How To Overcome Your Fear Of Intimacy | Relationship Advice

In this video, I’m going to talk about How to Overcome Your Fear of Connection & Closeness in Relationships

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#Intimacy #Relationships #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #Love #Dating #FearfulAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidant #IntimacyIssues #Closeness #Connection

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[NaeK]

I'm a DA. As a child, physical closeness was never any trouble: I could hug or kiss my parents. They loved that. As soon as I tried to express myself or seek reassurance from them (and my siblings) I was teased or rejected. My attempt at opening up emotionally and talking about my feelings were dismissed or I was made to feel ashamed. Crying over a sad movie? My siblings would say "You're such a cry baby." I learnt that expressing emotion or crying was shameful and embarrassing so I stopped. When I wanted to discuss something that I was curious about, especially in regards to love, sex and death, my parents wouldn't know how to have those conversations and instead hug me or hold me, telling me "shhhh, you don't have to think or worry about that right now." I started to hate physical touch/closeness because it felt dismissive; physical touch without the emotional connection felt...empty. When I would have a breakdown to my parents and start to pour my emotions to them, I was told to go to my room and be quiet when I really just wanted to be heard. My parents argued about money a lot so I never asked for things, I didn't want to be a burden, so I never learnt how to ask or voice my needs. In fact, when I needed new shoes or socks desperately I would cry because I felt so ashamed having to receive or need something from others. Now I associate 'needing' and needs with weakness, when others need something from me I feel like "stop. I've never asked anything from you, so don't ask so much of me. I have to meet my own needs 100% and I have nothing left to give."
Wow. Just thinking about it makes so much sense. Now, in adulthood, instead of communicating my feelings or needs to my partner, I hug him. When he tries to connect with me emotionally, I become mute and instead just hold him because that's how my attempts at connection were responded to as a kid. That also probably shaped my sexuality: being a demisexual, as I can't experience physical attraction without an emotional connection (funny though because being a Demisexual DA is an odd combination). I associated physical touch with being dismissed and ignored, so any intimacy in the form of touch was meaningless to me.
This was a bit of a rant, but this video helped me realise a lot of things. Thank god for everyone at PDS. I really want to rewrite these narratives that no longer serve me in my life.

[bernadettemeade]

Does anyone else experience high anxiety and panic attacks when they sense emotional closeness or vulnerability?

[malindarayallen]

Totally off topic, but I'm loving the new nude lipstick!

[hashtagspandas]

We ALL have this, on very different levels

[REK]

Please talk about the reasons why anxious preoccupied engages in surveillance behavior

[rhokesh]

Attention, sob story incoming... I vaguely remember this one from when I was about kindergarten age, I used to sometimes crawl into bed with my parents, which I knew they didn't like because me being there with them meant they couldn't sleep (sleeping me turns into something like a fidget spinner)- and then what happened was, either my dad moved out to sleep in my bed, or they'd wait until I had fallen asleep to carry me back to my room. Which of course woke me up... and so I'd be half awake, noticing what was going on, but couldn't get myself to say or do something. I just kinda resigned. This happened two times, I think- I'm a bit hazy on the details- and then I gave it up. Take away: I'm a nuisance.

(And the irony of it is how sad my parents always were because of me never wanting to cuddle with them, or even spend time with them... I preferred being alone as early as three. Even told my mum to go away once when she came to check on me after I'd been playing alone for hours, the story is being told to this day.)

[roshalllambert]

Wow I was really excited when I saw the title and clicked right away! I was also thinking of giving a video suggestion regarding communication scripts from the DAs perspective while interacting with other attachment styles regarding how can they get comfortable expressing their needs in relationships and meet other peoples needs, how to handle protest behaviors etc since not a lot of information about that is provided on online platforms.

[anjakeller]

I am sad that the thing that stand between me and other is that I can't show myself as I am, warts and all. So I am now single forever because it is so much more peaceful and I have so much more energy because I don't have to carry around the facade. I really need to mull this content over..

[angelinahomem-serpa]

I want to thank you so much, this has helped me so much.

[LinYouToo]

How about because of physical trauma as a child including sexual abuse? Do you have content on this topic? I hope one day not to flinch when someone touches me and I don’t see it coming.

[Stella-cvmc]

What if the fear of intimacy stems from intense enmeshment trauma? :(

[monkeybone]

What if that closeness triggers your ptsd due to the bond you had with your abuser? I find myself becoming disgusted by myself and the other person whenever I attempt to be emotionally intimate with others.

[tenor]

Can someone please send this to my partner anonymously 😅😭