Gender Identity & Autism, with Dr. Eileen Crehan | EDB 227

Dr. Eileen Crehan discusses gender identity and sexuality on the autism spectrum.

(26 minutes)
Dr. Eileen Crehan is an assistant professor at Tufts University and head of the Crehan Lab. She is a clinical psychologist by training, and her areas of study include: neurodevelopmental disorders; autism spectrum disorder; sexuality education; social perception; eye tracking; and the dimensional measurement of psychological symptoms. Her lab focuses on social development and promoting evidence-based practices informed by science and the communities utilizing these practices.

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[adriasorensen]

Ok, so I have autism and I'm trying to figure out my gender identity... I was born as a female but going through puberty was terrifying for me. When I started through puberty, I was too terrified to even see my body change. Around 7th grade, I would get up at 5:30 am and shower in the dark wearing a bathing suit because I was too afraid to see myself naked. I dreaded getting my period and didn't tell anyone. The first time I got my period, I didn't even wear a pad and wore black pants to hide blood and was in denial. After a few days, I felt uncomfortable and knew I needed to started using a pad. However, I was too terrified to see the blood . I would change my pad with my eyes closed and put the used pad in a brown paper sandwich bag, because I was to terrified to see blood from my body as a way to avoid seeing my body going through puberty. This way I could about or be in denial about my kid body developing into a woman's body. I never wanted to grow like Peter pan because I just horrified going through puberty. It wasn't until I was in college and had a few sexual experiences and sexual desires in order to eventually one day be able to look at myself naked for the first time in like 6 years. Not sure how that magically seemed to happen one day, but I'm guessing the sex urges helped me overcome my fear seeing myself naked... since It's kind of hard to get laid fully clothed. I didn't even know that I had sex dysphoria or that it even existed. The first time I learned or heard the word nombinary was in my thirties. I had no clue and still know very little about gender dysphoria and want to learn about it. I mean, I think It's pretty obvious that my experience going through puberty is not normal. To this day, I wear men's clothing and never want to get pregnant. I would die from the terror and trauma of having to give birth...serioysly. I'd either have to have an abortion or die from a heart attack before my body starts going into labor. No, me giving birth would be the equivalent of you letting a grizzly bear bite your head off and being eaten alive. In addition, I never liked the thought of adhering to gender female roles in our society and feel repulsed and offended by people who have tried to force me to "act like a girl or assume I like something or am a certain way just because I'm a girl. Anyway, I need to explore or figure out my identity. All I know for sure is that I am not a cis female and in general that the whole gender thing really just pisses me off.

[k.lambda]

As an autistic person, I find gender ultimately confusing, but I knew at age 6 that I wanted to be a girl. But of course, that wasn't allowed for someone with my body type, so I just added "boy" to my masking behaviors. Decades later, I'm finally getting some help on all of these things, and I'm still confused by what normies think of as "gender". So call me femme-presenting non-binary femme attracted, and you'll probably hit pretty close to the mark. We need these stories, and we need to hear more on this deeply troubling intersectionality.

[anonymouse]

I never got officially got labelled as autistic by a professional, but seeing both my childhood and current behaviors I pretty much have no doubt I'm on the spectrum, even tho I'm "high-functioning" (or at least pretend to be, it feels like most of the time, it's very exhausting). I'm a cis-woman and have always identified as female and I personally don't want to change my gender, but I have always identified with a more "boyish" character, or when I am feeling girly, I internally feel like being a very flamboyant type, like a drag queen or dramatic actress. I think that's why I usually like either very bright colored dresses & hair pieces or other days I like to wear loose, dark non-feminine or gender neutral clothing. I'm attracted to both men and women, but have found myself always very uncomfortable with the "male gaze" since adolescence. I used to want that approval bc I saw it as my way to fit into mainstream society and be seen and heard, but whenever a guy checked me out, even if I was mutually attracted to them, it always made me feel this weird internal dissonance. Same uncomfortable feeling when I wear clothing that most young women wear when they go out; I used to think I was boring and prudish but now I realize that this isn't me being prudish, it's a part of my intrinsic identity to not fit into current feminine culture or gender roles, and nothing can change that. And after working thru my insecurities, I now have nothing against the women who are "mainstream." Hopefully neurodivergent and gender-nonconforming ppl will gain more acceptance and representation in society as well as have their voices heard instead of mocked, but I do appreciate that I can walk my own path and ppl can walk their own, and it's still possible to get along if ppl (esp the neurotypicals) would take the time to put in the effort.
I'm at the point now that I'm more accepting of my true self, I know it may be harder to find people like me but there are parts of myself I can no longer mask or reject. I'm unfortunately at an age and from an ethnic background where my parents are rlly stressing about the fact that I haven't been thinking about relationships or marriage. But I am relationship-phobic right now bc there are so many complex parts of my identity that I know won't allow me to function under the gendered expectations still existing in many relationships or expected by many men. I've always had a bit more of a biting personality-I love to debate, argue, go on long discussions about philosophy, politics, science, space, which is why I love talking to men (women talk about this too but in all honesty it's still hard to find these types of women in mainstream society, outside of academia at least). But for the most part, I don't think I like men in the way they wanna be liked. I really like being friends with them, and it's easier to find men like this in the field I'm going into, but in most of society, a lot of straight men still function in a way that they mainly pay attention to women as a potential romantic interest, or they completely overlook them if they're not physically attracted/fit into their expectations and desires. Which is honestly rlly sad and has taken me a long time to both figure out and accept. I do find that most of the women I still have as friends are also neurodivergent, whether they have autism or ADHD. We just have this understanding and types of interests that allows us to click easily.
I wouldn't consider myself asexual/ace, but I am simply not as sexually driven as most ppl my age (early 20s). I base my connections and relationships on how I connect with them spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Sex & physical intimacy to me is very secondary, although I don't mind cuddling. Small romantic gestures are nice, and I personally like doing "romantic" things myself like writing poems or playing music, but I am averse, almost repulsed by a lot of romance you see in most relationships. It just feels...annoying and unnecessary, even things like marriage proposals, esp the dramatic ones. So yeah, I hope this provides a better understanding into how it feels to be a gender-nonconforming, most likely neuro-divergent woman.

[Catlily]

What percentage of Autistic people have different gender identities and/or sexual orientations?