This 7 Second Test Exposes An Avoidants True Feelings For You

I just stumbled across a 7 second test that can expose an avoidants true feelings for you.

Now, here’s the crazy part.

This test is actually backed by science and all it takes is for you to ask one simple question.

[Musicisthelanguageoflove]

They always take a step back just as they seem to be fully opening up. They do move forward a little more each time. But the process is very very slow. And the more they open up the more harsh cruel things they'll say to counteract the higher amount of vulnerability they realise they've shown.

[bundlewade]

This is a long quote but I had to share this from Chris' video because this train of thought stopped me in my tracks. I still don't know why I've accepted this behavior. Ture, I'm not in a romantic relationships but i've accepted things (lies, inconsistencies, not showing up, ghosting) in friendships and it's hurt me to my core. Anyway, I want to let go of that, and believe that it can be better, that I can be treated better---and I have some people in my life that treat me tremendously well.

"​Here's the hard truth: when you make excuses for someone who lies, who doesn't follow through, who constantly keeps you guessing, you're teaching yourself to settle for less than you deserve. And the longer you stay in this dynamic, the harder it is to break free because every excuse that you make just basically reinforces the belief that this is as good as it's going to get, or this is really all you're going to get.
But let me ask you this​: what would happen if​ instead of trying to decode their​ behavior you shifted your focus to how​ ​you feel in this relationship? Do you​ feel safe​? ​Do you feel valued​? ​Do you feel​ like your needs and feelings are just as​ important as theirs​? ​If the answer to​ those questions is ​"no​." then might be time​ to ask yourself an even bigger question​ why am I accepting this treatment as my​ baseline for love​?
​Because here's the​ thing​, someone who loves you will show it​ not just in words but in consistent​ meaningful actions​. And if you're not​ seeing that​, it's not your job to stick​ around and fix them or wait until they​ fix themselves​. ​It's your job to set the​ standard for how you believe you deserve​ to be treated and to stick to that​ standard."
- Chris Seiter

[AngelicaNightingale]

"Does this person consistently show up in a way that feels safe, reliable, and emotionally engaged?"

~ Thank you!

[panthercat]

Most people will talk about their plans and dreams. My avoidant never did.
He would always use words like "will" or "want", and never follow through.
He would say "I want us to grow old together". With no plan on how to make that a reality, and we are in our fifties. Sir... My Good Man... This is happening as we speak... 🧐

[sharnamajor]

I love that you trap us with a video title and then slap us with self reflective truths 😅

[naiyalexic]

It can be especially tricky when someone shows up and is not invested at the same time. If you have to wonder, it might be tine to call it what it is: they do not bring nor want what you bring and want in the relationship. They can be simultaneously amazing *and* not as invested. This is what they do when they value you for certain things. It can be really confusing and ultimately hurt you.

[lisahopkins]

This is so true for me. I am currently having no contact with my dismissive avoidant after he finished it. During the 8 months of seeing him, he would shy away from making any plans at all, saying he didnt want to plan too far in advance. Therefore, we never got to do anything specific together, even a trip away to the Lake District, which I booked well ahead, and he helped me choose the cottage we were going to stay in. Then a week before we went he said he had to work so I went on my own! So many possible day trips away to see things that he said he wanted to see just didn't happen. It was so dreadfully disappointing. 😢

[deborawalker]

This video was very helpful for me to realize that the avoidant I am attached to is a negative pattern I need to change for my highest and best good. Thank you so much, Chris for sharing this information.

[gergialiv]

The timing of this absolutely through the roof. Taking this very seriously now

[tellitlikeitis]

Oh my Gad. Just let them go. They're selfish as f and will drain you.

[Devon-Dix]

YOUR RESPONSE IS WATCHING FOR RELIABLE ACTIONS. Notice how those types dismiss or avoid the actions they’ve yet agreed to in sayings . Lastly, following thru takes actions and effort. From a secure perspective, a lot of insecure types are only good in one area . Being majorly skilled at words but not living up to or maintaining those very same words in actions.THATS MANIPULATING 😂. Leave these people alone they are not worth it!!! DO THE WORK AND FIND SOMEONE SECURE !

[rickhenneberry]

I love your content. I'm older with many less years ahead than behind me. I lived 45 years before I realized I was part of the problem. I've spent 10 years trying to understand myself. I'm not typical. My attachment reflects who I'm with. If someone is more avoidant I become anxious. If someone is anxious I become avoidant. Discovering I alone was the common denominator in every relationship I'm in was the first step in recognizing that change started with me. I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years. We don't live together and she's ok with that.. that's a big ask, but again she has her personal past and it helps her to negotiate her own thoughts. We have open conversations and it's huge. I don't say everything I feel.. this is the real self help part.. and I think it's necessary if you stand from either side of the spectrum. You have to really learn to talk with 3 internal voices about feelings first before you state what hopefully comes out as facts. Your feelings can lie to you.. and the other person's perceived feeling could be simply not a fact.. you have to also play therapist. And ask yourself over and over " how do you know " ?
Only facts can be the answer.. otherwise you cannot allow said thought to live in your head and take your energy. It is hard.. I want to run.. for reasons I can not even explain. Maybe it's age, wisdom.. or lack of desire to chase.. but I can tell you there is no perfect person.. we are not perfect.. you have to see someone who is trying to see the good in you, and see how special they are.. this can not be easy.. The fact I keep coming back to.. where will this perfect person be? The perfect person willing to put up with your imperfections? Sooner or later you have to see your own BS

[linamarie]

I know an avoidant and he is a beautiful man. While I won't push myself to an extent where I sacrifice my core values, I will meet him halfway and allow him to see through actions that he can be who he is unafraid. No words will ever change em. We change and react because of the actions of others. It can take actions to change that back as well.

[EEsYouTubeChanel]

This is so fascinating to me. I have ADHD and anxiety about my future, and my avoidant (who I broke things off with for refusing to make any Valentine's Day plans or give me any positive attention for two weeks straight) constantly made plans for me and him in the future, and it made me feel anxious that I couldn't fulfill them and that he was future-faking with me. My sister is a narcissist and I grew up with that, so future faking is high on my radar and I tend to pay attention to actions exclusively as a result. If you don't follow through with the plans, to me, they do not exist, and never did. I'm not sure if this is normal for a secure person after watching this. It's making me feel like the only reason I tested secure is because I'm a mixture of both avoidant and anxious.

[Loversinadangeroustime]

This is one of your best videos! The infinite vs finite was 💯

[Seabreeze]

You are very knowledgeable and educated. Presented this very very well. I learned something. Thanks

[IanuaDiaboli]

I love this 180 of yours, Chris. Thank you so much for what you do

[Play-All-The-Games]

The game theory explanation blew my top. Such a great way to approach it.

[Joisu]

I did this test and he said many wonderful things... by text. I noticed he did not say these things in person and actions didn't match words. He dumped by text 3 months later

[-._.-KRiS-._.-]

This is probably my favorite relationship advice video of all time. Thank you for making this.