The hidden power of siblings: Jeff Kluger at TEDxAsheville

Jeffrey Kluger is senior editor of TIME Magazine's science and technology reporting. He has written or co-written more than 35 cover stories for TIME and regularly contributes articles and commentary on science and health stories. Kluger is also co-author, with astronaut Jim Lovell, of Lost Moon: The Perilous Voyage of Apollo 13, which was the basis of the Apollo 13 movie released in 1995. His other books include, Splendid Solution, published in 2006, which tells the story of Jonas Salk and the polio vaccine. He is also the author of the 2008 Hyperion release Simplexity: Why Simple Things Become Complex (and Why Complex Things Can Be Made Simple), the young adult novel Freedom Stone, and the newly released The Sibling Effect. Before joining TIME, Kluger was a staff writer for Discover magazine, where he wrote the "Light Elements" humor column, and he was also an editor for the New York Times Business World Magazine, Family Circle and Science Digest. Kluger, who is also an attorney, has taught science journalism at New York University.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[nancyanderson]

I hah an older sibling who was dangerously mentally ill, so I spent the first ten years of my life running for my life. I was stabbed before the age of four, but I grew up knowing this person was sick. Now, at 85, my memories are dominated by compassion. All of us humans are siblings. God grant us compassion for the sick among us.

[signalfire]

Would love to hear him talk about the bond of siblings who grow up in abusive households because that’s a whole other level of diehard love. If my siblings didn’t exist, I wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t have had the strength to want to live through it. All we had was each other and now, as adults, that bond is unbreakable.

[abbyxmin]

"The sibling bond can be a thing of abiding in love. Our parents leave us too early, our spouse and our children come along too late. Our siblings are the only ones who with us for the entire ride." Thank you for the affirmations and informations Mr. Kluger.

[dushanisayakkara]

My mom says that siblings are the part of your parents body that lives on even after your parents death. Therefore looking after your siblings is equal to being grateful for what the parents did for you. That's very true.

[miceymolander]

When my nephew was four, he had enough of being bullied, even at school. He went straight up to report to his longtime nemesis--his ten year old older sister--who in turn, instilled fear onto the bullies. Apparently, she declared that only she had the right to bully her younger brother. Siblings.

[vineson]

This is beautiful when the bond is non toxic. Putting out this statement should also come with the note that some sibling bonds do not/cannot work and that this should not make one feel hindered in some way.

[susanwilliams]

I can say wholeheartedly that I miss the discussions I used to have with my younger brother (14 months apart). I still have days where I cry because I miss his presence even after 33+ years.

[nsilver]

I lost my only brother three years ago suddenly, and I can attest that without him, regardless of how much we argued, life has become half-empty rather than half-full. So many inside jokes and stuff only he and I knew and shared over 44 years evaporated into thin air without warning. As his younger brother, I am today 44 we were just 2.5 years apart. I I feel what Jeff said about the Kennedy brother to be true. In many ways I not only am prepared to die sooner than later, and I have come to expect it to happen in a similar way. It somehow feels "right" that I should go out like he did... perhaps similar to the way one soldier might run out into the battlefield prepared to die after watching his best mates fall in front of him. I realize now without him I would have been a completely different person, and that when we were alive all we saw were our differences, we seemed like polar opposites, yet now that he's gone i realize there is nobody on earth who is anything like me,  that even comes close to sharing traits. Like a mirror image he was the opposite, but no different. Half of me went out that day with him for sure and growing older alone has become an extremely dark tunnel ahead I no longer look forward to and try desperately not to envision. I planned for many things and was prepared to handle pretty much all the punches life has to offer, but losing my brother Stew at 44 was beyond imaginable. It just never seemed possible. I had never considered it even as a remote possibility. To think my older big bro was younger than myself today at his oldest defies natural logic. This truly destroyed my family in so many ways, i can only thank god I had spent 10 month on my brother's couch a few years before he died so we had a chance for a few more fights and many more laughs before it was all over. RIP big bro.;

[layasaul]

I tuned in to this talk to see if I could find some comfort or healing for the broken relationships I have with my brothers. I didn't. It is a sad point in my life that there is so much misunderstanding and no way to talk it through. But I did try to raise my kids in a way that they would remain close throughout their lives. So far so good.

[proverbsliving]

I am so blessed to have my 5 siblings. At ages 30-48 we 6 kids love to spend time together. They are some of my very closest friends.

[bygrace]

Unfortunately it's a sad fact that some siblings don't get on. Some siblings are so different to each other they are more like strangers. I have one sibling who is a self centered narcissist and for my own well being I have to keep away from her.

[mariadejucilene]

I love my siblings. I owe our bond to my parents, who set the tone for our relationships, by not having favourites, and NEVER colluding with one against the other.
Sure, we fight, especially when we were young, and we don’t always see eye-to-eye but, we always want to make it right for each other. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and yet, when push-comes-to-shove we can count on each other 🙂💚 I am truely blessed.

[lisas]

My brother was my first friend and my lifelong friend. The person with whom I shared a history of a wonderful childhood, parents and life. We were close always, even into adulthood. He passed away unexpectedly. He developed a clot in his leg while wearing a leg cast. The clot went to his lung. Pulmonary Embolism. I rushed to the ER and was told he was gone. It was the worst day of my life. I am no longer the person I was. I can’t explain it. I go on because my brother would never want me to be stuck in this grief.

[purpleviolet]

Unfortunately, I Know people who tried so hard to reconnect with their siblings after the breakdown, of the relationship But, their sibling or siblings didn't want anything to do with them. Some people have siblings they haven't spoken to in many years Sad. But true

[MartyJackson]

My brother Jay died this May aged 29. I just turned 29 and I miss him lots. Siblings are so easy to take for granted, if you’re read this and it applies to you - go hang out with your siblings.

[marjoriejohnson]

My brothers added to the stress of caring for our parents offering no help or even verbal support. This added to my stress/ cortisol levels and lead to major health problems. So much for my minister oldest brother or my also entitled younger brother.

[sharondavis]

I listened to this bravely to attempt a form of self-healing. Since my mother’s death 5 years ago, we are completely estranged. I know part of my past is missing without their perspective on our shared lives.Our parents are dead and as well as two brothers of the six of us. I know it’s not normal but it takes two to make a relationship. With each death, came further apart. Realize now that family doesn’t have to love you. I am a first born daughter and was determined my two children never felt marginalized by me.

[megmathisen]

I come from a large family of seven children. I really appreciate this conversation and the talk, however, I would say when you can’t trust a sibling, and you know they’re going to hurt you, let go of that relationship. I unfortunately have a sibling who brings me only harm. I will not be attempting to rebuild a relationship with her.

[tessah.]

Wonderful talk. I have a very dysfunctional family. I’m the eldest of 3 children. My sister has type 1 bipolar and my brother has moderate autism. My father has always given my sister special treatment and shunned me over trivial things. I’m the scapegoat and he always tries to pit my sister against me. I love her a lot and I wish he wouldn’t make it so hard for me to have a relationship with her. I won’t give up though and I know one day we’ll be close.

[bonniegirl]

I have the best brother and sister anyone could ever have. I am blessed.