’ve been for Jimmy.

[daniellefaith]

My opinion changed so much once we started getting into the numbers. Financial infidelity made it seem cut and dry at the beginning, but as the video goes on, her laughing at his siblings current situation and rolling her eyes when he talks about staying in Michigan... the breakdown of the csp showing he has no spending money with the current set up... i feel more sympathy for him now for feeling pressure to spend money he doesn't have to keep up with her expectations. They really need to adjust the division of expenses so he can address his debt and, more importantly, not slip back into it!

[Lynnys]

So all of her ideas about how to raise money to pay the credit card debt is to sell his stuff. The debt is theirs as they are married. Where is her contribution? It sounds like a lot of the debt was incurred to keep her happy. Ultimately the mistake was to get married. If they hadn’t she would have her high salary, her alimony and no responsibility for his debt. He married someone who he can’t keep up with and who gets to keep her money while he struggles. Definitely not a partnership.

[tritiism]

Her hesitance when asked if she would consider helping him pay the debt and her enthusiasm when the topic changed to selling his stuff says it all. The wife doesn't care at all about the well-being of the husband. She was just looking for someone to take care of her and thought she found one. And I think he is bankrupting himself to please her because he thinks she is out of his league. Unless they change these dynamics and aim to build a real partnership they will both end up very hurt and disappointed.

[janefinance]

Jimmy, don’t sell your property and family legacy. This lady doesn’t care about you. She will always look down on you and compare you to her ex. You guys don’t want the same thing and you need to accept that. Stop going into debt and paying for the bulk of your relationship when she is not willing to do the same. Instead of offering to help you when she sees how unfair the current situation is, she is more worried about a post-nup to continue to keep her money just for herself. She does not want to be on the same team as you. You need to wake up to the reality of this situation before selling everything and losing more only to see her leave you eventually anyway.