Dr. Frans - Never let a baby cry it out!

Dr. Frans - author of the bestseller The Wonder Weeks- explains why you should never let your baby cry it out.

The Wonder Weeks: also available on Kindle, NOOK Book and as eBook on iTunes:

[TimeMaster]

I agree completely! - For most of my life, I was wondering why I felt quite cold toward my mother, and preferred my dad, despite he being an alcoholic and quite nasty when drunk. It's not the nicest thing to admit, but somehow, I could not love my mother. Then when I had my own baby some 30 years later, and had a discussion about crying baby with my father, I learnt, that I was an extremelly colicky baby for 7 months, screaming ALOT. And guess who was the one who picked me up and tried to soothe me? It was my dad. When he was at home, he picked me up. My mother however thought crying would just strenghten my lungs, and picking up her screaming baby all the time would "spoil" her. She rather took sedatives and sleeping pills and knocked herself out, leaving me crying. She also tried get me accustomed to adult life patterns as early as possible and weaned me early. Of course I have no memory about this, but it seems the emotions survived and are lasting a lifetime. Don't leave your baby crying alone. She will remember in her subconscious.

[fennecfox]

I disagree with him too. Eventually you can tell the difference between hunger cries, tired cries, lonely cries, and wet diaper cries. From month 1-3 I went to my baby for every cry he did...both me and my boyfriend were exhausted and the baby was also upset most of the time. We started letting him cry for a few mins every night just to finally lay down for just a bit. Within a few days my son realized that mom and dad will always be there, even if we're not in the room. The moment he realized this he goes to sleep at the same time every night (8pm) then wakes up at midnight all happy for his night time feed (doesn't even cry) and he sleeps all through the night until 6am. Then during the day he's a well rested happy baby. Everyone always says he's the happiest baby they've seen. Also, my boyfriend and I are well rested and alert and really happy loving parents. I think if you go to the baby for it's every cry, it makes the baby really uncomfortable. He will need you to put the pacifier in his mouth 50 times per night, need you to hold him all night, ...and nobody gets any sleep (including the poor baby). The moment he learns that it's okay to fall asleep, he will, and get a good nights rest. You just have to be smart about it, obviously if he's screaming you should go in there as something might be wrong, but if he's just doing little cries, it's okay to see if he's going to fall asleep on his own. Also...the whole trust debate....letting him self soothe for 10 mins is nothing compared to having overtired parents (don't want to get in a car crash from not getting sleep). My son trusts me just fine. He smiles whenever I look at him, he laughs, and he stops crying whenever I simply touch him or pick him up, totally stops crying even if I smile at him (where-as before nothing would make him stop). If anything he trusts me more now then ever because he knows routine, he knows things will be okay.

[kayladinera]

"You can't spoil a baby in its first year of life."

[RBaghirov]

@ Tay Battman That trait you seem so opposed to where a baby cries, and you respond ever time, builds something called trust. If you stop responding, your child doesn't learn to trust you. It will create problems later down the road, even if your baby stops crying for you in the short term. Not to mention, if your baby legitimately has an issue that you should be responding to, getting in the habit of not responding could be dangerous for a child. Also, not sure why you think it's healthy or smart for a child under the age of 1 to be independent. Dependence is important for the first year of life, and advocating that independent infants are a good thing is the mantra of an antiquated style of parenting that was taught when women also smoked and drank while pregnant. Stop passing on bad advice from previous generations. YOU clearly are not a doctor, nor an expert in children as this man is, so why do you think you are able to give better advice? It's people like you that also sadly tell new moms that babies are trying to be "manipulative" when they don't have the mental capacity to display such complex thinking skills. Crying = a need. Food, thirst, hot, cold, illness, discomfort, frightened, hurt, tired, dirty diaper, lonely. Those are legitimate needs for a baby the same as they are for grown adults. You wouldn't want to be ignored if you had one of these needs, so why would you ignore an infant for these?

[KB-puff]

Babies in orphanages don't cry because they learn from experience that their cries will go unanswered. How a parent can teach their own infants that their cries mean nothing is, in my personal opinion, boderline abuse/neglect. Crying is their own way of expressing needs and is crucial to human survival.

