5 Steps to Recovery from Codependency

[martinasimanjuntak]

"The shame of codependent tells them they are unloveable, but once codependents in a recovery they discover that they are worthy of being loved"
very powerful. Thanks, Carl!

[bimy]

I started to listen to my body, especially when I am being rejected, when I feel lonely, or my fear of being imperfect ( especially with my body). I take deep breath and calm my body and say to myself " it is okay, I am safe, I love myself and I am enough." It is truly helping me so far. Before, when I got these crisis, I would call my ex or a friend to avoid my feelings, particularly the feeling of emptiness. I am trying to be aware of what is going on, and take a moment to process what ever my feelings are. I have more work to do about pleasing people especially men, I don't give all my things to friends and family so that they can love me or say hoo look how nice she is. I am more peaceful now, also I started to notice that I am not attracted to the same men.

[mm]

I stood up to my three adult siblings for the first time this year after six years of taking care of our Alzheimer mother by myself. Mom is now in an institution. The minute Mom was checked in, the three of them began the asset grab of trying to secure her home located in a desirable location for their kids. None of which ever visited mom the whole time I cared for her. Anyway, long story short, I was ganged up on and told that I was not helping the family. After six years of free Alzheimer care for our mom, I am not helping the family!!! Wow! These people are a bottomless pit of take. Even though I am sad and lonely and feel like I no longer have my family of origin, I feel I am taking care of myself finally by getting away from my three sisters.

[Serenityonlinetherapy]

Codependents do often train people to think they have no needs. So, when they begin to make healthy changes in recovery, they are changing the rules of the "family system." It is important that you let others who you can about know that you will be making changes, such as speaking up for yourself more about what you want and don't want so they don't misinterpret what you are doing ("you don't love me any more"). Now, healthy people will respect your new assertiveness, but unhealthy people who have been using or abusing you might not. It takes two people to make a healthy relationship. If you are trying to be healthy and build a healthy relationship and your partner does not want you to be healthy (so they can use or abuse you), then you will have consider other options, such as ending the relationship or insisting the other person join you in learning how to be healthy in a relationship.

[MaireTreasa]

Step #4: "I must feel the fear and shame and do it anyway. " You're right, this is by far the most difficult thing for me to do. I'm in a 15-year long relationship where I have almost never made my own needs a priority out of fear that he will leave me. I recently made a need of mine known to him and even though it was disregarded, I did feel a small seed of growth planted in myself. I faced the fear and will do my utmost to continue doing so to the best of my ability. I don't know where my relationship will end up as I grow but I think that for the first time in my life, I will put the relationship with myself before my relationships with others. A relationship that can only thrive while I live in fear is most likely not a relationship I need to be in.

[browndiamond]

For those who don't know what he means when he says lower brain he's referring to your subconscious mind. When he says lower in general it's because it's below your conscious awareness. You can access it through consistent curiosity and questioning what makes you do certain things and why? Why you attract certain types of relationships or friendships. Journaling your answers(epiphanies) will help you to track progress/growth in mindset shift and emotional healing.

[cathynunaley]

I learned more in this short video of yours then i have learned in my 2 years of over coming co-dependency. Short, simple, and TO THE POINT. Bless you and THANK YOU

[Kate-hwlq]

Thank you for this video. I married my ' narcissistic mother' and have very recently separated after 33 years of telling myself it was my job to make everybody happy and if I tried harder and was a better person everything would be alright. She controlled by temper tantrums and so did he. Your advice is practical and gives me steps to help myself. This video is so helpful.

[BethyKable]

Struggled with this my whole adult life and have a long string of bad relationships to show for it. When will I learn? I can see now why pathologically selfish narcissists attach to the perfect dysfunctional fit. I have a long road of healing ahead of me. Thank you for your insights.

[theresemeggitt]

That's why I watched that movie so much! Groundhog Day love it! Recovering from Narc abuse.

[Kyrieava]

Very very helpful and insightful. I just discovered my struggle with codependency and having gone through recovery for some bad situations in my past, my soul is now ready to explore this and heal from it. Thank you for this-- seeing how it will all likely play out puts my mind at rest.

[geraldinecrowley]

Just found your channel.
So glad I did. I am co dependent for as long as I can remember. I am a carer for my husband and have been through cancer 2 yrs. Yet I put my husband & everyone else ahead of me. I am finding it very difficult to change. I have lost myself. I am like an attachment to him and others. Thank you for your great channel

[ThTriplGoddss]

Thank you for your video, for some reason it popped on my suggested videos. You came like fresh water. Codependent and empath coming from alcoholic, drug abuse and narcissistic family where emotional abuse was a daily meal.
Married a narcissist. Divorced after 18 years when I “discovered” the toxic relationship.
It is sad, shameful, and all sorts of confusing and scary things to face.
I did a whole two years of self recovery and I was doing so well, or I thought I was, and now I am here, back again, realizing I still have more inner reinforcement to do.
The hardest part is to keep nurturing myself and validating my own needs, because I am aware of what I am doing, but sometimes the patterns are so strong and it makes me sad and frustrated to be able to see it but not able to break it once for all.

[colliswilliams]

I'm quitting this video after step 1 to go watch groundhog day.

[daughteroflight]

You are an excellent therapist! I'm so blessed that I came across your YouTube channel.
Thanks Counselor Carl. 💙💫✨

[taylorbee]

Like how you're not blaming anybody this is calming me down a lot.

[pinam]

This is a a wow! I’m 56 years old and beginning to understand myself. It has been emotionally exhausting but I am willing to put in the work and recover once and go all

[brightpage]

“I will be a people respecter, including myself, my own needs and feelings.”



Yes, please!

[salvomig]

Great content and material Counselor Carl. I would like to add that in the end, Bill Murray's character eventually lets go of the attachment of all the things he is doing to get to Rita. Initially, he is forcing things and keeps failing as Rita senses it is artificial. Women are very keen on that. Fast forward towards the end of the movie and he has taken the time to make himself a better person not to get Rita but for himself. He has detached the idea he is doing these things to get her. He is no longer trying to force the relationship but accepts his new life and whatever happens. She falls for him now as he is genuine. He appears relaxed and at ease with himself. He doesn't care about the outcome, for he is living the present moment. And that is the challenge and fear many people have, to let go of this attachment and just let things happen naturally and not force them.

[MsMay]

Hmmm yes nice thought. I'm thinking the 'progress' road may be a long one...better late than never. I'm so glad to have found your videos. I'll stay tuned. Thank you again.