Why He’s Not Giving You the Respect You Deserve

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Wondering why the guy you’re seeing doesn’t seem to respect you? You might be surprised by the reason . . .

If your tendency is toward anxiety, you’ll go to great lengths just to restore the peace and get things “back to normal” as quickly as possible.

This often includes the compulsion to say “sorry” even when something’s not your fault.

The danger with this is that when we make it clear to someone that we’ll do anything to avoid difficult conversations, it becomes easy for them to take us for granted . . .

If any of this sounds familiar, you will not want to miss the 3 tips I share in today’s video. Not only will you learn how to honor your own needs and boundaries, but you’ll also raise your value in the process. What’s more, you’ll do so by actually living your life rather than simply existing in a state of perpetual people pleasing and anxiety.

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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 0:53 – Saying ‘Sorry’ to Keep the Peace
0:53 – 2:11 – When Tension = Anxiety
2:11 – 3:40 – When Apologizing Is a Good Thing
3:40 – 4:37 – What to Do the Next Time You Feel This Tension
4:37 – 5:50 – Tip #1: Have a Breaker Switch
5:50 – 7:32 – Tip #2: When the Relationship Doesn’t Meet Your Standards
7:32 – 9:22 – Tip #3: Anxiety Pressure Valves
Chapter 8) 9:22 – 11:41 – Choosing Peace Over Appeasement

[carmenkamberos]

“The older I get the more I realize the importance of walking away from people and situations which threaten my peace of mind, self respect, values and self worth.”

[v.m.]

I’m adding this to my notes:
The only appropriate way to test a romantic partner:
“Speak up about what’s important to me, and to see whether the relationship can handle it.”
- Matthew Hussey

[sadiaali]

Yup. Don’t stay in a relationship because you think it will get better eventually. Know your worth and move on ❤

[Blueehour]

"Their effort reflects their interest" is something i have in the back of my head, hope it can be helpful to somone❤️

[MarinaAlbigiante]

I wish I could have had access to content like this earlier in my life, at a younger age. People with anxiety disorders have expressive difficulties in relationships and are much easier to be manipulated by their partners. I appreciate you for helping people with this content.

[PeaceDayCortez]

You described my relationship of the last 2 years. After he yelled at me and hung up on me. I flipped that switch and went no contact. He blew up when I wanted to talk to him about something he did. I got tired of every thing becoming a fight over the smallest things that I wanted to talk about. As hard as it was to walk away it's the best thing I did for my mental and emotional health. I couldn't imagine living my life that way for the rest of my life.

[athenaharris]

I just took a bunch of your suggestions of what to say, and said them to this man who never respected me. I carried a torch for him for almost 4 yrs. Thank you for helping me. He’s frozen me out. Haha! Oh well. Thank you, Matt for helping me! I stood up for myself. Told him I deserve someone 100% into me. I told him he needed to go figure out how to treat a woman. Had enough of his blockings, ignoring me, lies… I told him he disappears and that just becomes boring. I feel totally in control of my life and love life and happy. I can’t thank you enough!!!🎉❤

[genomeara]

I’m 67 years old and this has been such a pattern in my two long relationships, ultimately leading to the end of both. I’d love to meet someone again and this video is just what I need! Perfect timing, thanks Matthew! 🥰

[adjustmentbureau]

To be able to hear and watch this after two months from walking away on someone that I told myself I can lose this person, I've survived it before and I will be okay, brings me so much joy and contentment.

This is a reminder that I did what is best for me and accepted that I will never find peace in a relationship where I have to lower my standards and ignore my non negotiables/boundaries just because someone does not want to step up.

I may not be fully healed yet from the hurt but it gives me so much peace to know that every day Im moving one step further from that pain and gaining one step closer to being whole again. Bliss!

[janegifkins]

Never be afraid to lose someone who doesn't respect you ...

[oksanamorozova]

Thank you Matthew!
You are literally pulling our feelings from the darkness of self-doubts under the daylight of reality and common sense .
We should stop being “convenient girls” for our partners and remember that
“ I am #1 priority in my life “.
And it’s not selfishness, it is self respect.
If I don’t respect myself, no one will respect me . The rule of Universe .

[clairmoreau]

"You don't have a relationship- you have an emotional hostage situation." Too true! I laughed soooo hard!!!

