How I thought it would be

The Cat District is currently being contested; ever since Mittens ventured into the Land of No Return

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YouTube Audio Library - Bedtime - Reed Mathis

Hi, Al. This video is a dub of a Reddit web comic meme (originally by Trying Times Comics) about how I thought it would be, versus, how it's going. Please show it to people who will like it. Thank you.

[JeaneyCollects]

The Cat District is currently being contested; ever since Mittens ventured into the Land of No Return

[Ashlevon]

Though Cat District is recognized by both sides as an independent and sovereign territory, its inhabitants often roam up and down the front lines, and both me and them appreciate that because we both love a soft, furry body to pet and cuddle with.

[Anime-Doof]

I can't wait for the documentaries on the Thread Count Wars.

[ardanbadmaev]

Warhammer 40k bed includes:

- Hive City Pillow Fort
- Eye of Terror ( aka the land of no return, aka under the bed)
- Habzones 1, 2, 3, and 4 (All pillows)
- Pleasure world (the cat district)
- Orc and Tyranid infected regions (the disputed territory)
- Mysterious mound (Mysterious Mound)

[intothevoid]

When this first started, we thought it would all be peace and harmony, but war... War never changes.

[nicolasa.]

"So, how's the marriage going?"

"I've managed to gain territory in the south end but I'm beginning to lose my hold on the cat province."

"Ah, so there'll be no grandchildren anytime soon then."

[sadscribble]

Implies someone has gotten stuck under that bed and have since never returned
Edit: I did not see the pinned comment until now and I’m very concerned for the cat

[dynaheart]

The fact that he doesn't even have a side anymore, so he's in a constant dispute to maintain his territory

[Vengeful_Octopus]

The situation has developed greatly to our disadvantage. If we do not act quickly I fear that all will be lost for us. I propose we launch an invasion into the southern territories and secure a stronghold around The Mound. From there we can begin pushing up, liberating the captured pillows and force the enemy’s surrender. But first we must have the Cat District as our ally. We are simply not strong enough to force our way through and their warriors would be a powerful asset. Pillow Fort Province will be where the Right Side will make its final stand. It is heavily fortified and they may be able to remain within its walls for months. But we can not be defeated. Our victory is the only way this land can be set right.

[hyperfiz]

we have kidnapped mittens and we will take over cat district if you to not give up pillow fort province, you have 3 days

-the land of no return

[iberis]

The Cat District on my bed is the entirety of it, I'm like a peasant only getting allowed to sleep on the side in which the master allows me to, in this case the one she's not occupying.

[fuzzyalba]

In this war they use literal sleeper agents

[DjWyvrn]

My wife and I actually make sure we give eachother the correct pillows and blankets:
I like my lumpy pillow, because there are spots I know to turn it to when I am uncomfortable when it is turned a certain way. I also love my thin Big Blanket Brand blanket, that I can wrap myself into a cocoon with.
My wife likes her tiny flimsy older pillow, that has minimum fluffage (but she is small so she doesn't give a hoot.). She also needs a brown blanket her family gave her, because the material is comfy, and somehow not itchy, to her.
We have our borders and territories mapped out... though in the end, she still invades with cuddles, which I open my borders to.

[CoeGr]

I need a full hour video analyzing this battlefield and it's history.

[TheAetherleaf]

Life is never as simple as one might imagine it to be

[ShaunTheSheep.]

The Land Of No Return have probably devoured so many socks, remotes, pillows and bedsheets that nothing in their right mind would wanna fall off that bed. If they do, they'll surely get kicked by a leg into the mysterious Land Of No Return ruled by none other than the Underworld Lord MITTENS👹

[general_apple]

(scroll to bottom for tldr)

Current status:
The cat district is heavily militarizing. No certain intelligence has been gathered but we believe they are prepared to take disputed territory. The pillow fort province has sent an exploration party through rugged pillows and has made it the the mysterious mound. A colony is currently being established for research on the mound and exploration into the unknown territory. Multiple microstates within the Pillow Mountains as currently contesting against the pillow fort province’s rule. The cat district could be planning to “liberate them” but only time will tell.

