Single Catholics, Dating Advice

Some quotes from the video:

"Marriage and the demands of love are filled with adversity and if you can’t face the adversities that come from dating, you won’t be able to level up to what’s waiting in marriage without disastrous effects."

"In listening to and reading the experiences that were shared with me, there was an explicit theme that emerged in those threads – which was: 'Here’s what’s wrong with everyone I’ve dated and those I’ve refused to date.'
What I didn’t see a lot of was, 'I’ve been struggling with dating and here’s all the problems that I think are related to me that I need help fixing in myself.' "

"Make yourself so marriable in God’s eyes that he can’t wait to set you up with someone."

"Marriage isn’t a reward – it’s a cross of self denial. It’s the bootcamp that God has designed to turn people who are naturally self-centered and egotistical into people who would lay their lives down for others – and the prerequisite for admission to that bootcamp is the right attitude."

"in asking God for a spouse, you’re asking for him to entrust the soul of your spouse and your eventual children to your care and good example. And you need to be prepared for that burden. The world around you hates what you believe. At every turn there’s a trap laid for you and your children and if you’re already falling into those traps, what makes you think God can trust you to lead others away from them? You have to be innocent as doves and as wise as serpents."

"Don’t add all the pressure of marriage vows to a first date because a courtship is not a marriage and it will struggle under that kind of pressure. Don’t place demands for serious commitments on someone who’s just getting to know you."

[sono_ardian]

As a 22 years old man living in Italy, I totally agree that we feel "abandoned": I feel almost completely alone in my faith, I know no other young faithful catholics besides my best friend (god bless him). I want to marry one day, but I really struggle in finding catholic girls, and even so, it doesn't mean that if she's catholic than we'll marry. Sometimes this "loneliness" can be stressfull, and I try to talk to God about it, but it is still there... Didn't want to make it too sad HAHA, but that's the reality that I see and live

[mhodkinson]

Finally at age of 40, I will be getting married in couple of weeks. I’ve been single for such a long time. I prayed the 54-Day Rosary Novena then I signed up at Catholic Match and that’s how I met my fiancé.

[Fiona]

When I got tired of dating losers (cheaters) I was in church one Sunday and told Him I was clearly unable to find a “good one” on my own and that whenever He thought I was ready He should put him in front of me so that I would recognize him.

About a month later I met him and indeed it was pretty obvious that we could be a couple. That was March 26 1986 and we became inseparable from the get go. Two years later we married, did wait for our wedding night, and we are still together. “Perfect” couple perhaps not but since day one we have worked on our relationship.

Blessings!

PS I told him I was waiting for my wedding night, period, and he respected that line. We have 3 children, pray they return to the church 🙏🏽

[danrocky]

This is an incredibly important point. Meeting up for young Catholics needs to be a priority. The culture is more than ready to consume young lonely Catholics

[jennifernorton]

There are a lot of older singles who are over college age, but they get ignored. Sadly, if you're a single woman without children, it's easy to feel invisible in the RC church. I can't tell you how many times I have volunteered at church, only to be rejected. They started a dating class for the college girls (I guess a dating support group?) but they've made it clear that I'm not to attend because I'm too old. I could have been a co-leader or something, but they chose a married woman to be the leader that hasn't been on a date in 45 years. LOL. Nobody at my parish wants to be social with me and they seem pretty uncomfortable with my single state.

[jeromejerome]

For men, I think the intercession of St. Joseph is especially important. Start not by praying: "O Lord, give me a good spouse." But rather: "O Lord, make me a better man, like Joseph, so that I can be a good husband and father."

[gameologian]

The best advice I ever learned was to become the person that your dream spouse wants to marry

[MoralGovernment]

They used to have dances for single people. Like in West Side Story, the Irish boy and the Puerto Rican girl met at the Catholic dance.

[kayleebaginski]

I noticed the same things missing for the young adult demographic at my parish. For years I got upset why the church wasn’t doing anything for us and that there was no encouragement to date or even an opportunity. All my Protestant friends at their churches put massive emphasis on dating and so many of them are getting married left and right. I only know maybe a few who are getting married in the Church. I felt left out, discouraged, and confused.

