Things I wish I didn't buy as a foster parent

Here are some things I dont love - what do you think? 😅🤷‍♀️

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[Janne_Mai]

It's okay to write kids' books about dogs or dragons, but then the entire family has to be dogs or dragons, in my opinion. This feels very alienating. "You're fundamentally different from us" is not a good message.

[Mehk]

I LOVE how you don’t tolerate comparing animals and creatures to foster children. Some people might argue that it’s supposed to be “cute” and that your criticism is overthinking, but it’s not true. These types of stories affect out perceptions of foster kids without realizing it and portray them as strange or even “outsiders”. Making the rest of the family humans made it so much worse.

[juliapearl]

The invisible string is a great book for foster children. It shows that love is present even when a parent, friend, etc isn’t physically present. Could apply to foster parents if the child goes home too to help with attachment

[lottedunnell]

Thank you for considering reunification. It is often so overlooked as so many mothers out here who have their child adopted against their will.

[hubcapthecat]

My biggest complaint with foster care books is that most of them end in adoption (or a vague "forever"). It ends up with a very confusing message, especially for those like one of my current children, who are already convinced parents are lying about everything related to reunification and trying to get the kids back.

[YukiSorrelwood]

For bento boxes, get the traditional style ones, with a lid that fits over the top. That is the main style of lid in Japan, even back 20 years ago when I was in Japan. To keep food fresh, well there is no magic box. Each fruit and vegetable have their own rules about how to keep them. Buying less ripe can help you extend your fruits. It's slowly starting to catch on to package bananas with 7 different levels of ripeness. It's so that each day you will have a banana that is ripe. If you have a couple of mouths to feed every morning, buying bunches of bananas with different ripeness can do the job without any spoiling (who am I kidding it's for banana bread and muffins)

[zacgallenlover]

My mom regretted stocking up on things you wouldn’t think are personal (pillows and bedding, rugs, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, night lights, and especially anything used by kids 12+) in “generic” form because she said it gave her too much of a “group home” energy 😅. Also sometimes kids get very upset if you try to say something like “this new pillow is better”. Also— Tupperware and meal prep supplies! Just wasn’t our thing.

[TEESHAMARIE]

I used to teach foster parenting classes due to my experience with aging out of care. I agree that Murphy's three homes is not the best book and does closely compare fostering with adopting a new dog.

The Invisible String is a great book. I would reccomend this book all the time and created an activity for the children in our childcare room to have this book read and have them make their own page with all their important connections connected by a string of yarn. Pets included since many children don't only lose their parents, but their pets as well.

[ILuvAyeAye]

Probably similar to a sock bin, but I have heard that putting a heavy duty mesh wash bag in each room for socks, and then washing and drying everyone's socks in their own bag can be helpful if you're trying to keep the socks separate (like not confuse one child's socks with the others). 

I know you really emphasize everything a foster child owns going back home with them, I think that could make it easier for foster parents who also have bio children with similar foot sizes.

[OhSkyeLanta]

I think you’re 100% in the right about the books. It reminds me a lot of how people used to think orphans had somehow deserved or earned their lot in life, that they were just these “others” who were naturally meant for a worse life. Basically, if you want a kid to grow up feeling included, don’t start off with “you’re just a completely different species from the people who “love” you!”

[ggmarzipahn]

I wish there was a book about aging out of the system. A lot of laws were implemented right after I got out of foster care. That helped me the transition a little bit easier in California, but I don't think they applied. All states like being able to go to college but still live with your foster parent, or like the questions to ask your social worker like? Hey can I get a job? How do I get a license? What can I do to learn to drive? What does it take to be a normal functioning member of society? type of questions.

I mean like just searching for a dentist right now is causing me too much anxiety. I can't. I haven't been to the dentist in years.... But I pay for dental insurance 😅

[leahhatcher]

i dont think youre too picky about books! I think its super smart and is a great way to look out for your foster kids!

[yfgfbpi]

If the foster books were like a dog family fostering a dog or a chicken family fostering a dragon, I could see it working better - differences are ok, but don’t have the foster kid be the only non human, it literally dehumanizes them even if it’s intended to be cute. Actually dogs fostering different breeds of dogs from them would kind of be perfect - like maybe the family after border collies or chihuahuas and the foster dog (kid) is a drastically different type of dog with different beds due to size, history, personality, etc and the dogs have to work out how different experiences and personalities require different workarounds but ultimately the dog family just wants to help their new pup, whatever the end goal for the pup (reunification, adoption, etc)

BRB off to write a series of children’s book about a chihuahua and a border collie who take in a labradoodle. I’m imagining a book on how different coats she’d different and require different care (cultural, familial, etc hair dynamics since that’s a big thing that often gets treated as small in fostering and different hair textures and styling play well into differences between dog fur and dog hair and short vs long hair/fur), a book about fears visiting a new vet, a book on fears about doggy school, a book on missing mom or dad and maybe visiting them at the park…

[Literallyarealhuman]

Your opinion is spot on. It’s surprising how much emotional maturity it takes to understand that some children don’t want to be adopted into your family and to not talk about them like they’re a pet. ❤❤❤

[oliviaolivia]

you are right about the books that’s so obvious. The comparison to pets is so strong. You are the expert!

[Cluuur]

As a New Zealander, I am very happy to see that the Sistema made in NZ lunchbox works for you! 😂 Also I have that lunchbox myself and it is great 👍👍

[thefamilyname]

Thank you for supporting reunification with parents! A lot of the time it felt like our social worker didnt and wanted nothing more then to keep us away from our parents

[brazilianseac]

The rubbermaid produce keeper with the white and green lid I found on Amazon actually do work! I have tried a number of "keep fresh" containers, and those are the ones I have found so far that actually do the best to extend my veggies shelflife.

[Kim-bpkb]

I absolutely agree with your opinion on the books and dont think you are being too picky. I feel like foster children are already feeling like they are intruding in a home, or dont quite fit. Comparing them to dogs or monsters is definitely not going to help that.

I love that you pay attention to these types of things because it's part of what makes your home a safe place. 👍

[TwistedGlitter]

Rather than clips, I use laundry bags. Small to medium sized ones are great for socks!