REALLY BAD ANALOGIES WRITTEN BY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS

REALLY BAD ANALOGIES WRITTEN BY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS - Vanegood

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[igracsimon]

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." is fucking genius

[mrsmartypants]

"His face looked as if a man and a woman had a baby" is still my favourite of all time

[Funhaus_Frk]

unironically I'd read an entire book written like this

[chiliwithonel]

Friendly reminder that these were submissions to a bad analogy contest in the Washington Post and are deliberately humorous

[under_cal]

“they were like two hummingbirds that also hadnt met” 😭

[augustday]

Number 9 is brilliant and I'll die on that hill, like one of those soldiers that fought at the Battle of Bunker Hill and died.

[BurningWill_IV]

The vocabulary one was actually perfect.

[StarKnight]

Analogies are supposed to be immediately understandable. With that logic all of these are peak

[battlesheep]

The "tall as a 6'3" tree" line sounds like something you'd see in a Douglass Adams novel

[joshuasgameplays]

You missed the last three, which are as follows:

13. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

14. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

15. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

[AssortedMold]

number 4 is actually a good one, horrifies me every time jeopardy comes on 30 minutes too early

[Lratiobozo]

I love people who write analogies like that. Makes it more fun to read too.

[iSmartMan]

The one my teacher gave us included "He fell 10 stories and hit the pavement like a paper bag full of vegetable soup."

[rhyno]

This is just the inner monologue of a film noir detective. I could do for an entire movie of just this

[pIayer_gasa]

1:43 as a professional lamp enthusiast with exactly 281 lamps, I can confirm that _is_ what lamps usually do in their spare time!

[giovannicalegari]

What do you mean "really bad", these analogies are perfect

[sowpmactavish]

All of this rang inside my head, like a bell inside a head

[jamesserrano]

A lot of these would be great in a Douglas Adams style comedy.

"The ships flew in the same way that bricks don't" would fit right in line with a lot of these.

[GachaChosen]

number 9 is perfect if you read the last part in that vapid mean girl kinda accent

you know the one

[Potkanka]

I love the lame duck one, the land mine catches you off guard with how funny and extreme it is, and depending on who's the narrator (or the POV character) it could work really well.