Should you care what your parents think?

Dig into the Romeo and Juliet Effect, which describes the tendency to find someone more desirable when met by parental opposition.

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In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado surveyed 140 couples to determine whether a relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure. Can long-term success of a romantic relationship be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple’s friends and family? Dig into the trend known as the Romeo and Juliet Effect.

Directed by Maryna Buchynska, and action creative agency.

This video made possible in collaboration with Character Lab

A special thanks to H. Colleen Sinclair and Diane Felmlee who provided information and insights for the development of this video.

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[kelebogilemakhudu]

It's not that I want to rebel, I just want the option of saying no.

[medusagorgon]

It depends on the reason. Some people are actually capable of feeling out a person accurately on sight. If my parent could do this, and explained to me what they were seeing in someone I was interested in, I would definitely consider it. But if the reason was based on personal prejudices or racism absolutely not.

[mildlycornfield]

I think this topic is more complicated than it's being presented as. As much as parents, friends, etc., can object to a romantic partner for petty reasons, they're also (assuming you have a good relationship with them) trusted outsiders to the relationship who are more likely to spot potential red flags before you from within the relationship.

[animefallenangel]

My mother fought against my marriage, but she had her own motives based in racism and personal pride, so I disregarded her opinions on my relationship. My dad on the other hand said as long as I was happy and treated right, he didn't mind my husband.

[Entropic_Alloy]

People disapprove of romantic partners because they can usually see something you cannot, because of your proximity to the partner. So instead of throwing a tantrum, like an infant, it is worth a little introspection into the relationship and discern if you can see what they are seeing.

[DianeKovacs]

I took almost all my Mom's advice. Never my Dad's. Mom was wise. Dad was opinionated. I always respect my dogs' opinions. My Mom and my dog loved my husband on sight. My Dad disapproved. We have been married 38 years now and all our dogs have approved. 😀

[katewarner]

In a healthy, functional family the parents don't try to tell their kids who they can or can't love. They teach their kids healthy relationship skills and then accept their choices, are supportive, and try hard to build and maintain the type of mutually respectful relationship with their kids where the kids feel comfortable talking to the parents as consultants if/when the kids have concerns and issues they aren’t sure how to navigate on their own as well as be willing to listen if the parents think they might see red flags and point them out.

[allhui]

It depends
If your parents never treated you well, you probably wont want to be acepted by them
If they always cared for you and never make you feel like you didnt deserve it, then you would shurely hurt when they say "im dissapointed"

[mrboombastic_]

Imagine being told not to date, as if you would be able to 💀💀💀

[akshaybodla]

This animation is so lively and cute! I had to rewind four or five times. I kept looking at the details and movement😂 also that deer goat thing is adorable

[maeannengo]

I always ask why when told not to do things. You have to explain why so I would understand your POV and reasoning

[lucybee]

I think it’s possible for loved ones to raise suspicions about a significant other without outright telling you not to pursue them.
A conversation rather than a command would probably be better received in any circumstance.

[thetrison]

I think I'm the independent reactance type. Thanks, Ted Ed, for teaching me something I didn't know existed, yet explains so much of how my mind works.

[anibabayan]

I've always been interested in the subject of how much our parents' perspectives should go into our decisions and how much of an impact they should have on our lives. It's important for us to trust ourselves and make decisions that are best for us, and the speaker makes a great point about how our parents might not always comprehend our diverse experiences and viewpoints. After all, parents usually compare our lives to those they led when they were younger, but because times are always changing, our experiences cannot be compared. Although we should always be honest and open with our parents, we should never allow them make decisions for ourselves.

[msops]

Has anyone experienced the opposite? Losing attraction for someone/something after receiving approval from those around you?

[acedannysonnedevera]

A food for thought. Another reason, I think, why the "love" increases in presence of dissapproval is that the couple now shares more common struggle. Having some sort of the same "villain" makes them understand more one another as they discuss their feelings toward their antagonist.

[ossie]

Through trial and error I have learnt a looong time ago that when your friends and family say that you should stop seeing someone, you should most probably follow their advice. Or at least take it very seriously.

It would've saved me a lot of headache and heartbreak if had done so 🤣

[Bethelaine]

In high school I watched this play out, at first the couple stiffened their resolve. As time passed one partner got more emotional and started talking about running away and other extreme actions, the other partner became frightened and “accidentally” left a letter in the open for a parent to find. Opposition to the relationship wasn’t the main problem, it was instability, Romeo and Juliet may have provided a template for one of the people

[knn]

Pretty much you could only decide whom to date and what not, if you have an income and a job, have your own place and don't depend on your parents anymore. But if you are dependent and still with your parents, pretty much, they can be a factor to your life.

[Liusila]

The Romeo & Juliet effect isn’t about the disapproval of one’s parents, more about generally not being able to be together for whatever perceived strong reason. I experienced it this year even well aware of the phenomenon, but it had nothing to do with our parents - actually everyone was giving their full blessing!