Truth about how daycare affects children's development || Motherhood In Progress

BONUS CONTENT ||

TIME STAMPS
00:00 - intro
02:40 - the problem of socialization
06:19 - Brooklinen
08:00 - the problem of stress
12:41 - the problem of behavior
17:02 - age & hours of operation
19:26 - the quality of daycare
23:12 - working moms
28:50 - what can we do
30:28 - final thoughts

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My name is ashley, if you didn't know ;)

#daycare #workingmoms #thespilloverpodcast #videoessay #commentary #motherhoodinprogress

[finabear]

I worked at a daycare and the babies literally stop crying like 5 minutes after the parents leave. I have seen what routine can do for kids, how they thrive and learn to work together and correct each other, to live in an ecosystem with their peers. I also see kids who never went to daycare at 3-5 years old who can't communicate or behave in the way that the 1 and 2 year olds in my classes could. They don't think their parents died, I literally just tell them mommy and daddy are at work and will be back to pick them up and they say okay and keep playing. I WILL say that daycares that are understaffed are not safe for kids. I will say that parents who think they can drop their kids off and the teacher will potty train them or teach them life skills- no, we won't. I don't have time when I am juggling 14 toddlers. I am just trying to keep them from killing themselves or each other. We will teach them routine, we will teach them how to get along with others, we will show them care and kindness. They are not traumatized, I promise you they spend all day having fun and playing and talking about how they love their mommy and daddy.

[dorino]

not every Mum can work from home, not every husband and wife can start a business. Also the dad can stay at home with the kids. People need to stop putting it on the mum to quit her job and financial independence. The dad can quit his job and stay at home with the kids. We should improve the daycare system to make it high-quality so women who want to work like female doctors who want to save lives can do so not just a men.

[Tonithealtwing]

I think people claiming that having a stay-at-home parent is better for a child 100% of the time are missing a key talking point; parents can suck, too.
Obviously, I think most of the mothers talking about their personal experiences are trying to do the best by their child, but not all parents have as pure of intentions.
For the entire time she was in my life, my mother stayed at home with me and my brother, through school breaks, summer vacation, whatever. But, she was neglectful to the point of abuse. We’d go without food, we couldn’t leave the house to see friends, she never came out of her room. We were left to fend for ourselves, basically. I practically raised my brother, at least until our father finally stepped in.
Being a stay at home parent is great for a lot of parents and their children, and daycare can cause issues for many children. But stay-at-home parents can cause just as much harm, and you have to recognize that before pedaling them as the golden standard.
I haven’t finished the video yet, so I might edit this comment if necessary. I’m not disagreeing with anything said in the video, just adding on.

[evelynsenyi]

I wish we could have a system that both supported women who want to work through affordable child care AND women who want to stay at home with their children. We should have the freedom of choice and children should be seen as our most valuable assets that need to be cared for and nurtured.

[mommybreakdown]

If you are watching this, you are likely a great parent and doing your best. We can’t choose the cards we have, but we can play the best game we can with them. ❤

[tessmoffett]

I appreciated your rant against governments (hello, US) that don’t take care of their women and children by providing ADEQUATE, FEDERALLY MANDATED maternity leave for at least a year. It’s disgusting how greedy the US is and how mothers get blamed for the impossible situations they are put in as a result.

[Hermeown]

As an American mom... it doesn't matter whether daycare is good or not. In a country that requires dual-income (or one very high salary) to survive, where even poor childcare can cost more than a mortgage, where families or mommy friends aren't always able to help -- daycare is the most affordable and accessible. No amount of pressure on politicians is going to change things significantly any time soon. So I don't care if it's a psychologist or an influencer, it doesn't serve any parent to shame them for what is often the only option if they want to continue to provide for their child.

Besides, I think the research is always going to be inconclusive. A child's development and wellbeing is endlessly variable, how can any study conclusively determine the efficacy of daycare? There are so many contributing factors, it seems ridiculous to even try to draw any hard conclusions.

The only one that might be accurate is that those who can afford the best childcare are probably most likely to have the best outcome. To no surprise.

[xpansivetaste]

My first time working at a daycare, I was 19 and had no previous experience yet was hired on the spot. On my first day, they placed me to be in charge of the 2 year old classroom by myself and was simply told "keep them busy, read a book" with no direct training. The teacher of the 3 year old classroom was told to help me out with the basics. But all that meant was the teacher would peek between doors to tell me when it was time to do bathroom checks and go to the playground while she was busy trying to manage her own classroom. It was an absolute mess. I went weeks not knowing which kid belonged to which parents, not knowing I was supposed to bleach the changing table between changes, not knowing where supplies were, not knowing what activities I was expected to lead, etc.
It was even worse when the the class size suddenly tripled and some of the kids had problem behaviors that were hard to manage with such high ratios. I'm generally soft spoken and very patient but even in those conditions I snapped a couple times and found myself screaming in the faces of little two year olds. (This daycare is no longer operating btw)

All of this to say, the quality and organization of a daycare must be considered. I've worked at another daycare that was wonderful but they were high in demand, the waitlist was long, and were definitely priced higher.