So, I decided to take matters in my own hands and start a young adult community there. We’ve had many young adults gather together for social events, the sacraments, and fellowship. Many couples have met at these gatherings and are currently discerning marriage. There’s still a lot of work to go in the young adult ministry (since I feel most who attend are looking for something for themselves and not necessarily seeking to give), but I’ll give it some time.

I’m 28 and unmarried and have absolutely no clue if I’ll be married or not. There’s a ton of grief there, especially since I’ve never dated anybody ever. I feel terrified that despite my daily valiant efforts at becoming a godly and noble woman and healing/repairing genuine issues that could effect the marriage, my hope to give of myself to another man in the marriage sacrament may be unrealized. Another terrifying thought is that I’d have to completely change who I am, how I look, and be totally fake just for the sake of me getting married. Of course, that’s extreme, but I hope I can continue putting in the work necessary for the sacrament and to live it out in a holy way until I die.

[Jennifer-grhn]

Thank you. I've been saying this for years. Single in may 40s. Engaged twice. One died and one went to the seminary and is now a priest. I'm a nurse, pro life worker, and despise selfishness. I am seeing a lot of single selfishness and it's scary! Narcissism 101. Yes, confession, AND working on healing inner wounds. Conflict delayed, is conflict multiplied.

[LLopez]

My experience was: The moment you completely surrender your desire of a spouse to God and trust in his love then you’ll be ready to receive his gift. ( unconditionally, no matter the time or how ) … open your heart to the unexpected. Don’t be afraid of asking God for your spouse but at the end know it’s our Lord’s choice “ patience and surrender”

[RedactedBrainwaves]

Problem is finding people when your community has some distance. Nowadays everyone seems a bit cold and as a new convert I often find myself disoriented and a bit lonely. I am generally working well with the elderly, which is kind of mandatory because in my parish everyone is either too young (kids and teens), old, or already married from another community. So right now I'm just focusing on really getting a good grasp of the faith, listening to the experience of the elderly and trying to work my way to sainthood, marriage or no marriage. I'm kind of open to all possibilities right now, even priesthood.

[celestialblissfulness]

I’m 26 with a 3 year old kiddo and next weekend is my 5th year wedding anniversary. God has given me a wonderful husband. I pray you all find your other half and that you both grow closer to God with each others help. 🙏🏼

[cbentler]

I think we need a part 2! 👏

Honestly, hearing the same people talk about these topics over and over can make them lose their impact over time. And your take on this was so new and fresh, I loved it!

[LaserFace]

One piece of advice is to definitely not wait for Mr/Ms Right, because nobody is going to be perfect, yet I see a lot of people in the Church, young and old, who act like every marriage should start out like a fairy tale. Don't be jumping into marriage without its due consideration, but I met my wife at a time where I wouldn't have considered myself marriage material, and she's changed over the years as well. If you've found someone you get along with really well, have similar goals and values, and whom being with causes the two of you to improve, then you've got a good candidate for marriage.
As for actually meeting that person, I've got no idea lol. I got lucky and met my wife by happenstance, and then just pursued her without hesitation. There's no real way to make it happen other than to say "yes" to whatever opportunities may present themselves, even if the past 100 times you said "yes" lead nowhere.

[benbing]

As a single Catholic man in college, this is a great and needed video, and I completely agree that (at least in my experience) young Catholics are in desperate of this sort of help. God Bless.

[haronsmith]

When I became Catholic in my mid 20s, dating got 10x as hard. Young adult ministry can be at times a meat market, and people feel a way to act a way that makes them kinda "plastic personality".

[markbollinger]

That being weird part is key for young men. So many-in particular trads- are just weird and don't really know how to speak to women even as friends, and certainly in a romantic sense. Would you be open to doing a series (maybe with a Catholic woman) on how to speak and approach women?

[RhinoaLunar]

I just turned 44 and I’m converting to Catholicism. I begin my classes in September. I’m single and want a family more than anything. Thank you for this video.

[OrthoLou]

Honestly, I just feel as a Catholic millennial man, it's just so difficult.

For one, finding someone of my age group who is even a practicing Catholic, in my area, is difficult in and of itself (seriously, I can't even find any truely practicing Catholic friends in my city, let alone a spouse).
But also...I have to worry about being a good provider, as even if I do get lucky and meet a traditional catholic woman, most would want a husband who would be a good provider for them.