*2 months later*
A small group of pillow fort province researchers have ventured out from the mound, and to the unknown territory. The cat district’s campaign to take disputed territory has been going well, as there is sparse population in the area. The pillow fort province the the their faction have caught on to the cat district’s plans and are sending forces into the disputed territory to recapture land. With most of the army capturing disputed territory, multiple separatist microstates within the pillow mountains have declared independence from the pillow fort province. Limited intelligence has been gathered from them but we can very well believe that they are preparing for a massive assault from the pillow fort province. The cat province could possible join in the coalition against the microstates as they would love to have more land. There is believed to be an incredibly top secret project that the their faction is working on. Limited intelligence suggest that they are working on a.. super-bomb, of sorts. Only time will tell what they are truly building.
(3/4 of this credit to failure44)

*6 months later*
After clear borders were drawn on the disputed territory, the bed has come to relative peace. The vast majority of conflicts within the bed are internal, mostly in the pillow fort province and separatist cat district researchers at the mysterious mound. The their faction has completed research on their bomb, and use it as a peacekeeping method. Many countries are envious but all blueprints of the super-bomb have been burned into oblivion. However massive unrest within the south area of the bed has begun. There are rumors that Mittens, the past ruler of the cat district, became the leader of the Land of no Return and is wreaking havoc on southern territories of the bed. However, these are just rumors and have not been confirmed.

*2 weeks later*
The their faction’s super-bombs have failed. Mittens is taking control of thousands of square millimeters as I type this. The world has collectively united under one ideal: Defeat Mittens. Almost all citizens of every country have enlisted in the army, completely willfully. The their faction has discovered an incredibly powerful material at the mysterious mound; but Mitten’s wrath is quickly approaching they mound. Only time will tell if the their faction can build giga-bombs to defeat Mittens before the world is united under the tyranny of Mittens.

*1 month later*
The world is in ruins. The their faction was able to build a giga-bomb, and defeat mittens. However, this has come at a cost. The giga-bomb was powerful enough to defeat mittens but also powerful enough to flatten half of all the man-made structures in the bed. There are efforts to rebuild, but ash and fallout from the giga-bomb have covered areas with suitable concrete-making sand and almost all trees were snapped like toothpicks, leaving only mudbrick as the best building material. Much of the world’s population was either killed by the explosion or surviving off of farm remnants and sod or mudbrick shelters. The explosion effectively sent bedanity back to the Bronze Age. The old cities have been looted completely by past residents and surviving cities in the Pillow Mountains are inhabited only by the rich and powerful. The commoners are building their own cities where others used to stand and the world is ever so slowly recovering. Only time will tell when the bed will return to its past peace and prosperity.

*30 years later*
The bed has returned to its previous form, due to knowledge of industrial practice being preserved in the surviving cities of the pillow fort province. The old cities are now national monuments of the new Pillow Confederation, a more democratic version of the old Pillow Fort Province. The cat district is a shell of its former self, but it still stands. Old super-bombs were reverse engineered by the Pillow Confederation, and blueprints were leaked for the rest of the world to behold. The secret society of the “my” faction has built great cities in the old disputed territory, becoming the main superpower of the bed. The mysterious mound has been mined completely for its resources, and is now a pit in the ground as all the superpowers of the bed search for resources below.
Tensions between the My factions and the Pillow Confederation have been increasing and an arms race of super-bombs is expected to occur in the near future. Only time will tell if bedanity will be once again blasted back to the Stone Age.

*TL;DR*

Chapter 1
Cat district making big army, pillow fort province exploring, areas in pillow fort province want independence

Chapter 2
Pillow fort explorers reach mound and set up camp, cat district taking over disputed area, pillow fort tries to take disputed area too, rebellion happens in pillow fort, cat district might help destroy rebellion, the their faction is making super bombs

Chapter 3
World conflicts are internal, the their faction finished superbombs and keeps world peace with them, leader of the land of no return invaded the south

Chapter 4
Land of no return leader, mittens, was undefeated by superbombs. The entire world wants to destroy mittens, the their faction is making giga bombs to destroy mittens

Chapter 5
Giga bomb destroyed mittens but also entire world, world is blasted to pre-industrial tech, cities in mountains use old tech to rebuild world

Chapter 6
World is rebuilt, secret my faction is main bed superpower, superbombs reverse engineered for new blueprints, arms race of superbombs starts

[CindowGT]

"So, how's it going?"

"Yeah I've managed to gain the Southern Provinces aswell as the Cat District eversince it ventured into the Land of No Return"

[superdrive]

I love that we all collectively agreed that the cat's name is Mittens.

[lakamokolaka]

The nations lived together in peace and harmony, then everything changed when the Mittens nation attacked