I Wish Someone Told Me: The 10 Things All Caregivers and Aging Adults Should Know About Caregiving

I Wish Someone Told Me: The 10 Things All Caregivers and Aging Adults Should Know About Caregiving

In this video, caregiving expert Pamela D. Wilson combines 20+ years of professional and personal experience and humor to share common caregiving surprises. Ten topics about caregiving experiences are discussed that respond to statements by the caregiver of "I wish someone told me caregiving would be like this" and of the aging adult, "I wish someone told me aging would be like this."

Caregiving is rarely discussed as if caregiving is something we shouldn't talk about until the responsibility becomes a reality. Worry exists that if we talk about caregiving, loved ones may decline to help. The United States is a youth oriented society that postpones talking about aging, caregiving, power of attorney, and physial health declines until they occur.

New caregivers are shocked by being swept up into a whirlwind of activity after being catapulted into caregiving. The role of caregiver happens unexpectedly with a 3 a.m. emergency phone call.
Family members who have been caregiving for some time, experience emotional and physical decline as the responsibilities of caregiving increase. Aging adults feel guilty that they need care and have to rely on aging children and family for care.

Caregiving and power of attorney are family issues. Having caregiving conversations early and frequently help families create a caregiving plan and a back-up plan to avoid unexpected situations.



* Listen to The Caring Generation Podcast on Apple, Spotify, Pandora or Pamela’s Website, where you can access the transcript and links to documents mentioned during the show.

TCG on Apple Podcasts

TCG on Spotify:

TCG on Pandora

The Caring Generation on Pamela’s Website

* Are you caring for aging parents or yourself?

* Are you trying to figure out the responsibilities of being an agent under legal power of attorney?
Do you realize it’s time to complete your documents, and you are unsure who to appoint as a power of attorney agent?

* Are you wondering if you should be a guardian for a loved one?

Follow Pamela on Social Media:

[ProdigiousOne]

WOW... I wish that I had seen your video sooner. I took care of my mother for eight years. From the age of 27 to the age of 35. I never expected to take care of my mom. It was SO HARD to adapt myself to acting like the parent and that my mom became like the child. Thanks for your video. My mom died last August 2021. Now I'm learning how to continue living without my mom. :(

[cherylcampbell]

I have long term insurance that I have been paying on for 20 years. I don’t want to burden anyone meaning my daughter. I’m 74 and still work as a caregiver for a company. Love it

[conniemurphyoverstillgla]

in home hospice care for parent 99% your work. I kept my mom for 16 yrs. and she passed in my home peaceful with no pain. THANK GOD!

[MrVjtre]

Thank you for this video. I have a manager / caregiver coming to my house today in fact to do a home assessment. The agency came highly recommended by a friend so, I feel good about that. I've spoken to the person arriving today and she seems wonderful but, I'm still nervous. I want so bad for my Mom to accept it, and I realize it may take time but, this could go either way. I've been my Mom's caregiver since my Father passed in 2018 and, this has been life changing. My time is not my own, everything is basically on hold in my life. I know I need help and I've put this off for too long due to fear of my Mom not accepting it. Recently though she's been making comments about how lonely and bored she is. I know with the right person she will truly benefit from this. I pray an angel arrives to help. God bless all of the caregivers out there.

[steelethescene]

I am all alone in the care of my mom. My RETIRED, well-off sister has cut us off and no one else in the family even checks to see how things are going. I unfortunately still have to work and have had to hire an aide. I lose time (and money) from work to take her to doctors or if the aide can’t make it due to transportation issues.

[patriciablue]

Please don’t give up inspiring others! There are so few channels that address this huge part of life!

[belindarosenheim]

How many of us are brushing our cheeks while we watch this. Isn't she soothing?

[americanbluejacket]

Thank You, Pamela. I just became a caregiver for my wife a month and half ago. I'm researching caregiving. I never knew what it really was. I'm Subscribing and going to your website. THANK YOU. Your a breath of fresh air.

[bakekay]

I've experienced the opposite regarding healthcare. As a young adult, doctors dismissed my fibromyalgia symptoms & kept trying to make me take anti-depressants. Most of their patients were elderly. I finally went to a Functional Medicine doctor & healed.

