How to Feel More Connected – A Solution To Loneliness

This video talks about how to develop a deeper connection with people. This is something that is very important during this pandemic when we have less physical contact with people. Not only do we have less contact, but contact is the mechanism by which we spread the disease. This sends the subliminal message that people are scary and should be avoided.

One of the remedies to feeling disconnected is to deepen the level of your conversation. In this video, I talk about creating a conversation menu of questions that help you go transition from casual questions to more revealing questions.

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[blindedpearl]

I am lonely. I stay in my room almost all day. and yes I can talk and respond to someone, but sometimes I zone off into a different world and I forget what they are even talking about.

[trejea]

Thanks Dr Tracey! I have felt lonely and disconnected from people all my life. I’m 58; I grew up in a home where we didn’t have conversations or express feelings. It has affected all my relationships and my feelings about myself. I’ve always wondered how others make and maintain close relationships. I’ve gone to many counselors but none have ever suggested anything like this. Please talk more about how to overcome childhood emotional neglect.

[RaverKid]

I feel like it’s so hard finding others willing to ask those questions back. I’m down to learn a lot about people but it seems like there isn’t many looking to learn about anyone else in return.

[Angeline]

Conversation is great but what really helps loneliness and disconnection is lots of shared activities, having people to live our lives together with, casual side by side interaction that happens by default, which is very hard to find in these times.

[dolamara]

I really appreciate you making these videos teaching interpersonal skills. I'm a very withdrawn person, and while I want to make connections with other people, it's usually very difficult for me.

[pillowbugg]

No family and no friends...yearning for human contact. Going to the store, just to make contact with the cashier. So pathetic.

[scottdaniels]

I feel alone at times even in a room full of people. I guess that's part of disconnection.

[shenni]

This video is super helpful but in reality it’s hard to connect with people asking those kind of deep questions. People will think that you are nosey or that you talk too much. And even if they do honestly engage, some people will use the information against you even people you thought you could trust. There’s a certain level of vulnerability when trying to get past shallow connections and because of this we end up being afraid to talk to people hence being lonely. I guess in some way loneliness is what happens when we try to protect ourselves from mean people.

[dailydoseofmedicinee]

having a personal conversation about what is important to you with someone and feeling listened to and understood. taking the time to listen to someone else and feeling real empathy for them. helping someone else out of unconditional goodwill. offering sincere gratitude to another and receiving gratitude from others.👍

[grelyelo]

May have to come back to this video and take notes. I'm autistic and I don't understand how people can have in depth conversations with each other. This video really helps as a flowchart to improve my conversations. I might try this with my friends.

[Tubeytime]

Someone: "How do you feel your parents failed you as a child?"
Me: "How much time you got?"

[sreenivasg]

Infact loneliness is a situation most of us encounter during our life time, but it's a phase at which we carry out an introspection within us. Shed negative traits and move on with positivity. Of course this requires tremendous confidence and courage to move on. Never look back

[mckav]

Hi Dr. Marks. I'm on medication for depression & anxiety & struggle every day. This is so true. I wish i could adopt these suggestions but i literally have no friends & no family in my life the only contact i have is going through the checkout, its been this way for years - im not saying 'oh woe is me' & im not feeling sorry for myself. it is the way it is for me but it can be overbearing. ill keep watching youre helpful clips. Thankyou

[nettiea]

I think its hard to find a community in which to belong cuz people are not trustworthy in my world. I had a very isolated childhood and it made adulthood extremely difficult.

[RtsFps]

I needed this so much. In fact I need more of it. I have so many shallow conversations due to my inability to socialize well. Often I feel like I'm boring and lack human connection.

[meemo]

This is a great video! I really appreciate your idea of starting with very light questions that can go deeper. "What was the highlight of your week?" is much better than "How was your week?" but I wouldn't have thought to ask it that way. I also like the phrase "listen with curiosity." That gives me a better idea of how to follow up, versus "ask follow up questions" which can sometimes just feel like I'm interrogating someone.

[shamiwhitcomb]

This came at such a perfect time. Been feeling so lonely lately. I'm single at 35, never really had a long term serious relationship, I have like 2 friends and work colleagues who I talk to, but I spend so much of my time by myself. I thought I was happy like that but I've been very depressed about it. I know I should just go and try and put myself out there but I find it so hard to open up. These are some good ideas to make a connection and if I get the chance I'll use them.

[bkpla]

I've recently realized that because of childhood traumas, I often disassociate, way more than I ever realized.
And now I see how that's hurt my social life.
I do ask all the right questions and appropriate follow up questions, but I then often disassociate when they answer, in other words, I space out and don't fully hear or remember what they said.
I'll remember at the time, enough to make a follow up question, but disassociation messes with your long term memory storage. The details of the conversation will be lost to me. So the next time we talk, they are understandably upset by my not remembering much of anything about them.
I've lost potential friends from this. I feel like wearing a sign at parties, " I will forget your details, It's not personal!"

[somethingforyou]

spot on. My loneliness has been heightening these weeks

[bethelshiloh]

Communication during this volatile political atmosphere also makes socializing even more challenging. Even with our own family that we see in person has been off putting. So, I prefer to connect with people that I share core values.