Autistic Burnout isn’t an excuse to harm our loved ones

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[brielle]

Is it just me but sometimes I randomly stumble upon videos that relate to certain events in my life and they always come at the best time 😭

[sarahleony]

With my closest people I’ve communicated all these things and agreed to use a very simple signifier of when I’m hitting a burnout: I just text them a snail emoji. “Im gonna retreat into my little house and take care of me, I’ll talk to you soon”

[rokomichi]

Your partner must be the luckiest person on this earth. Having someone who is self aware of themselves and has the ability to communicate healthily is a blessing for couples in a relationship.

-High fives from Japan.

[Cello]

the way you break down reciprocity. YES. WOW. I've been pondering that a LOT

[RambleMaven]

You can always count on Irene to tackle the controversial topic in the autistic community 🤣🤣💖 I feel like this came out pretty nuanced Just a reminder that if you genuinely feel like you have evaluated your patterns and armed your loved with the knowledge necessary while you go through burnout this video IS NOT attacking you!

[Alayhoo]

I think it’s also important to add the way attachment style will inform how friends and family members respond. Those who are more anxiously attached are more likely to feel mistreated because of their own attachment wounds that have nothing to do with me the autistic friend. That’s their issue to take to therapy, it’s not the autistic person’s job to manage someone else’s emotions and attempting to do so is a good way to put yourself into burnout.

I personally don’t have close relationships because I have no desire to at this point. I don’t have the stamina to care so much about all the things needed to maintain them. It’s just not worth it to me anymore. I got so damn tired of explaining myself, others expecting me to manage their feelings while I’m dealing with things out of my control (like autistic burnout) and the way doing all of that essentially robbed me of my time to just be myself because relationships feel like being under constant surveillance. Plus, the whole pervasive drive for autonomy thing makes relationships even more challenging. My attachment style leans dismissive-avoidant - in case it wasn’t obvious lol - due to childhood trauma, mainly physical and emotional neglect.

You are very right about the pain of self awareness but there’s also a freedom to it too. I used to force myself to have relationships because I thought that’s just what people do and so I have no choice. It was freeing to learn I have a choice and that for me, being alone is actually quite enjoyable and there’s nothing wrong with that. I currently can’t see any benefit to giving up that autonomy. To do so has always felt like sacrificing myself for another person and after years and years of doing that without getting much of anything in return like an equal level of attentiveness, I’m over it.

[jarmoliebrand]

I’m still picking myself up after my first autistic burnout. Sounds fantastic to hear people have multiple of those in life…

For me, autistic burnout can coincide with a form of demand avoidance. Sometimes I don’t read my texts out of some sort of fear. But in autistic burnout, I even ignored my friends. And usually, in the group chat, I’m the chattiest one. They sure as hell notice there’s something going on. And next time, it’s good to concisely let them know what’s going on, rather than leaving them in the dark.

[datboirb]

You have to examine all perceptions of reality, expectations, and will power. After you self reflect. It's all we can do.

[MariaJoseRozas]

Accurate information about ourselves helps so much with accountability. Our actions have impact, and being ok with a self-assessment that might not be flattering is key, so we can take action in a way that aligns with respect for ourselves and others.

I have many regrets from not knowing how to show up for my loved ones and their worries. I hope less folks get these regrets, and are surrounded by people who understand when they're showing up.

This video is valuable. ♥️

[danielles.]

I’m so burnt out idk what to do…. I’m so tired

[WatchingNinja]

I thought I wasnt autistic for the longest time because of the lack of accountability in the online communities. I read so many stories of autistics yelling at loved ones, ignoring their friends, and seeking validation. Like, I would never tolerant someone who yelled at me because they had a melt down or friends who ignored me. I get that we sometimes slip up, but behaviors like this can be hurtful and abusive.

This requires learning new coping skills and noticing when we are on the verge of burnouts.

[siastia]

This is so helpful. Especially the emphasis on our own responsibility to be self-aware and validating/following through with loved ones. The care package is so important in fostering good relations.

[leaf]

when someone is not reciprocal with me i withdraw, and when someone has made it unsafe for me to express how im feeling I dont need to create unsafe situation for myself by continuing to express myself to them

[SonicCloud]

Don't play the game of being reasonable with people who don't like you. Their hostility will return, you will feel like a fool, and you will hate them. Take it from me, been there done that!

[stakemz]

Pretty validating video. I've been on the receiving end of some of the thoughtless behaviors from others and have experienced burnout myself. It's a balancing act. I personally feel like, at least from my own experience, that the ability to identify your own emotions and being more aware of your internal state can help tremendously with burnout. Being aware of what's going on inside you lets you take steps to mitigate things before they get out of control in the future. Yeah, I get that autism is neurological, but emotions are processed in our brain. Alexithymia is very common in autism so building that skill of identifying emotions seems like a super power once you have it.

[lillian]

I wonder if this will be about what we can do to prevent the burnout since there is some control there. Maybe it’s about what we are still responsible for while in burnout. I’m not sure. It’s an intriguing video title. Looking forward to the premiere tomorrow! :D

[ShoutItFromTheHousetops]

Not exactly sure what autistic burnout is, but I believe I came to a peaceful conclusion just yesterday. If this looks like burn-out please let me know. The decision I came to yesterday was that I can no longer physically attend any brick & mortar church on Sundays due to the length of time, the seating discomfort and the social anxiety with the required small talk afterward. I’ve felt my own personal guilt for not attending for the past two weeks, and the growing anxiety and clock-watching that I was beginning to feel yesterday. At one point I was reminded of a word I was given in the past…
”You won’t be spread thin.” I teared up after being reminded of that. It’s a self-regulating reminder. So I honored that need in me. I was at peace the entire day as I gardened at my home. I also found joy in giving, by replanting 2 large planter pots for my friends.

[Cnlg]

Thanks Irene! This is the self-check I feel like I've needed to actually move on from punching myself down for others sake and to figure out how to show the empathy I have more properly.

[tillman]

Seek to increase ones emotional IQ. Push through the weakness.

[C-SD]

I'm lucky to have other nd people around me, so this sort of thing is pretty easy to communicate with them. I am lucky that at my age (44) most of the people in my life have at least a vague idea of what my brain is doing differently, and so they understand that it is not them at all.
One friend and I have what we call the F.I.C. (f*ck it clause) if we make plans and get up that day and either chronic pain, or burnout, or both, means we won't be able to leave that day.