[nealiecruz]

Whenever I try to talk with my mom about power of attorney, medical directives or finances she just yells, screams and freaks out on me
Nothing gets accomplished.
No plan is ever made..
She won’t allow a plan

[yvonned.]

Thank you so much for this information. I'm a new caregiver for my mom and it's super not easy. She has dementia.

[brendarose]

Thank you! Over a year living with my 91 year old mom. What can I say. I love my mom!

[lizmartin]

I am a caregiver for my husband. He had a severe stroke 5 years ago and I have been the sole caregiver. He was 64 so he is not at the end of his life. I feel that I have lost my life. Many caregivers are taking care of parents who do not live with them. How do I have a life of my own. Also since he was the main breadwinner, we have financial concerns.

[aguynameddoug]

You are awesome, thank you!!! It can be a heart wrenching struggle, but I refuse to give up. If, well actually, when I am overwhelmed, I remind myself how much it of a struggle it was for her to work two jobs at times, go without eating just for us kids to be able to eat ( I didn’t realize that at the time), be extremely exhausted, and etc. while raising my siblings and myself.
So I thank you, so much! God bless you in every single way and may He bless everyone that you help along the way. In Jesus name, AMEN!!!!

[patfranks]

If one family member is caregiver, talk with the rest! Do not assume that family will jump up to assist unless you negotiate that from the outset. If caregivers don’t talk, no one knows of any struggle. The telephone works both ways. Call. Ask for help. It generally becomes a 24 hour duty. That elderly person is their parent too

[kaylenedawnbuteaufitnessbu]

HI Pam; I had to fight a nursing home corporation in probate court for 2 months who illegally held my mother for the state health insurance. It was crazy, but I learned how many laws they broke afterward and I followed their rules only to find out they were making my life difficult so I would give up. I also had a POA for my mother, but in the long run, it doesn't save you any money because my sister still served me a summons questioning everything. It was a nightmare. I now feel like the POA and all the legal documents were a waste of money. If you have an unreasonable sibling, then just save your money for later, has been a lesson that I learned the hard way.
Do you know where the studies are on the efficacy of the 3-word recall test? There are 3 little articles I’ve found, but not any decent studies to justify giving that test to the elderly. I know it's a standard test and I’m betting someone came up with it decades ago, and it has just been passed on down without any clear research. I’m writing a graphic memoir of how I used my health and fitness knowledge to stop my mother with mild dementia from forgetting me, and it worked. She always knew me. I’ve been flummoxed by the lack of actual studies for the 3-word recall test and the cube drawing test. I want to put that in my book.

I had a lot of crazy things happen to me that was not my mother’s fault, but other people's incompetence and lack of training/caring. The police put her in handcuffs, an ER doc gave her an anti-psychotic because that is just what they do, and that caused more problems, and in the end hospice listed her death certificate wrong for a reason, I can only guess was for financial. The dept. of public health told me that nobody verifies and monitors death certificates either.

I realized when I read the Hero’s Journey by Chris Vogler, that I lived that journey taking care of my mother. Thanks for the video.

[doloresbutler]

Thank you Pamela for sharing all you information with us. I have been a caregiver to my husband for 12 years. He suffered 2 heart attacks at age 60 and was diagnosed with type2 bipolar disorder a year later. It has been a nightmare for me. I feel like my husband, as I knew him has died and I don't know this person.

[dstar]

Thank you so much Pamela for the info, I'm going through a difficult time with my aging veteran mom. She won't have a part time caregiver in the house and I work full-time. I have been super depressed and have gained alot of weight and stress over the years my mom has moved in with me.

[Anthony]

I've been a caregiver for my parents since 2018. My mom had two surgeries, hip and knee. Now she's considered stand-by assist. My Dad past away 3 months ago from an aortic aneurysm. Now it's just me and my mom. The problem is that I haven't had a real job since I started. The only thing I can do now is food delivery. It's really hard.

[zenworld]

I am a senior caregiver and would like advice on how to deal with senior people who have narcissistic traits. It’s a pattern I have seen since I began. I am student and I know I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life as it can be draining. I study psychology and noticed far too many seniors who can be narcissistic. I would appreciate your advice on that. Thank you