Social Anxiety and NPD

In this episode, Dr. Ettensohn discusses the relationship between social anxiety and pathological narcissism and NPD, focusing on underlying fears of shame and humiliation, loss of self, and the legacy of relational trauma.

The second half of the episode discusses general strategies for addressing social anxiety.

References:

Sartre, J.P. (1964). Nausea. New Directions Publishing Corp.

#npd #narcissism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #dsm #psychology #healing #socialanxiety

[healnpd]

I will remove comments that are abusive to any individual (including myself) or population. This includes comments that are abusive toward pwNPD.

[Akuruc]

As a psychologist i have to state this is the most professional, objective channel on youtube about NPD. Congratulation and thank you for this quality content.

[Audrey-mczp]

“The pain of feeling like in some essential way they are outside the human experience - of the burden of always having to Watch themselves and always having to gauge how they’re doing” “of not having the feeling like they can relax or truly be in the moment” i relate to this so much

[Isabelle-ix]

I can assure you you're doing a great job. There is a whole bunch of us NPD redditors following you and recommending your channel to newbies.

[dereksanderson]

I just discovered your videos. You are fulfilling a niche not covered by doctors Ramani or Vaknin; you actually feel more like a therapy session, albeit one-way. Keep it up.

[aldovirooo]

I am in treatment for NPD. You content is a great complement. Thank you so much for being a sensible, kind, professional voice.

[CB]

Your channel is seriously under rated. It probably doesn't get much traffic because you're not triggering anger. Anger is used to generate traffic in order to generate more revenue!

[ATouchofBeautyinEverything]

Please keep it up. You are the first person I have seen that approaches npd with compassion and recognizes it as a trauma disorder.
Ironically, many therapists online approach the subject in a very narcissistic way where they devalue the narcissist. It seems the one area of mental health where people think it’s ok to judge.
Yes, narcissists hurt people but so do most people with mental health disorders. Hurt people hurt people.
As someone who has had several narcissists in my life who I deeply love, I really appreciate your approach. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Let’s all put judgement aside and look for ways to help people heal.

[i.ehrenfest]

Another reason that your approach releases me from the confusion I feel when listening to or reading other NPD experts, is that while I’m predominately (I think) the victim of childhood narcissistic abuse, I feel I have narcissistic traits myself, too.

In the approach on other channels, there are only victims and perpetrators, the good and the bad. Not only don’t I see “just bad people” in my abusive relatives, but I also don’t see a perfectly virtuous individual in myself. (In fact the thought is wonderfully absurd.)

Now - I want to acknowledge my own narcissistic traits, but in the black and white worldview, this leads me to constantly ruminate whether, possibly, I am “the” narcissist, or also a narcissist. Especially since I’m very aware that many narcissists see themselves as victims and the world outside as mean and disappointing.

That’s unproductive.

With your clear and coherent explanations, I think I see reality more for what it is. I’m not a narcissist, but I do have traits, I have a lot of vulnerabilities such as you address, and that doesn’t suddenly put me in the dark camp - instead, it’s something I can learn to understand and allow, instead of just hoping I’m mistaken and that’s not really a part of me.

I just don’t gain anything from the antagonistic approach. (Although it had its value in getting out of the phase of being too understanding and forgiving, to my detriment.) Now I feel I am in learning mode, instead of “condemn and vilify” mode.

Finally, your insights have more internal logic than the theories, if they’re really full blown theories, that I usually find online and in books. This is a model of human behaviour and dynamics. The others are often more of a get-together of like minded individuals - with which there is nothing wrong, but does it support our growth?

I once read an interview with a man who spent his whole life doing research into - well, I forget the exact description, but what it came down to is that he researched wars, holocausts and other forms of catastrophic human behaviour.

He said there was one main thing he had learned from his lifetime of doing that. And it was simply this: that the root of all such catastrophe is, and now I go verbatim, people believing they are better than other people.

Condemning narcissism, especially as a societal trend, is very very important. But creating an artificial division between good and bad people is not. Just look at the many comments in which people say, literally, “I don’t regard them as human.” That disturbs me.

Dutch writer Abel Herzberg who survived the concentration camps said about Hitler, in an interview: “I feel sorry for him as a human being.” He did not mean that we should in any way forgive or justify what Hitler did. He did not mean that he underestimated the evil of Hitler. He probably did not mean that he wouldn’t have killed Hitler if he had had the opportunity to. But he saw the entirety of the human drama. As we see in the massive support Hitler had, evil doesn’t come from inhuman demons. It comes from us.

So yes. This nuanced and internally logical approach is needed if we want to be full human beings instead of caricatures fighting the evil in others.

I could not say this in the very many narcissism posts on Quora, because it would lead to strong hostility, as I’ve noticed. Not that one should be swayed by that.

[frankievalentine]

You're really doing exceptional work, but it's good to stay human and have doubts and worries, too. I've been through a lot of online abuse & dogpiling silliness and it's really nothing compared to silencing yourself and not speaking from your own conscience. Most of our best thinkers & healers through history were "canceled" in some way, so please just continue to speak your mind and don't worry about internet trolls, even hoardes of them. Your audience is listening and understands you.

[Ninishiningleaf]

I found a huge turn around in social anxiety with self talk:

It's OK if they don't like me, I still like me.

I said somthing wierd and I'm embarrassed, but I am who I am, quirky, odd, beautiful, funny, awkward.

Ah here's someone who is looking at me weird, they seem to be annoyed or hate me, that's OK, some people are for me and some are not.

I've learned to relax around people and accept the awkward imperfection of humanity, and thus accept myself.

[marble_drawer]

Thank you for this video! I was aware of having social anxiety for many years before I realized the other feelings I struggled with were NPD symptoms, so it's interesting to know these two can be so closely connected.
Would you consider making a video on grief upon realizing one has NPD? Like, I feel like I've never really lived my life as "me" - I lived it as an avatar of myself, one full of jealousy, hate, spite and feelings of superiority. There were so many relationships I could've saved, so much autoagresssion I could've avoided and so many years I could've spent just living in peace instead of - as you phrase it in your book - a house with a floor that could collapse under me at any moment. I don't know how to cope with these feelings.

[JennieHelline]

I'm glad I found this channel because it helps me have empathy .
Empathy helps the healing process for both sides...

[Lanedude]

This is helping me understand my mother and how to interact with her. Please don’t stop.

[melisherwood]

I respect and admire your honesty and courage, Dr. Ettensohn. I am not narcissistic but I do experience a great deal of anxiety. Coping with it and trying to get out of my comfort zone is an exhausting enterprise. Sometimes I just don’t want to learn anything new and just live in a comfortable little bubble.

[mongoharry]

The "Am I good, am I loved, am I safe...Yes! " picture was really something ❤️

[aquastar]

This is the first video of at least 50 videos that I’ve watched on this condition that approaches it from a clinical perspective which is going to enable me to coexist with a dearly loved husband of 40 years, giving me many new tools thank you so much for your approach.

[leanneb]

I have been watching or reading or listening to information about NPD for close on four years now. I always had the feeling that something was missing but I didn't know what until I found your channel. Your humanistic viewpoint is giving me the missing part. I have found compassion for those suffering from this disorder. Coming from a npd run home and observing the ravages on all of us siblings who were in different roles of scapegoat etc I feel that you have captured the true essence. Thank you for your honesty. Love and light to you.

[Rina.J]

I feel lucky and blessed that you didn’t let your social anxiety stop you from making this video! I’m getting so much value from your videos

[naomicanuto]

What i love about these videos apart from the unbiased view, is that i dont feel pressured to buy.