Spotting Red Flags for Furries, VRChat and more.

Thank you to all who helped me with this.

Part 2 is here-

[Sukiaeo]

I agree people that want power tend to be the people who don't need it and us folks that don't want it tend to be the ones cleaning up their messes

[thewulf]

that red flag about friend groups leaving kind of hits home. I'm not a very social person, but I do crave interaction, and usually have ONE friend in a group that I just kind of tag along with, and slowly branch out from there in their friend groups, trying to make friends. Well, if something happens to that friend, the "Anchor", then as far as my busted brain is concerned, I no longer have any reasonable way to approach the other friends. This isn't a "Woop guess im not friends with these guys anymore" it's the overbearing social anxiety that I am now left alone with people that are still strangers to me, even if they are friendly they haven't become close enough for me to completely trust.
This actually happened... semi-recently, as my best friend in VRC has just... disappeared. I managed to stay in contact with a handful of the people they introduced me too, unfortunately the only reason I was able to do so is that we were all trying to investigate and figure out what happened to That friend, but nobody has found anything in 10 months. This doesn't sound nice, however I hope they just.... did something dumb and got tossed in jail for a while, because the alternative thought has kept me from sleeping for 3-5 days at a time periodically. It has had such a profound impact on me that i've actually been afraid to get too close to people in VRC, because i'm afraid it might happen again (Which I know is silly, I'm just a bit insecure to put it.... very nicely)

[OrangeC]

As someone who's on the autism spectrum, this video will hopefully come in handy. Social cues in general can be much more difficult to pick up on for me, and I would be likely to dismiss a red flag even if I think I pick up on it. So having a video like this where they're listed and explained can help to be more decisive when these situations come up.

[JoltJackelope]

As much as I love the fandom and how wonderful most of it is. It’s still important to remember that there are some really scary and dangerous people out there. Just like with every fandom it is important to be careful with who you hang out with.

[arvurebantra]

About the boundaries thing, I am uncomfortable with people I do not know being sexual towards me, or even around me. I keep that between myself, and the people I trust. Furries in VRC really seem to think it's just OK to go up to someone they just met, and say "Holly crap your avatar is hot, I'd do things to you". This isn't JUST a boundary thing, it's also just the assumption that everyone is OK with such behavior in this fandom.
Another thing too, people need to be more willing to speak out when others may not be able to. More than once, I've frozen up when faced with a situation that bothers me, and people recognize that, but instead of speaking up, they just walk away. SPEAK OUT WHEN SOMEONE GOES TOO FAR DAMN IT.
Edit: I also need to add that I am in the "makes conversations about themselves" category, unfortunately. It's often my way of attempting to understand others, by linking similar experiences with their own, and not malicious. I'm glad you did include it though, and were nice enough to mention that some people are just very awkward.

[neock]

the "all my friends left me" one. theres another, more valid reason for it i have seen a fair few times first hand. they are a victim of narcissistic abuse. people who are victims of narcissistic abuse sometimes have a hard time forming proper attachments, and feel like everyone is abandoning them.

[NovaDragon]

All these red flags happen everywhere not just furry fandom or vrchat.
Either way good video, arming people with info is always a good step as the harder it is to control people the less likely it will be (Just look at scams as an ensample)

[TwinkieShip]

i recently had my own issue with a person that was super narcissistic on NeosVR, isolating people, calling everyone a pedo just because they didnt hang with them and always playing the victim with so many victim stories. it was very hard for me to notice or break out of the situation because i am not so social and have extremely bad social anxiety and social cues but after my other friends being targeted it broke it wide open and blocked them and they also got perma banned from Neos thats how bad it got.. it was quite the social challenge for me.

Ill share this video to who i can see possible isolating or controlling over them so they can also see the red flags. Thank you Vox for making this video

[DogBat]

Being friends with kids is fine, but you just have to realize that their kids

You can’t treat them the same way as adults and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU BE ATTRACTED TO THEM

[shadowpillar]

Honestly this is the internet in a nutshell. Not just furries. I have seen it all over because people generally have the same hangups regardless of identity, gender, or race.

[Val_Palll]

One more thing that I’d like to add to your really well thought out list. When people turn everything into a competition. I have legitimately heard arguments over “who is more of a lesbian” and “who likes to build computers more.” You can never have a genuine conversation with this kind of person. They will always find a way to make you feel like you don’t actually like the same thing they do because they somehow have to like it more. It’s also a really good gateway for them to brag about everything that they’ve done, which isn’t always a red flag. It’s just part of narcissistic behavior that is often seen when people have to turn everything into a competition. 8/10 - sometimes it’s really fun to have cute banter with your friends, however, for someone who constantly has to make themselves feel better by making you feel like you’re not good enough is not cute.