[brigittahoffmann]

I am totally agreeing today. After understanding how huge the difference in quality life and learning is between home schooled children (in the right environment, with love and care of course) and public schooling, I have totally started to see that children need love and not a cold and rigid environment. 😔 Children raised in rigidity will just totally lack for a lifetime the love that they would be supposed to receive, ☺️💕

[yippeze]

My mother was a devotee of Dr. Spock. My father said he always felt so sorry for me as a baby, when I would cry and cray and not be comforted. Though she breastfed, my mother and I had a very poor relationship throughout life, with her taking out her anger on me, her oldest, even name-calling me a 'b' or a 'wh' even though at 8 years and less, I had no idea what these words meant. When I went to my father to ask, he had a serious look on his face and said that it meant a 'Bad woman'. At age 8 and below, I couldn't understand what I had to do with that 'bad woman, ; or why I was bad like her--but I knew that my mother was very angry as she called me those words, and at times a GD, Son of a B'ing Shit!bird! There were statements with her eyes full of hate where she said she wished she'd never had me, (as a result, before and after my divorce, I always told my son he was 'a Keeper'! (A fish you don't throw back!) She was quite physically abusive to me at times during my life, and even enjoyed mocking and, of course, shaming. I really wonder if Dr. Spock's early admonitions not to go to your crying baby, also had a deleterious effect on her personality/character.

[kaycheung]

And how can I gather my strength when I need to work in the morning

[Ldmay]

There are times when it's OK to let your baby cry. Like when your using the restroom or doing a quick chore, but not when the baby is crying for other reasons. Nurturing is never a bad thing

[posttenebraslux]

What a cold, cruel culture..
Childhood passes so quick and your children grow up so quick, take advantage of every minute to hold and pour love from your heart.
My daughter was a happy baby, I held my daughter a lot when she was a babe, I would never ignore my baby's sweet little cry for me to feel warmth and safety in my loving arms.
People waste so much time on their phones, people walk useless animals (dogs), so is it too much to hold your flesh and blood and show your love and dedication?
So abusive and greedy to leave a baby crying, neglected, his/her emotional needs ignored.
If you don't have love, respect, and patience for children, then you don't deserve to have children.

[emcominotti]

yeah, a study just came out that says neither soothing a baby back to sleep nor letting them cry it out produces more cortisol than usual in babies. so either method is fine. people need to stop acting like they are superior/their way is the only way..

[czyfaith]

I agree for the most art. But I will add, check to see the need that the child is try to communicate and then decide your reaction, if any, to it. Crying, with r with tears is a form f communicating for very young babies until they learn other forms

[professionalproverbs]

No help whatsoever. Of course we’ve cried to comfort our kids. They cry harder anyway and still don’t sleep. Of course we’re looking to see if anything is wrong. Nothing is wrong. They still cry. So what actually is the solution you propose besides the obvious?

[TheRubyLawless]

Your clearly missing a key thing when caring for a baby Tay battman. Witch is love and affection (as well as skin to skin contact) are NEEDS to all infants and should not just be viewed otherwise. YOU CAN NEVER SPOIL A BABY.

[Aylif-fezm]

I see a lot of parents trying to excuse themselves in here, the short answer is, if you don't agree with not letting your baby cry it out, then most certainly you are not a good parent and have to deal with that fact in order to improve.

[desertshadow]

What about at nap time for a 6 month old who is sleepy?

[plinyelder]

We let our first baby cry it out. The best thing we ever did. The baby learned after two days that it doesn’t work anymore.we finally were able to get a good night’s rest.

[voiceofreason]

I disagree
My son who has just become 1 years old has been ferberised using the ferber metod from approximately 4 months of age, that isn't to say I haven't ever gone to him and cuddled at times when he was ill was teething but to eliminate the attention seeking crying that a baby exhibits when all what they really need is sleep as sleep is vitally important and i have been able to virtually eliminate attention seeking "I'm overtired and cranky" crying simply by ignoring it and listening to his pitch and length of crying

This worked for me but every child is different :)

I follow wonder weeks in other aspects though :)

[peachiepeach]

Nope depends on the baby. My son won’t even let me use the bathroom, make a bottle or change his pampers and he screams at the top of his lungs. He does it even when I’m driving, so he’s just gonna have to cry period!!

[kungfuwookie]

What evidence are your claims based on?