THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES #58 – Trail Rations

MAG058 – Case #8450512 – Mrs. Carlisle
Statement regarding potential cannibalism while attempting to travel the Oregon Trail.

The Magnus Archives tells the tale of a pioneer couple who encountered a number of trials of body and faith while trying to brave the Oregon Trail during the winter of 1845.

Starring: The Archivist – Jonathan Sims; Tim Stoker – Mike LeBeau; Martin Blackwood – Alexander J Newall
Writer: Jonathan Sims
Director: Alexander J Newall
Editors: Alexander J Newall, Mike LeBeau, Ian Hayles

MERCH:

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[scubsnakcs]

"We were caught between the devil and the sea, and Benjamin has determined that we were going to try and swim. The poor fool had no idea the devil was the one leading us into the water."
POETIC GENIUS

[Strobeliite]

"I wept for my beautiful, stupid, Benjamin."
Wow I'm sad.

[satanluciferington]

Jon is playing a constant game show called “Are my friends trying to kill me or do I just need to go to sleep?”

[pianos]

Jon's coworkers: *are worried about him*
Jon: SUSPICIOUS

[f_mva]

damn this lady did not deserve this bs, she was a badass

[mediabuzzkill]

i like how the cannibal guy was waiting for them to mention that they forgot food and got so happy when they did, i imagine his internal dialogue was just hyping himself up like "ok i just gotta wait until they mention the food and then i'll say it, i'll say we have all the food we needed and it'll be so creepy and menacing and badass it'll be great they'll be so scare- YES HE SAID IT" and pat himself on the back after he said it

[chrisradek]

Is everybody going to ignore the fact that Mrs. Carlisle shares the same surname as our mysterious Toby Carlisle, also known as "The Man Upstairs"? The same guy who covered his entire apartment in meat?

[CharlieViola]

Normally I'm very pro survival cannabalism but the moment that corpse started taking I'm like 'nah this is some demonic shit, I'd rather starve'

[scubsnakcs]

tim: *is concerned because jon is literally stalking his coworkers*
jon: hmmm kinda sus

[arthurhill]

sometimes, a himbo leads you to your doom, and that's valid.

[oftheangels]

The fact that Eustace Wick had a full set of teeth and *that* made him suspicious is such a “count a mans fingers lest ye be dealing with the fae” kind of thought

[raebaer]

god imagine dying in Idaho, that’s the true tragedy of the magnus archives

[hermazingbartels]

I’ve not been in a fandom this intense since gravity falls

[sillystickfigure]

Maybe the preacher that "violently fell out with his colleagues over the sacrament of the Eucharist" decided that bread and wine weren't good enough for the ritual, and decided to acquire real flesh and blood instead?

[kninenights]

I am truly impressed with how much this woman wrote considering the circumstances she claimed. Not discrediting it, I’m just saying that I would’ve written like 1 page and been done.

[sheolcodemonkey]

Me: "I think I've built up a tolerance to The Magnus Archives. It's kind of disappointing, but it just doesn't unsettle me as much anymore"

This episode: "Heard you was talkin' shit"

[justcasually]

No one:
Me: *oH My goD thE oReGoN tRaiL*

[julisantillan]

Paranoic Jon is so funny, like, he overhears his co-workers saying that they worry he is stalking them, and gets it on tape, and then goes on saying they are suspicious and could have done something bad in this nervous and rushed voice, like a rat man. If he knew how he sounded like he would be horrified.
Do the world a favour and get a good night sleep man.

[gingergamer]

If she didn't freeze to death, Mrs. Carlisle would have had a while before she starved. She was only holed up five days, and it usually takes a few weeks to die of starvation. The amount of time it takes is dependent on fat reserves in the body, and women have more than men. I like to think she could hold out long enough to find a town :)

[fauxclaws]

Poor tim can't help but feel extra bad for him after hearing him talk with martin. when martin says " how he's been since prentis" and tims like "oh how **he's** been" i'm reminded that he also went through dozens/hundreds of worms burrowing into him at the end of the prentis attack. But no ones (seemingly) paying attention to him because their focused on jons paranoia.
This is also the first time we've heard him sound angry, he's normally so cheerfull and friendly. also also while jon watching tims house is a funny mental image that must have been really unnerving for tim. he really needs a hug to. they all do tbh