The vulnerability of “wanting to be wanted”

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[gurudra]

When a narcissist can no longer control you, they will instead try to control how others see you

[awakeandalive]

"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you". I love this quote. :)

[orchidisle]

Don’t fall for the desire to be “ protected”.

[susanblaski]

If someone is too good to be true, pay attention. My desire is to want myself and be at peace within my own skin. Don't let other folks complete you; that is your job.

[snugglefunny]

Would be great if this was taught in schools

[joseenoel]

With maturity comes the knowledge that being the centre of attention comes with the feeling that it's *over rated* 🎠

[terrace]

the sickest feeling I get is knowing that I let my guard down and basically let the demonarc invade my space. But after I took my soul back and took control of myself again I see the narc in a different light. I can actually have a good laugh at the narc, that I once looked at as a lover, and all his pitiful behavior that I choose to never be around again. LAUGHTER AT THE NARC IS THE BEST MEDICINE. ✌💕

[ebbyc]

The irony is when you think you don't want to be seen, when you stay out of the limelight, don't try to attract attention, shy away from people, keep your opinions to yourself, ...but all the while you actually REALLY want to be seen. This makes you all the more vulnerable.

[hayleycrawford]

This is so scary. Dr. Ramani is 100% right. I fought so hard to get my daddy's approval all throughout my life (I still do) that when two men in my life that I met 20+ years apart who were both narcissists, pinpointed that I was desperate to be loved and desired, I was easy prey. I was used and taken advantage of both times. I wanted so badly to be in a relationship and feel beautiful, and I despised the fact that I was always single that all it took was for these two men to stare at me, follow me around, and pay attention to me that I was immediately blinded to the fact that they just wanted to groom me for an ego boost/ and sex. My soul is crying right now. I thought they loved me, and they treated me like trash in the end. I was played for a desperate little girl and a chump. 😢

[barbarahawkins]

This absolutely hit home with me. I’ve spent most of my life seeking for this desire to be fulfilled... ran down hundreds of bad paths because I didn’t realize how needy I truly was.

[Marjo..]

6:40 yes, you're totally off guard because you're on a pedestal feeling ' in controll, powerfull, worthy and shiny'

[Tidoublemy]

Interestingly at the core of Narcissism, and why they turn out that way, is a deep craving to be SEEN and wanted by their abusive caregiver as a very small child. They were never SEEN so they became Narcissists to compensate.

[naled]

the fact that you just described my....nevermind I just cannot im so happy i found out about people like this smh this just SHOCKED that people do this....the fact that you said you weren't even attracted to them but they were so into you HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD TO THE MAX lost for words right now....

[selfaware]

He sure wasn't all that, but boy did he put me on a pedestal and gave me all the praise I never received as a child. 20 years later, filled with nar abuse from him, I know everything you said is true. This should be taught to our young people in school.

[johnchristopher]

Hi DrR... the tone and the strength in your voice, the way you look right into the camera, the body language etc... makes me feel as if you are real and talking to me face to face on a video call.

This is what sets you apart from the other therapists. Sometimes, I listen in to your videos with my eyes closed and still I feel there's someone who understands what I am going through.
Please keep the videos coming.

[TiaMat]

I find it hard to trust people when they say positive things about me. My want to be wanted has capsized into a fear to be wanted. Now I primarily think "what do you want from me?"

[AshaGlenn]

I remember dating a guy who appeared to be so into me, and it quickly turned into control. I was definitely flattered by it though. But what woke me up was that he had an issue with my best friend. Telling me that she was a bad influence and that he didn't want me hanging with her. And it was completely illogical because she was the best influence in my life at the time, I had known her for years, and I had just met him. So that's what made me cut him off. That experience gave me perspective and I ran from every guy like that afterwards. But now, it makes sense as to why I was flattered by it in the first place, being the child of a narcissist who wanted to be seen.

[smushbrain]

Hits close to home 💔 Thanks for helping us continue to understand so we can establish healthy boundaries and eventually disconnect from these manipulators.

[LadybugPhil]

Is it wrong to ask about ex's? During the love bombing, I asked alot about ex's because the narcissist seemed so amazing that I thought, "how could anyone let him go?" He would often blame everything on the ex's and then change the subject quickly. I don't mind taking accountability and explaining my past situations. I'm a believer in checking the relationship resume. Had I known a few things from the beginning about his past, the truth that he hid, I would have never allowed him into my life.

[Enceeeeeee]

Thank you Dr Ramani for this episode. I have learnt the lesson the hard way. And now looking back specially at the one most recently I acknowledge that I ignored the red flags, hoping it might be different this time. I always give people many chances but with some things so close to heart I have to stop gaslighting myself now. I have taken the first step. Thanks for all your work.