5 Common Autistic Experiences

Discover 5 key parts of what it REALLY means being a high masking autistic and better understand the experience of high masking autistic people in today's world.

If you're a high masking autistic adult, what is your experience? What else would you add to this list of things you would like other people to know about your unique challenges and how you deal with them? ⤵️ Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions in the comments!

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⏰TIME STAMPS:
0:00 Intro
0:28 Feeling "different"
2:07 Camouflaging
3:58 You appear to "function" but struggle
5:53 It gets harder as you get older
7:25 Burnout and diagnosis
8:25 Outtakes

⭐️ ABOUT US:

I'm Chris and alongside Debby, my brilliant partner, we've traveled, taught kids and families, founded companies, and navigated the world while also balancing both autism and ADHD as a neurodiverse duo.

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[ChrisandDebby]

If you're a high masking autistic adult, what is your experience? What else would you add to this list of things you would like other people to know about your unique challenges and how you deal with them? ⤵ Share your thoughts, ideas, and questions!

[howgroovyisthat]

One thing I loved about covid and really miss is just the time at home away from people. I think I could be locked in my room for months, basic needs included, and thrive.

[Parasaurolophus]

I so relate to the adapting to different conversations and groups. I don't feel like anyone I know really knows me. They know the version of me that I put on around them. I think only two people in my life have ever really seen the real me.

[Conservative]

I've always thought I was a just massive introvert who was scared and/or hated social events. I would force myself to go to social events when I had too or when people told me it's what we do. I never understood what I was supposed to do and I already tried to hide and wait it out, stay with the person I trusted the most, or drew into myself and inwardly hid. I didn't know what was wrong with me no matter how much I searched but finally finding videos of autism, everything is making sense I don't have every symptom you or anyone else does but I have at least half

About 2 month ago I had a breakdown of some sort and I couldn't go out in public without it starting to happen and it's very painful, I feel like I'm dying. But once I get back to my van it starts going away. I cannot go outside without my husband, that's also why I thought I had that not able to leave the house thing.

And I feel horrible because I know I don't have a hard life and my husband is amazing to me. But everything is so difficult to me, I get so overwhelmed by the most simple things that I see others doing easily.

[cbrooks]

I’m 40, and I figured out I’m autistic around the age of 35. Once I learned what masking was and realized I was doing it I stopped almost all masking immediately. I know I come across a lot less social and bubbly now, but god damn it I’m more comfortable. I refuse to make myself uncomfortable for the sake of others. Could you imagine if we made neurotypicals act like us? “Excuse me, sir, but you’re making direct eye contact with me and you’re beating around the bush. Could you stop being rude and just get to the point?”

[SuperGingerBickies]

I'm a high-masking, late-diagnosed woman on the Autism Spectrum. I still find myself going through masking to survive and exist.
This video hit hard.
My therapist (who is also Autistic and is helping me manage) said that I'm going through burnout after a month of high masking.
I've barely recovered from several burnouts.

[deirdrestatham]

As someone undiagnosed but looking into it… these things would definitely explain why I spent most of my working years (SAHM now) doing graveyard shift jobs where I worked completely alone. 😂 I went back to university and did NOT do well in job interviews. Apparently interviewers are put off when you answer hypothetical questions involving lunches with coworkers with “I don’t engage socially outside of work with coworkers because it leads to drama.” 👀

[m.r.]

I started unmasking and the people closest to me either stopped wanting to hang out with me or told me I'm difficult to be around now, so I have to go back in the closet. When they're used to you always being pleasant and smiling they hate it when you make it awkward for them by being any other way than that, ever. People don't want you to have any problems so they don't have to think about you, and they can just keep thinking about themselves. That's what it seems like to me, anyway.

[not.bjcary]

YES! Diagnosed at 43 myself, and a big reason for that was the complete burnout/breakdown I experienced at 40. It felt so cliché, but it was absolutely due to not being able to handle what I now know as masking for so long. Not just masking, though, but the constant role playing/role switching because I didn't know who I was and couldn't make sense of why I struggled so much. So, age is definitely a factor in why it's so difficult to keep masking. Plus, I did it for so long, I just don't want to anymore. I want to be free, even if it means a bunch of people won't like me 🙂

[AstridSouthSea]

I related to being diagnosed after burnout. I realised something was going on when our first four week lock down happened, and i felt free for the first time in my life. No one bothering me with work interruptions, everyone kept their distance on walks outside. I just spent 4 weeks concentrating on one sculpture and it was heaven. Then the world came crashing back and i lost my ability to cope with it. Full burnout. Then diagnosis.

