The hidden power of not (always) fitting in. | Marianne Cantwell | TEDxNorwichED

This talk is for those who are good at looking like they fit into their various worlds (be it industry / workplace / social group)…. but who, on the inside, secretly feel like an outsider.

Discover how this tendency can mask a real hidden strength (even if it doesn’t feel that way), see a fresh way of handling this in order to make the most of who you are… and why the traits many of us hide are precisely what we need to embrace to thrive in today’s fast-changing world.

Author of Be A Free Range Human (translated into 5 languages and featured in The Guardian, Forbes, CBS, etc), founder of Free Range Humans and business mentor with a passion for doing things in line with your personality. Marianne has helped over 10,000 people see how to create a life (and grow businesses) where they don’t have to leave their personality at the door to get paid.

Marianne lives in London, UK, but spends about half the year overseas where she loves exploring how people navigate questions of work, life (and the big ‘where do I fit anyway?!’) within different cultures.

[shawningram]

"You don't find your place as a liminal person, you create it." Damn! That is one of the singularly most powerful lines I've ever heard.

[bongekilezwane]

"Don't find your place, create it!"- Marianne Cantwell. Thank you, I needed to hear this.

[AshleyRose]

I feel like I’m weird or just not in place. Like I have no desire to be in a relationship or have friends I never bothered to maintain high school friends as I never felt like I could connect with anyone. I usually just sit up in in my room all day jamming out to music or painting. I feel socially awkward as I’ve always been shy

[salliegucwa]

Where was this when I was 18? I’m 37 and just now hearing about this. I have always been “eclectic” in my tastes, hobbies, never fitting in yet fitting in everywhere a little bit. I can’t wait to look into this concept more!

[aliciagc]

INFJ here. I could not relate more. Thank you for articulating this so beautifully. I have always felt like I “kind of” fit in, but always felt on the outside. At the same time I don’t truly want to fit in. It would mean losing myself.

[jackwalker]

Thank you Marianne! I am 63 years old and have always wondered why people can't understand me and this speech did a good job of explaining it.

[BangemisMobileRF]

Before i clicked the video

“shes pretty, she looks like shes from australia”

After i clicked the video

“I have a gift”

[discreetbolivar]

If you felt that this presentation is about you, you definetely should read Barbara Sher's book, Refuse to choose. It's about a specific type of people, "Scanners" who have broad and ever changing interests unlike other people, those she call "Divers".
It's a really good book, altough a bit outdated in certain aspects. I read it and it helped a great deal to know myself better and to find my purpose.

[migimuis]

Thank you. I felt down today for feeling like an outsider and being different. I needed to hear this

[jaycee]

Jack of all trades, master of none, but better than being master of only one.

[rustbeltvan-life]

Well problem with me is I don't have any desire to please anyone anymore. I can't take my unique gifts and wrap them up all pretty so someone will pay money for them. I just like to be myself. I do cool things and if people want to share in it with me they can but normally they don't and I'm not going to go out of my way to entice people to like the unique things I'm doing. We can't all be famous or entrepreneurs. Some gifted individuals end up homeless or dead, forever unknown and unappreciated. And, while this talk is very inspiring and positive, thr negatives are a real possibility and something you have to accept as a possibility if you decide to be completely yourself. Some people get lucky and some people just happen to have natural appeal but not everyone does.

[gagebrown]

Yes! I have always felt like I can get along with most groups, but I’m always out on the fringes. I never fully feel like a member of any group. I definitely have an individualist mindset. I don’t buy into the collective hive mindset.

[jordanaestelle]

Literally since I realized to stop trying to fit in and to stop making myself feel uncomfortably popular in highschool I realized how dead everyone else really is. There is no passion in their lives and love for nature or the world and universe, they just be and never want to question or philosophy. All they do is small talk and gossip about things that don’t matter rather then contributing to conversations that are actually interesting, they are close minded and stuck in their group identity antic that they’ve had drummed in their brains since they were little. I’ve always felt alone and unique since I was a baby, I always would have moments of being at parties and looking at everyone in front of me and realizing “why am I here and what do these people really mean or offer for me? And why don’t I ever belong”. I’ve also always been disliked by other women for being myself and looking the way that I do and outcasted since I’ve been in middle school from most girls because I’m almost always seen as a threat or they misjudge me before they actually have a conversation. I used to feel lonely but now I realize they’re the ones that are trapped.

[marilyngandhi]

I am 71 and I get to be liminal now... thank you so much!!!

[eveapple]

Bingo. Life long identity crisis fixed. Always seeming like you fit in and move effortlessly between different people, adapting to whatever social or work environment you are in - being able to pick up new skills quickly to a decent level but never really be a master at anything - feeling dislocated inside as if you are never truly accepted, but are a useful person to keep around so you get superficial niceties but no one really cares about you on a personal level; others being more inclined to find you intimidating even if you are nice, because deep down they can’t pigeon hole / categorise you and that is alien and frightening to most non liminal thinkers (are they going to take my spot mentality/ that took me ages to learn how to do that well, why are they able to pick that up so fast/ how come they spotted this thing could be done differently and I never did, I’m the expert!)This all makes a lot of sense!

[andreipopescu]

Thank you🙏🏞️🌈🌌! I do belong here🤗❤️❤️❤️

[gezconstant]

Wow..I always felt stuck at my job and never was satisfied until I felt my role was complete. Studying screenwriting, feeling like I was on top of the world at a point. I never really fit in with any one group, but naturally be relatable and hold conversations intellectually in depth was my strong-suit. I feel I'm a natural born leader, the one thing we can do as "generalist" is create our own island/ universe to realize our true strengths and it's place in a world that embodies innovation.

[ska]

i never felt i was not normal, untill people pointed out.

_it seems i am liminal in true sense, and i think i know most of my strengths, but now i know i gotta break some stereotypes in future._

[mlboldon]

Your talk was absolutely on point! I've been trying to decide "what i want to be when I grow up" (I'm over 50) while having fun with different hobbies and small adventures using my various God-given talents.
Now I can stop worrying/wondering and live my life as I was created. LIMINAL!

[newms]

Thank's Marianne, as someone who chastises himself every day for a lack of single focus, yet knows himself well enough to understand there is no one thing for me, your example helps immensely. Outward success does not necessarily reflect how we feel inside, worth referencing here Amy Cuddy and her insight on Imposter syndrome (she also did a cracking Ted talk).