Navigating the Rules of Social Interaction for Autistic People

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd

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Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

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[cindisowder]

I’m not autistic, my husband is, and yet every one of your videos make total sense to me. We have a weird ass society.

[Xanderj]

Double empathy innit. talking in a way that you would receive well vs what they would receive well. Golden rule vs platinum rule etc. I try to think “If I was overwhelmed or on the verge of a meltdown, I take anything even slightly negative extremely harshly, even when the other person meant nothing by it” and work from there, you can always work towards more pressured language but it’s hard to move away once hackles are raised

[ImmortalAmbitions]

So legit!!!!
Btw. I wanted to share that I today got my results for my psyche evaluation….
I agree with what they DID diagnose me with (ADHD, PTSD & depression) however I am not satisfied because they did not diagnose me with Autism.
I disagree because my internal experience best matches those who experience the overlap of Autism & ADHD and especially how it presents in females (I am also female).

I also wanted to thank you for your insights & perspectives as well as sharing your internal experience. While we do not present the same, there are SO MANY of your experiences that I also share.

Thank you for being you!!!!

[Sentientdreamer]

I had a friend tell me how awkward I am.
I had noted this well before he mentioned it.
To this day I couldn't fathom why he didn't see how awkward he was...
Because I ask awkward questions I'm used to suddenly hitting those intensely quiet moments where it seems like the oxygen was jetted out of my vicinity.
Why don't others see it when they do it?
Maybe I do it more but I'm not the only one that does...

[MyWits_End]

It's tricky, mostly because it's different for every person. I don't think there is 'one right way'. Some people would be so grateful that you cared enough to ask them such deeply close questions and others will treat you like you're an evil 'so-and-so'. Honestly, you just gotta do your best to read the room and let your instincts lead you. If they turn out to be inaccurate for one person, it doesn't necessarily mean that you did anything wrong. It just means that person wasnt open to accepting what you had to give. You can't be what you are not. And you can't read anyone else's mind and you can't control how another person will interpret or perceive your efforts. All you can do is what feels right to you in the moment and if it doesn't work out, so be it, but you know you did your best to be a decent person. If it's not taken that way, it doesn't mean you were wrong or offensive or inappropriate. As we all know, one of the best ways to gauge and understand a person better is to ask questions. If another person interprets your attempts at empathy as somehow nefarious in some way, I'm afraid that's on them ❤

[AutisticAthena]

I have learned that you have to be soft with NT people, you can't be forward AND blunt, and if you're asking about something bad, you're supposed to offer to help (and they will demure) before you ask any prying questions. Goes Like this "I heard about your mom... Really sorry about that. Is there anything I can do to help! ... No? ... Do you mind if I ask what happened, this seems so ____(pick a gently negative adjective, IE, unfair, sudden, ect)". Then you follow it up with a generic compliment to the deceased and another rephrasing of condolences.

[MundtStefan]

That was me asking "inappropriate" questions at the "inappropriate" time.
Due to rejection I learned to second guess myself and not ask those questions or questions in general. But my normal proclivity remains the same.
I type an SMS or Message and go often back and add fill words and phrases etc ....

[tzign]

Thanks Orion for shedding more light on the ND NT differences in communication!
I hated every word of condolences neurotypical people would offer me after my husband died (23 years ago). I literally started to cut them off and try to remain polite. I didn't want to hear all the false, mushy, non genuine bull they had to offer. It only infuriated me. When I literally would get home I'd scream about why people were so damn insensitive for offering such ingenuine dialogue in the first place. Because it happened so often for years after, I started avoiding anyone I knew in public. I've always felt much better with straight forward cut to the chase, or considered 'rude' conversation. That should've been a clue as to my being on the spectrum, but I masked too damn well. Now, at 60, no neurotypical will believe me that I'm on the spectrum. I should get an Oscar for portraying a neurotypical all my life 😂... But doing so has burnt me out and I isolate 90% of the time now.

[ismailabdelirada]

My social experience, as I grew up, was that all the things that came naturally, without effort or thought, to other people, I had to figure out as I went. And, quite unwittingly, I not infrequently got it wrong.

My social experience now is a bit different. I have ceased to worry about what neurotypical folk think; I have learned they're going to regard me as weird no matter what -- and 16 years of organized stalking and associated aggressions, including a steady diet of pollutants because people know I object to that and therefore it's funny, have left me probably more autistic than before, and less willing in any case to try to seem "normal."

So now I openly innovate. I klaw and even nur (walk and run backwards, respectively), count to 99 on my fingers, and make multilingual puns whether people get them or not.

So I'm less "normal" and weirder, and therefore even more isolated and calumniated. But I also feel more like the *individual* Allah designed me to be.

[Technicolor-mother]

As an Autistic person I will share that. It is what matters.

[justinacarothers]

I can tell you from my own personal experience. Many people I've been very blunt with questions or comments about after the death of their loved ones have expressed being ever so greatful I cared enough to actually Ask the hard or big questions with out fear of hurting their feelings. They LOVED their person & they often NEED & WANT to talk to someone about them. It keeps their memory alive. Lets them know their loved one is not forgotten in death. They want to tell someone the good, the bad, the real, the hard, the memories, & even the pain of their loss. Thats when they feel you really Cared enough to actually find out if They are okay & how they are dealing emotionally with their grief.
I say Be you, Be honest, Be the person who asks. The other person may actually NEED that to heal.
I guess I struggle with the taboo subjects. Why is it not okay to talk about death or the dead? Why is it not okay to talk about health experiences people incounter as they get older? Are these things a secret? Or was there a secret class on knowing & understanding these things so you never had to speak of them & I was absent that day?

[JoyFay]

It’s even worse when I bring up something that happened decades ago, as if it just happened.

[katielangsner]

Socializing is a "wicked problem"; it has incomplete, contradictory and changing requirements that are difficult to recognize.

[COUNTERCOM]

This video reminds me of the time I asked out a girl almost as soon as I met her.

[timothywalker]

Yes we’re seen as being blunt on tough subjects, and supposed to be nuanced and almost poetic about death. I dare say that even the Neurotypical are going to have problems when thinking on what to say death it self is a shock to the living we can’t all be great at what to say. Usually when I arrive at a viewing I will remember to listen more and then speak my mind.

[minako]

I insult people just by breathing.
I'm sure i've just outright bluntly asked questions. Sometimes I don't ask anything at all, and that lacks empathy. You can't win.

[nnylasoR]

I got to gaze into my Mom’s eyes, hold her restless hand, sing to her and witness as she was relieved of her earthly discomfort (due to a 4yr battle with cancer) on July 5th.
I am grieving unlike any person I’ve ever witnessed.
I would LOVE to have a conversation like that with someone, but I don’t dare open up “at” anyone… and they all just keep saying their *sorry* as if each one of them had a part in offing her and are now feeling a smidge of remorse.
*SIGH*
😞😞😞

[LlibertarianGalt]

Being AuADHD i really feel that imagining a scenario in your head then getting frustrated at the situation you imagined 😂

[JuliaJames-zxxy]

I've quit associating with people. That's reduced my discomfort of trying to interact with other people.

[azamat]

i have done that once in my early twenties. after that whenever someone dies i just dont talk about this topic as i have no idea how to talk about it without hurting the other person.