Q: Will Your Alienated Child Come Back into Your Loving Family?

A heartbreaking question from alienated parents is always, will my alienated child come back to me? I share my thoughts and perspective for parents in this video.

Hi, my name is Ryan Thomas and I’m a child of parental alienation. I began speaking out after I reconnected with my Dad after decades of rejection, in hopes it could help other families.

My goal is to use my real-life experiences to help parents understand how their children think after parental alienation, and what they can say and do to rebuild the relationship - even in the most extreme cases.

I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to work with rejected and alienated parents in over 25 countries, helping to create breakthroughs and reunifications. It’s an amazing experience to play a role in the rebuilding of a loving parent-child relationship that has been needlessly torn apart.

I hope this video provides new insights, new perspectives, and hope that reconnecting is possible, no matter how difficult the situation or how long it’s been.

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#parentalalienation #narcissist #custody

[jenniferdougherty]

*tears* thank you Ryan Thomas, your true spoken words are inspiring. I am beyond grateful that I stumbled across your video. I miss my two boys everyday for the past 3 years and I live with so much pain, anger, shame, resentment and fear. I miss them more than anything. Thank you for sharing your story, you are an absolute angel.

[HealingthruAIArt]

I am so happy I found this video. My story is a little different since I became estranged from my daughter when she was older (17) and it was by my own family after I came forward about sexual abuse from when I was a child. It has now been over 5 years since she has spoken to me and it still kills me every day. Thank you for this little bit of hope.🌻

[colleenclark]

Thank you, Ryan! Your words are reassuring. One thing I'm stuck on is the reaching out to the kids when the alienating parent manipulates the messages. Texting doesn't work. It doesn't feel safe to even call the kids. These master manipulators and controllers can manipulate our words even from a great distance away. The only way it seems is when the kid decides to call the alienated parent. But they're so brainwashed that they won't. You give hope. Thank you.

[InfanciaCompartida]

We are an ONG from Argentina that work against alienation and to promote a shared childhood. Your video is just great to help parents and make all this visible. The needed video for this era.

At 47, I believe my son can never overcome the brainwashing of 42 year estrangement. There should be an intervening person or group because the self awareness to make this (empathy) happen diminishes with time.

[arthemisechevarie]

Hi Ryan Thomas, ever since i’ve found u on u-tube i’ve learned so much .I’m a mother of a so who alienated his mom.I miss him so much, no one knows.Thank u for being live to talk to the parent of alienated child.Luv the truth!💖

[monsierlemaire]

Adding my "thank you"s and blessings to everyone else commenting here. This gives me hope to get my kids back.

[beckyjohnson]

My scrolling stopped upon your inspiring testimony. When the parent is longing for their child whom refuses contact- all that could go through that parent’s mind is “they hate me, it will never be, or I never was a good parent.”
This brings great comfort to a 7 year - heartbroken- estranged mother.
I hope that life has continued to bless your relationships immensely throughout the years since this was made. Thank you.

[mediahound]

Thanks again, Ryan. I've been one of those parents who laid back, not wanting to make things more difficult for my daughter. I sent her a brief "Thinking of you on your birthday" in 2009, a one page letter in 2010 telling her that I understood and would be here when she was ready, a "Thinking of you over the holidays" in 2010, a Grad wish in 2014 and a letter in Jan 2015 explaining some things, as well as why I waited until she was 18. I have never even mentioned her mother ... just that I love her, miss her and look forward to reuniting one day. I've seen her three times in six years ... twice while I was working and once in passing at the park. My family tried to retain contact but eventually gave up a couple of years ago. Too frustrating not getting a response and not knowing if her mom was intercepting. She'll be heading to university in the fall ... about 600 kms away from home. Her Grandpa (who doesn't do internet) is thinking of writing her while she's away at school. No pressure. Just a first opportunity to contact her without her mom getting in the way. She's always stated that she wants a relationship with her grandparents when asked by the court but her mom hasn't allowed it to happen. Would writing her cause more problems? And how much worse could it get?

[chrissimmons]

I'm a father who has not been allowed to see his kids and over 10 years due to My ex wife alienating the kids so I appreciate your videos and it's very uplifting and I've never given up I never will

[jeffray]

Ryan, I want to say that I have watched all of your videos regarding your experience with PA, thank you for sharing your valuable insight. I have been able to find hope for my daughter and myself . She is now 28 and I lost her at age 14. I never saw it coming, knew nothing of PA. This case extends to my entire family and close network of family friends.
Shame, humiliation, heartbreak are feelings I can’t escape as I approach my 55th birthday. I am so scared my daughter will never know the love we have for her. We keep up with her life through photos from social media and friends that share what they know. We have absolutely no contact, have not been able to call, visit or email for 14 years. I have written hundreds of letters and send cards for all special dates and occasions.
My hope is someday I can set down with her to move forward but at this point, we are just waiting for a gleam of hope. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[sarahwatkin]

Bless your heart for taking the time- it means more than you would probably ever know.

