Attracted to the Wrong People?

Why is it that we're drawn to people who treat us poorly? It's a complex issue with countless reasons. Yet there's one reason in particular that goes to the core of why so many people struggle with this, and it's "familiarity."

The truth is, there's something strangely familiar about these individuals and their behavior. It might be traced back to our childhood, how our caregivers treated us, or even the experiences that have silently shaped our perception of love.

If this resonates with you, please give yourself some compassion, because it's not your fault. Many of us developed these responses when survival instincts, not conscious choices, dictated our actions.

Thank you, @lewishowes for having me on your show! You can see the full podcast on his channel.

#MatthewHussey #RelationshipAdvice #DatingAdvice

[jilliankelleher]

Learning this as I get older and it’s quite a hard pill to swallow — seeing your patterns, exercising restraint and trying to be kind to yourself in the process. I am attracted to emotionally unavailable people because it’s what I know and understand— and even when I know I’m doing it, it still doesn’t change the desire part, which is the hardest thing to shake. More content on this PLEASE. How do we break these horrible habits without feeling perpetually alone??

[wonderwomanx]

"We weren't deciding our response patterns." excellent quote Hussey.

[Dragonmoon]

I'm a guy. But, I read something that stuck with me.

Some young girls are taught that if a boy is "mean, " it means they like you.
Something we've all heard. I never really thought much about it. But, seeing how many girls find that type of guy appealing. Kind of offers a bit of context where it starts.

[amypola]

When you see it, say, ah, that's familiar, and walk away.

[teresataylor]

I'm just coming out of this dynamic
I've waisted years chasing that person.
I've had to go no contact and I'm beginning to see, learn and heal 😊

[lcbagley]

I didn’t grow up with neglecting parents or dying for attention or chasing.. I don’t understand how I get entangled with emotionally immature or unavailable guys. I definitely haven’t had boundaries or listened to them SAY their red flags early on, that part is for sure on me for sticking around for 6+ months and then something switches. I attract the instant love bombers.. who also don’t see who I really am. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄

[NyNy-lyjs]

I expect sweetness, kindness and generosity and if not given I move on. I have been in that energy for 15 yrs I can't except anything less. Funny thing is my energy mostly attract that because bums don't even come my way like that anymore. Amazing. Nothing but quality men that wants to build. I'm newly widow.

[BQ]

My late husband cooked and cleaned sometimes to be helpful but like my parents he would get angry and hit me. Now I have a fiancé who is very patient and I feel confused.

[joyjones]

Holding nonjudgmental space, compassion and understanding for the parts of myself that are codependent or attracted to people who treat me indifferently. #cepv #IMustWin

[amygerstle]

Especially hard when you are vulnerable and already dealing with a major loss🔥💔❤️

[cee]

Well said Mathew.
We draw towards the anxiety that we try to draw away from.

[joydarling]

You’re the best. You always say what I need to hear. I am so grateful for you. 🙏🏻

[Strawberrysoul]

When this familarity is here - we want to heal what was not healed in childhood.

[skrduncan]

Facts. Keep preaching this Matthew because it’s incredibly relevant.

[alejandravillanueva]

Bc there is a deeper lesson there for you to learn, it is not about the other person. We are mirrors. So there is something within yourself you are overlooking when you find yourself in relationships that don't work out. It was never about the other person. Heal your self and see the realest love flow to you. See the blessings that happen for you when you go inward. This is a continual lifelong process. It gets messiest before the breakthroughs. And this does not mean those people weren't "wrong" for you. This does not mean to go back and fix what was broken. If you can level up together, do that. But don't force it. Don't keep trying to fix what's meant to be broken. Learn the lesson and keep moving. Stay appreciative. Stay kind. Stay in love. ❤

[deniseelliott]

Yes this is so true and must of us do it .

[dawnstonerock]

I hated it. After a couple of months he ghosted me and I let him trail.away. Don't miss anything!!

[CarpeDiem]

It might be because it’s a challenge to change them or their minds into being nice or kind! Negative aspects often attract more than the positive- sadly . It’s the naughty child who gets the attention!

[Kangin-ki]

It is so easy to hear and understand when two absolutely gorgeous human beings share smart opinions. this is so alarmingly true that i need some time to digest....Hope i can find the answer for myself.

[marinakiilerich]

Dear brothers and sisters, Matheus is talking about Attachment Theory and styles. Look into it.
❤