How to Improve Descriptive Writing Mr Salles

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Learn everything you need to write brilliant description.

[therayilahude]

Since English is not my first language, I found your videos very helpful. You explained everything in great details by providing the sample as well. There aren't many videos which dissect the writing style like this one, thank you very much.

[PreetKaur-sfvq]

can you write only 4 paragraphs but with a lot of techniques in order to get a 9 or they wouldn’t be enough!?

[قمرالصحراء]

can you please do a video on this or tell me what grade this is:
Describe the scene at a funfair

The music was loud. So loud. The bass would latch onto my heartbeat and send a thrill across my body. Towering rides stretched to the clouds. Teenagers at the roller coaster screamed with elation ; almost louder than the music.

The horses at the carousel danced to the rhythm. Their smooth skin stuck to me in the blazing heat.

At the center of the funfair was a game of bopping apples and a middle aged woman was leaning over a blue bucket of water. Droplets were glistening on her eyelashes whilst a black trail of mascara drizzled down her soaked skin. The water rippled like miniature waves fading in the bucket. A bright red apple bounced along the surface like a submarine.

Excited children ran in circles near a hotdog stall, screaming out "tag!" One child was laying across the concrete floor with her grazed knees tugged towards her chest. The hushed sound of her cries were swallowed by the tune of laughter and music, making her almost inaudible. She stared at her sore knees as a tear drop trickled down the side of her face.

A group of five teenage girls walked in a line with their arms linked. All of them were holding onto a stick of pink fluffy candyfloss that sparkled beneath the bright blaze. Their fingers were sticky and they walked in a careless, wobbly line towards a group of elderly, who lay in a patch of grass. Their wrinkled skin was a tie-die of red and brown. One of them wore a white pair of shorts and some grey floral Clark's sandals. Her head was buried into the freshly cut grass that was neat and even like the teeth of a comb.

[ManpreetKaur-kggn]

Hello Mr Salles, I find your videos very helpful its helping me a lot with my descriptive writing. Thanks!!

[maxwellganonia]

Can you combine the creative writing with the description of question 5 paper 1? So if it were about the picture of a train could you make a story based on that picture with descriptive writing?

[tapuwachitiga]

as a high grade student, can you interlink language form and structure to make your argument more fluid or is it safer/easier to garuntee it'll be recognised if you seperate the 3. Thanks

[skam]

In your language guide at question 5 the planning part what do you mean by write words that give sound?Do you mean onomatopoeia or just the noun of where the sound comes from?

[meerkatking]

Hello there Mr Salles. I need help with the description and story. I tend to write a decent 200-300 words but after that I run out of ideas. Any tips to improve my ideas and writing?

[loveen]

Sir, if a picture comes up on something other than a storm (any other picture), can use my description of a storm and try and link it to the photo? will the examiner still mark my work?

[tombadibooz]

Can you please do a video on analysing the book 'Tempest'

[ayme]

How many words would I have to write for a grade 9?

[destined]

Is there a website where there is good descriptive writong examples or essays etc fpr inspiration?

[ollyhill]

Hi, how many paragraphs would i need to get a grade 7 with a similar paragraph?

[kon]

The train is not the only thing that has been derailed:


1. What is the main message of the whole description? ONLY ONE sentence devoted to human causalities??? The non-human casualties, like trees, tables, cabinets, belongings seem to attract a lot more attention. Maybe it is a type of black humour: let's ignore the fact that lots of people died; who would like to read it in, for example, a local newspaper? In fact, people seem to be treated here as a relatively insignificant part of the train interior.


2. Going back to human causalities, there might have been more dead people in the forest, as it says that the forest was crowded. It appears that not only trees might have been smacked, torn apart and knocked down, but people too. A very ambiguous use of a metaphor. How about a thick/ dense forest?


3. "a woody forest" = buttery butter, watery water, salty salt, etc. Can you imagine a forest with no wood? How about a woody hill/park?


4. As a result of an awkward personification, we are looking at the TRAIN IS A TERRORIST metaphor: the train appears to have a mind of its own: it intends to JUMP and knock as many trees/people in the forest as it CAN. It is further reinforced with a battlefield metaphor. Why not use a DERAILED TRAIN is an AXE/ CHAINSAW metaphor instead? An axe is a mindless tool.


5. The whole metaphorical imagery lack unity: it starts with a DERAILED TRAIN IS A TERRORIST metaphor, then the DERAILED TRAIN becomes a RATTLE SHAKEN BY A BABY(i.e. a young child), and finally the TRAIN ends up as a BATTLEFIELD. We have three, very different metaphors. It is better to stick to one.


6. The final 3 lines are a bit funny: it looks like the belongings, together with some trees and branches, were the only survivors as they were able to make their way through the windows. :)))


It really surprises me that English teachers keep highlighting/ticking words and language features but rarely read for meaning. The student shows promise: some nice vocabulary and language devices but, all in all, his text not only lacks a clear message, but it contains messages which could be inhumane and even offensive. This is a very strange choice of model descriptive writing.

[saff]

ghost-quiet, the frosty air howled past madeleines ear, frosting the tips as it brushed past. travelling down her arm, the air encased her hand in an ice-cold, invisible blanket.
splinters stuck out from under the pressure supplied by madeleines bitter cold hands; her grasp on the wooden beam tightening.
behind her, the burbling of waves became unsettlingly quiet as they drifted away, revealing the fear she had enclosed within her.
her eyes lead her gaze to her left, where thomas and the rest were perched on blocky boxes. they, too, sat there, solitary like prisoners. she wanted -with all her will- to speak. she needed to ask the question. the question bugging her mind.
but soon enough she came to realise, the cloud of the sky had somehow blocked her mouth closed; as if it were a passenger bag zipped shut. plastered to her brain, the question still weighed on her mind. the question was a weight of water drowning her sanity. sanity slipped.
“can we go back?” the voice was weak and weird; sounding like the first words of a newborn babe. the struggle behind it was too obvious. but it was not her voice.
pupils dilating, mouth creaking open, heart pounding, she was astonished that her question had, all this time, been shared. speckled puddles of pink appeared on her cheeks, and the corner of her mouth rose up as if being pulled by a fishing rod.
this happiness was not long-term, though. the glares and sniggers of thomas and the others punched at her happiness. she knew she and the other girl had cocked up. her brain became wobbly. her pupils closed in.
she ignored the flock of emotions in her head, and asserted her gaze forward. parrallel with the ocean-as straight as she could. the pink puddles turned to streaks of red, branded into her cheeks. embarrassment and shame overpowered the bitter-cold, and was now the only thing embracing her.

[ayshaakli]

I think I cheated
I saw this paper the day before the exam
And guess what got the same pic and remember what u wrote and copied
Got full mark
Lol😂😂😂😂😂😂