[thegenerouschild]

i was 47 years old when i finilly realysed that i was lied to about my dad so it, s so different for everyone.

[DosBear]

Leave the lines of communication open and be as supportive as possible and they will come back. You must give them the time to see that they have been manipulated. And if you did do wrong, apologize, and treat them with respect moving forward. Some will come back and others won't. I was alienated from all 4 of mine and all have come back over those 13 years. Truth exposes the lies eventually so stick to that. Most importantly, take responsibility for your part in the damage that has been done because none of us are perfect or innocent when it comes to the problems we had in whatever that failed family dynamic was. Lastly, let go of the resentment you have for your ex or at least stop bringing it up when speaking to them. They love that person in spite of your feelings regardless and should not be constantly put in the middle of it all. Patience is a virtue. Good luck.

[christlray]

Minute mark 4:58 - 5:05. I think (as the alienated parent), I finally reached the epiphany of not taking anything from my daughter personally, realizing that she is doing what she needs to do “to survive” to have the love of her father amidst his harem of followers (the “regime” you called it- that’s great, by the way), accepting that my ex (who I thought I knew) will never be able to behave as a mature compassionate adult, letting go of the daughter I used to know, and also having realistic expectations about the relationship I currently have (and might always have) with my daughter. All of that has helped me to care about just about her, as far as she will allow me to.

[MichaelSkinnerMusic]

Thank you Ryan. This has impacted too many of us....wounds that may not heal.

[Dreamweaver]

Bless you and your dad, I feel your sincerity and love for what you are doing. May a thousand or more angels make all of your crooked places ever straight along your way....

[alexissimmons-guess]

Thank you! I feel the same has happened to my 19 year step daughter that has always lived with her bio mom. It is a grieving process for my husband and I. I have been in her life since she was 5 months old and married to her dad for 11 years - it hurts me so I can't imagine truly how her dad feels. Communication started dying over a year ago but just finally informed her dad of her decision to "love him from a distance" because he has wronged her mom just about 5 months. So sad...and my heart breaks for what my step daughter may have experienced and going thru.

[nicoleRue]

Thank you ! I am so glad that I found this video ! I have been severely alienated from my 3 daughter’s for nearly 6 years now! I have been taking my ex-husband back to Court for years now and I always win my case “IN COURT!” But unfortunately, Still nothing ever changes in my /0ur situation! It is absolutely heart breaking and gut wrenching! I have been grieving the loss of my very much alive living children for years now! My oldest Daughter is now 19 yo and is currently serving in The United States AirForce and she also recently got married! She aged out of the legal system before I ever got to see her, and everysince she turned 18 (last May 15th!)I’ve no longer been in a parenting plan with her and even though She’s out from underneath her father’s thumb and out of his house she still lost in your own STUBBORNNESS! And has decided that she still wants nothing to do with me right now! I’m heartbroken! 💔
I have tried Reunification Therapy with my middle and youngest daughter’s who are currently 16 turning 17 this year and Junior in High School and 11 turning 12 yo reps Year in the 6th grade! Unfortunately our Reunification Therapy got shut down by our Reunification Therapist because of all of the covert and in covert behaviors from my daughter’s Dad and Step Mother ! All of they adults in their family that had such STRONG RESISTANCE that couldn’t be naturalized! Also it was our LPC-Licensed Professional Counselor’s Professional Opinion that the whole Reunification Process had been totally undermined ! That my relationshionship with my youngest daughter was sabbatoged Completley!
That at that point it was only causing both my daughter and myself more HARM! So she had to call off our Reunification and end our Reunification Therapy all together! Shut everything all down all together !!!!
I am so frustrated, sad, discouraged, depressed, desperate,
Hopeless, and just truly heart broken ! 💔😭

[myriamtuttle]

Thanks for the truth, my girls were 9y.o. and 6y.o. when he assaulted me in front of them, 2 weeks later threatened to kill me and run to file a TRO only to secure total power and control over them, and a tactical advantage ref custody. Both girls ended up harmed and disabled. My eldest is 18y.o. and so smart that overcoming his sabotages, she made it to college. It has been a year since she left. It is as you say "anything can happen" your child has yo get that exposure, build perspective out of your exs lies, and you yourself need to work on your healing of trauma, depression, anger and FORGIVENESS. Even then your kid is an independent being, his/her free will has to be respected. Don't take it personally, and DO NOT GIVE UP on your child! Keep a journal, deposit there the things you would have wanted to share, PRAY cover him/her with blessings and protection every day through that. Seek support: Your own counselor will giide yoir healing process. Other groups like co dependents anonymous or groups at church / in your community.

Your life has value and a purpose outside your deep love for your child. Love is to allow them the freedom to chose to be your kid after your ex's hook on them is gone, and keep loving, forgiving (which is actually unhooking your own self of the past). "God works it all for the good of those who love and fear Him" right now i am still like Stefanny Hamilton after the shark bit off her arm "HOW???" but God is real and faithful to His name, so IT WILL BE for my children's and my own good but I have to let go of the control on when and how our relationship will be repaired and thrive despite all he did to us