[mapgirl]

I think comparing staying at home to daycare isn't the only comparison needed to weigh up the decision. Even if daycare is worse for a child's development Vs staying at home, the question then becomes, is that negative effect greater than the negative effect of loss of family income? The evidence on daycare is mixed, but the link between educational and health outcomes with income brackets is well documented. Maybe daycare will have a small detrimental impact on a child, but I doubt it is as bad as the impact of living in poverty, or on a struggling household income.

[triciachisnall]

I feel as though this topic has sooo many variables it’s impossible to just say “don’t place your child in daycare.” The daycare matters, the child matters, the parents matter.

If a parent is happy and able to stay home then good for them. If a parent wishes to return to work and has good care for their child then also good. This beats the alternative of a resentful parent staying home all day and possibly creating larger damage to their child with the effects of burnout and anger.

Everyone on here crucifying parents for either staying home or sending children to daycare should take a step back. This issue is far too nuanced to have a hard stance either way.

[hannahpaetz]

Im from scandinavia, specifically Norway. My daughter started daycare when she was 15 months old, after my maternity leave. We have a very nice daycare. There are only 15 kids in the group with 5 adults, 2 of whom are university graduates specializing in children of that specific age group. It's even government-subsidized. I think its how the government supports the family with kids and provide standards for daycare.

[jmsl_]

i hate that it all falls on the mom. no one should be shamed & the idea that dad's have no skin in the game is absurd. it's so 1950's

[Shuang_Shuang]

I put my son in daycare when he was 12 months - 4 days before his first birthday. I had to return to my job and my studies. HE. LOVES. IT! The beginning was difficult, but we started slow with a few hours per day and built up to 6-7 hours per day. I drop him off at 8:45, they eat a snack and sing songs, then they play outside, he has lunch and a long nap, then he plays more and I pick him up. After the summer break I'm increasing it to 7-8 hours per day. When I drop him off he waves and runs into the room with the others and when I pick him up in the afternoon, we have to do a whole goodbye tour so he can wave to or hug his favourite pedagogs 😂❤ Like a celebrity leaving a gig. Has has been going there for half a year, and he has grown so much! It's good for his language development, he spends hours and hours outside, he learns new skills. I realise not all daycares are the same, but if these mom's can spread their negative anecdotes, I'll spread my positive one 😊

[thecommentmonster]

So much of this links back to quality of the daycare. Almost like we need to value and pay these workers well, which means the government kicking in so that poor kids are not stuck in centers with overworked, overstretched workers just because that’s all their parents can afford. This is what’s best for children. Children’s outcomes should not be hampered by their parents’ circumstances.

[vitaactiva_official]

What a strange discussion to people from central Europe. I mean, there are a lot of people who don‘t want to give there toddlers into daycare because they say „why do I have kids, when others are raising them?“ and I think, if you garantee a paid parental leave as a state a lot of the parents prefere caring for their babies instead of giving them to day care. But still, most of us European citizens went to childcare as our parents did. and we got it in good memory and don‘t all seem to be generations of weirdos uncapable of relationships

[drzeworyj]

not sending a child to daycare is a privilege in today's economy. I won't take smug advice from Mikhaila Peterson, who lives off her father's fame and has a 24 h live-in rota nanny (at least she is honest about it, though).

[juliaperri]

tbh I think the reason you can’t find an answer on this is because it has more to do with the person individually and a myriad of other factors that would determine how they turn out as an adult, you can’t just blame it all on daycare or not having daycare

[ZuzanaWarren]

I love your video essays but this one was hard to watch. I am a working mom and have one child in childcare. He has been in a home based child care since the age of 1 and is 3.5 now. I see both sides of this equation. I don’t think by any means newborn babies should be going to daycare facilities. It breaks my heart for USA moms that get barely any parental leave. I am thankful as a Canadian to get 12-18 months of job protected leave. A home based daycare worked well for us because we really trusted the provider and she only had 3 kids in full day care and 3 other just for after school care. My child received quality attention this way . I felt childcare for my son has been really good. He was born during the peak of the pandemic. I have noticed huge difference in him and his social skills because of childcare. I really think quality childcare is the key. Daycare centres scared me and the constant staff turnover. The other side of this is I don’t think asking women to stay home give up their careers is the right answer. I think women that are solely dependent on their husbands creates a different risk. You have women staying in unhappy marriages and don’t have a way out because they rely on their husbands. I am sure there are studies that show children being exposed to parents unhappy marriage has a negative effect too. Also for some being a stay at home mom doesn’t fill their cup. I am one of those women. I love having a career of my own. I just think if someone wants to be a stay at home mom that’s wonderful but if someone wants to be a working mom that’s wonderful too. There should be quality childcare available. Moms are judged too much this day and age. No matter how you do it someone will have an opinion.

[caityponn]

I don’t think this is a new take. As a former daycare teacher, current public school teacher and daycare mom, I feel “Daycare is bad” is the only take I ever see. It makes me feel horrible because it’s not a financial option for me to stay home. At the same time, it’s silly that I feel horrible because my 1yo son loves daycare and gets so bored at home with just me. I just had the summer off with him and while I love spending time with my child (he is my favorite person in the world), summer solidified that we all function better with me as a working mom. I’m sick of the doom and gloom daycare narrative.

[Amanda-bbwq]

It takes a village, and kindy/daycare is a part of your village that you deserve to use.