Q&A: The 'Second Wife' Discussion with the Husband | Mufti Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf

Question: I feel uncomfortable when my husband speaks about a second wife, am I being selfish?

[ninass]

I think y’all in the comments are mistaking that polygamy was revealed to quench out mens desires, it was not 🙂. It was actually meant to protect woman/and their offspring, that verse was revealed post war (after war) where many woman where left widowed and their offspring were left fatherless. Plus all the wives of the prophet were divorcees/widowed except literally (one)

[honeyrose]

It’s best to have this discussion before marriage in a halal manner so there are no issues after marriage.

[اسماءبنتمحمد-جت]

please understand women's also have a heart and feelings

[yasminhusain]

sorry this lecture was given wrong.. if he's going to cheat because he can't have another wife, then he doesn't even deserve his first wife.. and that's HIS FAULT for not respecting the limits of Allah and fearing Him.

[irened]

assalam i had an aranged marraige, tried to make it work .times were hard, yet i thought we were ok He always talked about second marraige, so i listened did not act jealous or anything, Then he started sitting at this place where he went and sat and everyday he would sit and talk to this woman. I tried to talk about it but he shut me up and started acting real nasty, He was rude and disrespctful to me.I would pass and see then sitting on her veranda and act like i could not see.i stopped going that way.He married her after 10years of this behavior
I am 48 and have been married for 28 years i have children who are ready to marry and you know the most painful part is that for most of my married life financially we have struggled, i moved to india with him and stayed and this is what i get . pray to Allah the almighty for guidance

[forestriver]

I am a revert Muslim a week ago, I don't know much about the Qu'ran yet, in my opinion, if our goal to the Jannah, then we will help each other to avoid sin. In Jannah the man has atleast two wives.
This maybe very hard to women but it's also a way to perfect our unconditional love and acceptance.
Peace. May Allah guides our heart.😔

[aal-e-ahmadhussain]

In summary:

1) Be aware of your own personal biases.
2) Don’t trivialise, taboo or “weaponise” the topic.
3) Raise healthy discussion without any foregone or assumed conclusions.
4) Come to terms with Allah’s ﷻ thoughts on the matter by both Reasoning & Feeling.

[zahara]

Quran understood in its entirety: treat others as you would yourself. So husbands ask yourself would you be ok if your wife has a second husband? That would be your answer.

[TheMercifulAndJust]

Falling into Haram is not always the reason for men to take another wife.

[mIbrahim]

People think that only men are on fault here. Just last year, I was asked by sister to be her husband. She was willingly wanted to be a second wife because she couldn't carry kids. But just cos she couldn't doesnt mean she cant have desjres. If islam wasn't there. A non Muslim would have slept with her and she would be his side chick, islam comes and protects her right as a women. And it will be a win win for both sides. There are many examples. In uk non Muslims are sleeping around without having any protecting and then get hurt. Islam avoids all that.

[EvaAnika]

If one wife isn't enough for a man, he won't be satisfied with two, three, or four wives. he will always have wantering eyes for more. Why would women want to live in a household like that?

[nataliellorente]

No, I think a woman would feel bad about it if her husband does things in secret and covers up wrongdoing. When he is not clear about his intentions with you or another woman. If he is truthful and clear on the matter from the beginning there would not be any issues. It's if he starts to lie or hide the truth that it hurts a woman's heart.

[liveloveandlaughlaugh]

You can better divorce him and let him go.
And if you have childeren let them stay with you and stay in good friendship with the father from your kids, because a child need also the love from a father.
And if you dont have childeren leave him. You deserve better.

[shoh]

Whenever I ask men how they would feel if they shared their wife with 3 other husbands they say it's not allowed. They can never address the question how they would FEEL and we all know why that is.

[violetanyc]

It's a reality and we should not be ashamed of talking about something that is halal

[bhebzskyz]

Sorry to hear this topic, ;it's so painful to hear as a woman !muslim men doesn't respect the feelings of women they are selfish, , ,the word of Allah says :u can marry two or three wives as long as u can treat them equally n fairly, , they never understand fully!!remember u can't serve the two kings at the same time 😌😌

[Seca]

Wallahi I am so dissappointed with this imam. I know there are imams out there who talk about this subject in a logical way. While this? This just rotates about the sexual desires of men. What are you doing to Islam? You misinterpret our deen.

[Tippy]

I think that basically women shouldn’t make their whole life revolve around their husbands. We need to get romantic ideas out of our heads, maybe we as married women need to wake up and have something else in our lives too, be it work, education, interests, businesses, open up our own social networks and basically have a life. The nature of men is different to that of women. Maybe we should just face it. But that doesn’t mean they are allowed to have affairs and marry their mistresses. We all know the strict Islamic ruling on adultery. Stoning to death is not a joke. Children need to be around their fathers and it’s more difficult if parents get divorced. One wife is more straightforward and satisfying for most men. But if the man is very rich it’s not a bad deal, you could get your own house out of him, children, have a career and get intimate when needed. It’s sounds horrible but it is logical. This is not paradise, this is duniya. Just bear in mind the punishment for adultery. It’s all a test and Allah swt knows best. What do you think?

[mohammedmafaz]

As a married muslim I agree what mufti said. It's very hard to control desire. May Allah save us from fitna!

[asiya_s]

It’s hard to find an Imam these days that will perform a nikha for a couple that wishes to marry in the way of polygamy. I’ve have had and seen so many doors shut and slammed in our faces. InshaAllah we find one that believes without judgment. Ameen.