5 Unrealistic Expectations In Dating That Keep People Single

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[lawrence]

1) Expecting perfection in a significant other
2) Expecting instant chemistry or connection with someone
3) Expecting someone to fill all emotional needs
4) Expecting someone to change for you
5) Expecting someone to be a mindreader or a lack of effective communication

Here's one that I will add to the list:
6) Expecting the other person to handle all responsibilities (Paying for everything is a classic example)

[commonsenseisntcommon]

Social Media is the worst thing to happen to dating ever! There's always a bigger, better, hotter, nicer, richer guy online if you arent doing everything she thinks she deserves!

[AlexMinor]

My ex wife was constantly telling me “you should just know” when it came to me not fulfilling expectations she hadn’t voiced or expecting me to think and act like her.

I told her explicitly when we first got together “I suck at reading between the lines, interpreting hints, or recognizing subtle cues. If you want me to know something, you have to tell me.”

She completely ignored that.

I apparently sucked at seeing red flags.

[WanderleiFan]

Had a girl reject me after 1 date saying she "Didn't feel a connection" 2 years later she got pregnant by some random guy, lost her job, had to sell her house and move back to the Midwest. I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

[larsf.]

My worst expectation was "The Type", meaning that I had an preconceived image of what a woman who was into me would be like. Turned out that "the type" did not only exist, but that I was overlooking women who were otherwise interested in me. (The inverse was also true, I've had a relationship with a woman who plainly stated on the first date that I was not her type.) In either case, the idea of the type caused me to stay single for an estimated 1-2 years.

[kzn]

We were also sold lies that every relationship is a hard work. I lost so much of my valuable time trying to work on the relationships that weren't meant to work. I think that there should be a balance.

[pilotofacanofbeans]

It's also important to understand the differences between having a connection versus having an attachment. There are an awful lot of people who fail to connect with others because of their attachment to an ideal.

[JaySmith-pvmw]

The last first date I had was one of the best ones. It lasted 90 minutes, the time flew by, we had a lot in common and the exchange was equal. I felt as good about her as I could after a first date. The next morning she texted that "she didn't feel any sparks." I give up.

[Florida_gyrl]

I’m a woman but I have to agree with you Courtney that nobody changes for someone else. They makes changes for themselves. So many people get into relationships trying to change others and it never works. If you cannot accept that person as they currently are then it is probably better to walk away. I have been told countless times a man will change for me. That couldn’t be further from the truth. People change when they want to and for themselves. It has nothing to do with someone else.

[thepassman]

Good points Courtney. I would add one more unrealistic expectation that I and many other men have heard from past girlfriends is the statement "I'm not happy". This has perplexed so many men when they first hear this that it usually blindsides them and this usually signals the end of the relationship. If people are truly happy together it isn't the responsibility of either partner to keep the other happy all the time. Real life isn't a continuously happy flow of events day in and day out. I borrowed this statement from a former manager who when dealing with staff who complained excessively that goes like this "I don't want you to be here if you are not happy". 😂Works like a charm.🔱

[danielm]

I once believed a partner should meet all of my emotional needs. I was very codependent and very much a simp. I got humbled. I then realized true character does not compose of unrealistic expectations but of self-control, patience, and authentic kindness. Communication is key as well. My worth does not depend on a partner or their response to me. Thank you for your wisdom Courtney!

[squarewheel]

If your girlfriends mother tells you that your girlfriend is evil, pay close attention to that no matter how well your girlfriend has been treating you, I found out about this the HARD way.

[ajtaylor]

You know how many potential great relationships people miss out on, especially women, because the "spark" wasn't there? Most of the time the so-called "spark" is just another way to say "he/she got me horny" and that's all. The best relationships I've been in were from women who I initially had no immediate chemistry with but the more I learned about them the more compatible I found myself with them.

[ofSeptember]

I chatted online on a dating app with this woman for about a month. She wanted to do a video chat for our "first date" . I think we chatted for about an hour or so. She wasn't extremely beautiful, but I thought we could potentially get along. She was looking for a "dog person" and I love dogs. She was 39, I'm 42 at the time. So after our video chat, she texts me and says we "didn't click". I wasn't super disappointed, but I realized her expectations were clearly unrealistic. I still see her profile on the dating apps. She is now 40 and still single. She never even gave me a chance. I'm not a bad looking guy either. I found it really strange.

[aussiebatler]

Instant Chemisty, god so true

I remember going on tons of dates like 10-15 years back and I often got that "oh i just didnt feel the chemistry" but on my side of things I was on a first date with someone I'd just met, I was a bit shy, often very attracted to them, just a normal guy and I think they were pretty much the same also, so it became quite frustrating when you'd get this chemistry stuff all the time, however I also wasn't flirty enough, would often treat them like a friend and avoid too much pressure but obviously compliamentary but it turns out I should have been putting on a bit of sexual pressure, not being afraid to hold their hand or give them a kiss or tell them straight out how beautiful their smile was,

[chrialivest]

I’ve been guilty of the points that were brought up. However, once I was made aware of my craziness, accepted my faults and worked on improving my thoughts and behaviors, things started getting better. It didn’t happen over night - it took a couple years for my changes to become foundational - but I’m glad I took the time to work on myself and make the necessary changes.

[KyleConnell-ifzn]

Great video! The most common I have encountered is expecting an instant connection. Every guy has heard multiple times in his life from a woman that he is so nice, funny, handsome, caring, and such a good listener but there was no connection after their first interactions. That connection can take time but most people believe that if a relationship ever feels like work it is not the right person.

[nighthawk]

Lol at the "spark stuff". My last girlfriend was a huge mistake. Day after first date she said we were in a relationship...and started texting me quizes about finances and moving in together and having a family. My walls went up so f'ing fast. I dated her longer than i should...thinking she might slow down. She didn't. I tried to explain we need time to get to know each other. She didnt get that. She said i was afraid of commitment and i needed help. I said I have no issues with commitment...but I have an issue with someone who wants to immediately jump into a relationship. I said we needed to get to know each other. We broke up and Im totally grateful for that.

[dmatech]

People really do let potential perfection prevent them from matching with someone who is more than adequate. Like shopping for any product, you can spend an eternity looking for the best possible deal, but we don't have an eternity. Moreover, the illusion of infinite choices (as often happens with dating apps) keeps us searching forever.

[RewindAI]

I am willing to date a 5 or a 4. Absolutely no problem. But one basic thing all the woman should have is to be FAITHFUL! This is something I will not compromise.