[thedracologist]

I used to work at a summer camp, so whenever I'm in a group situation where there are multiple age groups, my first instinct is to make sure all the kids present are safe, feel included, and are having a good time. I never considered that it could come across as creepy

[DDagove]

Hey... Your compassion video reached deep down... it was touching...

Before VR I had a Narcissistic friend who was my only friend for 2 years, he gas lit me a lot, made me feel sht... said the only way to improve was no ego, but to make yourself feel horrible to push yourself, make yourself seeing yourself as sht.... I confronted him about it and he just denied it, said I was lying...

But.... My friends on vr helped me... it was traumatic...

Coming to VR gave me a new mission... a new view on my life...


I want to be a good person... I want to influence others to be better versions of themselves... I want whoever I hang with... to say "wow... that guy is trying to be someone who cares... someone who is trying to fix people... to see that they are amazing.... I want to be like him"

That's what I want to give... I'm always worrying about my friends... about how I can be a better person...

Little do I wish... people would do that for me....

Your compassion video made me want to help people more....

I want to have an effect on people that if one day we ever went our separate ways, they'd remember me for being one of a kind on vrchat...

One day I want to make TikTok or YouTube content like you... I want to be amazing... I want people to see that if they try... they can be good people....

Your amazing man... keep making content.... ❤ I WILL make content as good, if not better than you

(I'm not trying to rub in, pls don't misunderstand)

I just want to be inspirational... I want when people to see me... they will try harder... and see the furry community in a better light....

This community brought me out of the pits of my deep depression...

My friend fcked me up badly.... Furries changed me... made me reimagine who I want to be... made me question my sexuality.... They fixed me in a way....

This I will never forget...

This community means so much to me....

Especially when I'm from a home which has the stigma "if your gay, god says your going to hell"

It scared the fck out of me.... trying to control my decisions and all...

Vrchat changed my life for the better... I had no friends in High School and being Neurodivergent....

It liberated me knowing there are people like me.... people who care... people who are nice.... this fandom is amazing....

Ty for ur videos.... Hopefully you don't see me as a red flag 😢

Keep being you man... I just hope one day we can meet You seem amazing to hang with....

ONE DAY I WILL BE AMAZING... ONE DAY I WILL IMPACT LIKE YOU DO

[alubi]

Sometimes I accidentally violate boundaries after spending too much time around people without those boundaries in my life, there's been a few instances that I've felt bad about.

[WhiskeyTheDerg]

I once lied about my age (I lied about being an adult), wanting to feel included but in the end it was not worth it in any way, I ended up losing the friend I lied to just so I was included and a bunch of others. Never until then have I thought it was bad or anything, but now I regret ever doing it. Its not worth lying

[jawllypop]

Seriously, people who lie about their age are sad as hell, and especially the adults who pretend to be kids are the biggest creeps ever and probably up to something super illegal.
DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THESE GUYS!!!!

[Itsallgoodtogo]

The closing thoughts were really important.
As an adult with not much free time I'm finding it difficult to find friends in VRchat because either they are all young with all the time in the world and because of the age difference (I'm 32) we have almost nothing in common... OR... I find that one unicorn but he/she has the same amount of free time like me which means we are almost never online at the same time and even when they are there are loads of other people that want to meet them so I just leave their instance after saying HI. Being an adult with responsibilities sucks sometimes. Maybe thats why I'm often a mute ... just hurts when you connect amazingly with people one day and then a week later they are gone(just like me when real life takes over)

[thumb]

Another ending to the “seeking power” situation is that person nuking the group by mass kicking, muting, or messaging, or even just deleting the group altogether.

[fizzyfennec]

Hanging out with kids is so true. I once attended an event and noticed a child joined in. They even stated in their bio that they're twelve years old. So I approached the host and told them a child who's too young to even play vrc joined and their response was "Yea he's our buddy we invited him" Mind you the host was about 30 years old and was constantly hanging around that kid.

[inkblooded]

On telling other people you're a good person, there is a something I want to bring up. There is another possibility: people who are trying to be the best person they can be, but also have massive self-confidence issues and need reaffirmation, even from themselves. This applies to me personally; I might not go around introducing myself as "the nice guy, " but I do try to be the best person I can be and help people. If asked, I will tell others that it's my goal in life to better as many other lives as possible. This is partially because it's a pretty common fear of mine that I'm failing or letting other people down, when I most likely am not; a bad habit of thinking that leads me to judge myself very negatively. By repeating that I want to do my best to help others, I reaffirm my goals to myself by saying it out loud. I'll even talk about it in private, to help keep my mind on the goals I have set for myself.

This is, however, a good point and not something to take lightly. I just don't want you to be *too* harsh. Sometimes, someone isn't a narcissist, but is just painfully uncomfortable in their own head and terrified of doing the wrong thing.