Ridiculous Court Filings

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Sorry, occupational hazard: This is not legal advice, nor can I give you legal advice. I AM NOT YOUR LAWYER. Sorry! Everything here is for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Nothing here should be construed to form an attorney-client relationship. Also, some of the links in this post may be affiliate links, meaning, at no cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. But if you click, it really helps me make more of these videos! All non-licensed clips used for fair use commentary, criticism, and educational purposes. See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).

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[sofademon]

One other quick one. I knew a judge who once called both attorneys into a sidebar and said "the real tragedy here is that one of you guys is going to win this thing and leave thinking you did a good job. Lets move this along, shall we?"

[MegaFortinbras]

In the military, the phrase "with all due respect" typically means that the amount of respect to be given approaches zero as a limit.

[SpawnRevenge]

That handwritten divorce document looks like the kind of letter a serial killer would send the police to taunt them.

[bloodyneptune]

"Sure, we won't call her 'the government' we'll call her the General. And I'd like to be called Captain Justice, Defender of the Innocent, Guardian of the Realm" that's the most amazing, most sarcastic legal argument I've ever heard

[CommissarMitch]

Mr. Justice legit sounds like a fun dude. He saw the opponent being cheeky and decided to be cheeky back.

[Blaquer]

Mr. Justice actually has a valid point in that if "the Government" is inflammatory, then "the Defendant" is equally so. I totally agree with "The Citizen Accused".

[TheRealCodeBlack]

Oh, man. The "Captain Justice" example is a masterpiece of legal sarcasm. The epitome of "okay, you want to play games? Fine, I'll play."

[zakbrueckner]

I used to work in retail HR. There was an incident where a pregnant high school girl physically threatened another employee for "giving an attitude". It eventually made its way to corporate. During the investigation, we asked both people to give a written account of what happened. The girl literally wrote in her statement "if I get fired over this, I'll literally kill [person]." I'm sure you can guess how this went.

[IanZainea]

Honestly, "the citizen accused" is quite good terminology and I wouldn't mind it at least sharing the proverbial stage with "the defendant"

[smkfet]

I love that the hand written divorce filing with intermittent ALL CAPS still uses the proper terms like petitioner and respondent

[ImpudentInfidel]

Wait, so he challenged his wife to single combat, tried to deny her choice of weapon, AND tried to unilaterally set the terms as à l'outrance?!

Even if it was legal it should have been denied purely on dueling etiquette grounds.

[jimwormmaster]

10:59: On the contrary, I've heard some epic tales. Such as the time an attorney, citing that she had the legal right to use a deposition for any purpose in court, wished to smack opposing counsel upside the head with it. The judge paused to allow for objections, then allowed it. At which point opposing counsel objected, but the judge overruled it, stating he had his chance.

[podemosurss]

Not the USA, but in Spain there is a book about those kind of crazy sheganigans called "de juzgado de guardia" ("juzgado de guardia" is Spanish for the first instance court that has to view cases first, and "de juzgado de guardia" is a Spanish legal idiom for crazy things going in the legal system). The book includes:
-A judge accidentally issuing a search order against himself.
-A case in which the judge and the defendant had the exact same name.
-An inmate requesting special breakfast for New Year.
-A judge mistaking two cases because both were related to bicycles.
-A woman mistaking the court building for the nearby bus station.
-A prosecutor deciding to become a farmer in the middle of a trial.
-A witness admiting that, had he been in the scene of a crime, he would have avenged the victim.
And these are only a few.

[jordanevans]

Fun fact; it’s not just elected officials. When I was offered a position with a police department in KY, I also had to swear that I had not engaged in or aided a duel

[s.henrlllpoklookout]

Captain Justice also conceded that while Captain is less impressive than General, he was only representing 1 defendant while the AG represented an entire state

[malcolmdarke]

The whole Superbowl thing is basically the lawyer going "you said you'd do X if situation Y came up and situation Y has come up. Do X" which is, in all honesty, what an awful lot of legal stuff seems to be based upon.

[thekwoka]

The "that innocent man" in the captain justice thing was a stroke of brilliance.

[girlnextdoor]

When I was an intern at the public defender’s office during law school - we had a client who was facing 2nd degree murder charges who fired his PDs and represent himself. His first motion that he filed pro per was a motion to dismiss in which he called the murder victim an “alcoholic bitch” and told the court that he killed her because she slapped a beer can out of his hand. His trial starts in September. 🍿🍿

[christmastiger]

"Although the respondent and potential combatant do have souls to be rended" and "potentially life-ending ramifications" makes me think the lawyer really enjoyed typing that response out, good for them for playing along.
Edit: I take it back, nobody was having more fun writing a motion than Captain Justice, Leader of the Resistance, Guardian of the Realm.

[davidmoore]

While I'm not a lawyer I did work in Auto Accident Claims and saw my fair share of wacky legal docs and police reports. I think my favorite was a police report where the officer stated something to the effect of "Suspect drove car onto porch and through front door of his ex spouse's home, and fled on foot to neighbors home. Officer approached suspect who was banging on the back door begging to be let in. Officer approached with taser drawn. Suspect turned to me and requested I not call the cops because he was in his own words 'tripping balls' when suspect realized I was an officer the suspect shrieked and charged for officer's crotch. Officer used one hand to shield crotch and other hand to aim taser to subdue suspect." That has been my favorite since I first read it I burst out laughing so hard and had to talk to the guy once he was out of jail where he tried to explain that this was all taken out of context.