[Gracexplosion]

The biggest struggle I face is in communication, both in personal and work situations/relationships. I strive so much to adapt my communication style and be clear and kind with my words. But as I experience it, often the other person isn’t trying so hard and then they get frustrated with me as i seek clarity about what is being asked/expected. I like to monologue my thoughts, and get upset when frequently interrupted when telling a story or answering a question. So I’m trying to give shorter, more to the point answers to facilitate others asking questions, as seems to be their preference and natural communication style. I try to avoid assumptions, but I find others make so many assumptions about me! And then they get mad when I ask them to communicate clearly because they think I’m asking them to “change”- which in a way I am, but not to change their desires, but how they express their desires so my expectations can align better to their expectations and reality.

[mattcup]

All of these apply to me. My tipping point was when I went back to work in a high stress field after having been laid off for several months and my brain couldn’t do it anymore at all. Finally found out 2 years later on my 39th birthday that I most likely had autism all my life and never knew it. I am working on changing my lifestyle to better fit the way my brain works.

[rowenameyer]

I’m in my 60s and just diagnosed as high masking autistic. It was major burnout that lead to my diagnosis. A high stress corporate job, divorce, and trying to finish another educational degree lead to hitting a wall physically, emotionally, and the mask fell apart. What a relief to finally understand why I’ve struggled to “fit” my entire life. And it does get harder to maintain the mask the older I get.

[sarahb]

I am definitely finding it harder to mask at 51 years of age. It's exhausting and I am getting fed up of doing it as well, especially now I know I have autism, I just want to learn to be me and unmask. So far I have only managed to unmask at home with my partner, son and also my mum. Unfortunately it feels too awkward at work yet! Through masking I have managed to 'fake it' through life, it helped me to blend in and seem just like everyone else (even though it was hell in my head and body while doing so), but doing that took a huge toll on my health; mentally with anxiety and depression and CPTSD but also physically with tummy problems, arthritis, early menopause and osteopaenia. Thankfully now I know I have autism I am finally being kinder to myself, allowing more rest and not taking on so many stressful situations. I have learnt to say no to people if I can't do something and make allowances for myself such as buying noise cancelling headphones for work etc.

[James-pnwth]

59 years old and between Irene at thought spot and you Chris, I felt understood and self-explained in a way that I hadn't even expected possible. "I'm autistic? I'm autistic!"
A quite unexpected revelation

[Metica]

The first time I went to work without masking I was shocked at how much energy I had left after work. I felt like I could do it all over again without even needing to sleep.

[martinrippel]

I'm nearly 54 and have uncovered my autism through the process of my child's diagnosis around 5 years ago. It's been a bumpy road, accepting my self diagnosis...I've taken multiple self assessment tests that have all stated that I display very high correlational behaviors with ASD. I'm also ADHD...I am comforted by hearing that aging makes masking more difficult, plus the myriad of caveats...imposter syndrome is a serious problem for me, but I'm slowly accepting this reality.

[DreaAbercrombie]

I relate to everything you said. I'm 43 now and still working on getting my "official diagnosis" but I began to realize that maybe I was dealing with autism and ADHD about 2 years ago. And truthfully I totally understand what you mean by feeling like you are being pulled towards your autistic traits more and more as you age. I am so grateful to have found this amazing community and I appreciate you and your shared experiences!

[elenastubbeman]

I am 65. I was diagnosed at age 63. I was so happy at first. Finally, I understand a whole lifetime of why I was so different from others. The problem is, there really isn't much help for someone like me. It sent me into a huge serial, relieved on one hand, and sniffled greatly on the other hand. I am so grateful for you and others on YouTube who have helped me navigate all of this!

[stephr]

After i lost my (second) last job, i heard whispers that i just 'didn't fit in'. Now i know why. And I found i have a need to try to finish what i was saying even if the conversation has moved on. The bane of my social existence is when something conveniently interrupts and what im saying is no longer relevant! So i try to steer the conversation back to a place where i can finish my train of thought, not always in a very graceful way. Have also noticed that when i speak, i often do it in a slightly halting way. (If im not, then im usually overcompensating with a spiel in a very audhd way.) I've spent the better part of 18 months at home unemployed, during which i lost a grandparent, so i feel like a completely different person.