Ask a Therapist: Can we talk about Bisexuality?

Bisexuality. Is it an outdated term, or is it one which speaks to you? Or both?
This week we are introducing our bisexuality series. This one is an overview of what bisexuality is, what it is not, and how Bi-erasure plays into how society as a whole feels about the term bisexual.

#bisexuality #AskATherapist #bisexual

[filipesantos]

I came across you channel and I can’t stop watching your videos because all of them are so helpful. I’m from Brazil and I’m facing a huge doubt moment about myself, including sexuality, so I wanna say thank you for sharing your time and knowledge with us.

[ThePopesWife]

Love this and all your videos! So many have hit home and helped me understand my bisexuality and religious trauma. So thankful to have found this channel. Thanks for all you are doing for the LGBTQIA+ community and those that have religious trauma! It's amazing to have the language to explain what I've been through ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[pretty]

Wow I've never seen a therapist like you on YouTube. We have these fake spiritual people in our country that perform conversion therapy that call themselves therapists and gurus. I already like you a lot thanks for confirming I'm not "greedy" or "just confused" and just validating my identity. I'm probably never gonna come out to my parents because I'm pretty sure they won't take me seriously/ tell me it's a phase or worse I'll get grounded for Atleast I won't get kicked out ig. Thank you 😭

[katdino]

I'm 22 and just started figuring myself out after years of analysis paralysis. Sometimes I freak out because I keep thinking if I'll ever find someone or if I'll ever find peace with my sexuality. I'm sure that I am more drawn to women in all aspects but there's this curiosity that I just have to unfold from men. Can you make a video on how to explore and understand your sexuality? I'm glad I came across your channel. I am taking my masters in Clinical Psychology but I also have this worry that I wouldnt be able to practice well and serve my clients confidently in the future if I don't understand this essential part of myself.

[le]

Is it bad that I class myself as bisexual. I like basically anyone. Men, women, non binary people. I’ve been told I’m pan but I find bi a comfortable thing to define myself. So surely that’s okay?

[chiarardn]

Don't forget that the only openly bisexual characters we see in Buffy the Vampire Slayer are demons: Angelus, Spike, Darla, Drusilla, Moloch the Corruptor, Vamp!Willow in the alternate universe from episodes "The Wish" and "Doppelganger" in season 3...
And on top of that, all the other non-demonic BtVS characters who are "implied" to be bisexual are villains: Glory, Ethan Rayne, Jonathan and Andrew--although the last two kind of redeem themselves later on...
I loved and still love that show, despite everything, but I think associating bisexuality with villainy was even more damaging to the bisexual community than the bi-erasure they carried out by making Willow's character identify as gay rather than bi.

[roxyg]

Are you accepting clients via zoom? Do you see clients virtually?

[Goombachi]

Mostly good video, though I don't think the discussion on bisexual vs. pansexual is perfect. You do mention that bisexual can mean attraction to the same and different genders, but one thing I would've mentioned is that this can work within the word bisexual itself. Namely, that it includes both heterosexuality (attraction to different genders) and homosexuality (attraction to the same gender). The bi- label is really a combination of those two, rather than strictly being "two genders." If anything, I think the bigger issue is people assuming that heterosexual always means a strictly male/female relationship.

Some people use bisexual to mean that you enjoy genders differently, while pansexual means that you just don't "see" gender in the first place. However, I've both seen pansexuals say that they do have a preference and bisexuals say that they don't, so take that for what you will. You could argue that this compartmentalization is damaging to bisexuals as well: since they are seen as sexually promiscuous, saying that they care about gender more than personality might be seen as damaging. That's what the "Hearts not parts" campaign of the 1980's was trying to disprove, after all.


Personally, even though I am bisexual, I try to avoid this topic except as an intellectual curiosity. I get why both groups emerged and why both can mean incredibly similar things, but I think both groups are assigning some labels to the other group's thoughts that might not necessarily apply, and they're both sort of talking past each other as a result. At the end of the day, I don't think the distinction is super important--I just chose bisexual because it has more history and is more universally understood. I don't want to have to have this long discussion in the middle of a date or whatever, if I can help it.

I think a lot of this confusion comes from what non-binary means for most people. Putting it into another category as a "third gender" is convenient for forms and studies and labels, but from what I've heard from non-binary folks, it's moreso that they feel neither gender (agender), or they feel both genders (bigender), or they shift between feeling one gender and another gender (genderfluid). Sure, some may prefer a third gender entirely, but I think a lot of the labeling is trying to ascribe a hair color to someone who's bald, to give an analogy.

[learleanatrimmer]

Don't Forget About Blaine From Glee, They Did The Same Thing To Him As Well, He Was Also Bisexual, But They Didnt Mention Him Being Bisexual, They Made It Look Like He Was Just Experimenting, And There's Nothing Wrong With That, But There's Everything Wrong With Dissmissing Someone's Identity Just Because You Dont Understand It 😠😠😠😠😠😠