[veronicahardy]

Just went through a breakup where I left because he wasn't respecting my boundaries and meeting me halfway in the relationship after 6 years together, 1 of them engaged. This video hit the nail on the head. Thank you. It reassured me that despite loving him more than I thought possible, leaving was the right thing to do for myself.

[mariejoyceacorda]

This is so right.. 👏🏻 You know you're in the right relationship when you feel safe stating about your boundaries and sticking with them and your partner is willing to have the hard conversations to make the relationship better.. You will see and feel his effort that you dont have to question it.. Nobody's perfect, i think if both partners are trying to improve themselves, things always get better.. and you will both feel loved and secured❤️❤️❤️

[maryam]

I was crying last night because of this .. then i got this notification for this video

[Whoeverwhateverwhenever]

I think guys do this a lot. They apologise, eventhough they don't understand what they have done, to keep peace.

[laurened]

Learning to walk away and to truly let go is a skill everyone should be taught at a young age to avoid ongoing depression as an adult.

[yude]

That is what I should promise myself. I need to let someone go if I am risking my peace of mind. Never being scared of being alone because it is better to be alone than being in a toxic relationship

[michelleg]

Hello Matthew, Stephen, and team! I hope one day to meet you or hear from you so I can say thank you directly to you. You are giving more than hope for people to live their best life. You are giving us the tools to do so! Much love always.

I nearly burst into tears watching this video because every word was spot on. NEVER in my 50 + years on this planet has anyone ever understood, let alone articulated why saying “sorry” all the time is unhealthy and indicative of a problem.

Now. This comment is forever long, but it has a happy ending.
I tried shortening it, but this video released a torrent of feelings that led to write as if I were writing in my diary.

Please let my experience encourage anyone out there who is suffering in a toxic relationship and on the fence about leaving. Your life can and will be better than you ever imagined once you take back your power and take a leap of faith in yourself.

Here’s my story:

My father was a true narcist and mom did everything she could to prevent him from yelling. To this day, I can’t handle anyone yelling. But, back to my story. My had a BOOMING voice the like of James Earl Jones. Although we lived in a nice home set back on a large corner lot, our neighbors or anyone walking by could hear him from the street when he yelled namely at my mom.

The remedy: My mom taught us game. She called it "keep the peace." Those were her exact words. She taught us how to submit as a means to survive because my dad only got louder and crueller when you challenged him or tried to speak up for yourself. My mom occasionally tried to stick up for us kids and my dad would shout “stop defending the kids. You can have more kids but you only get one husband.” Plus, he was masterful with language. He could turn any problem into some one else’s fault.

As a result of growing up in such a tumultuous situation, I didn't learn self-respect. I had no sense of dignity and no sense of security. I spent nearly every waking moment trying to guess what my father needed or wanted or thought should happen so I didn't upset him. The result was that I had an extremely narrow vision of the world. Heck. I couldn't afford to pay attention to anything else in the world except him. It's no wonder why I have only been in one relationship, two “situation-ships, ” and one husband of 21 years.

My first boyfriend was more than a decade older than me. He was emotionally abusive and racist yet I stayed for 6 years trying to make it work. I followed that disaster up by dating a much older man who lived in New York City while I lived in Ohio. We had completely opposite values yet I remained available to him all the while he was dating other women for 20 years. I naively thought if I were patient enough, he would one day see me and want me above all others because I didn’t require too much work from him to get the best of me. Last, I married a man 27 years older. He was my dad in a different zip code.

The men could do whatever they wanted because all I knew how to do was appease, appease, and appease some more.

Now. I want to back to my childhood to give you some context. My homelife was so miserable that I began planning my suicide in the seventh grade. That was my release valve. I told myself to hang in there because the day will come that I end the pain. Eventually, things got so bad I was hospitalized three times in my young life for being suicidal.

I reached out to my parents for help once. I said I wanted to go to therapy and that I was depressed. My dad dismissed me by saying “you aren’t depressed and therapists are therapists because they themselves need therapy. That was the end of the discussion.

Fast forward to my late twenties. Unwittingly, I married my father. Warning bells didn't ring sound with this person because his narcissistic behaviors were familiar and comfortable to me. I knew exactly how to keep the relationship going. All I had to do was make myself so small that my husband didn't have to pay attention to my needs. Things got so bad from stuffing my emotions down and letting him walk all over me that I became physically ill. My doctor called my symptoms a conversion disorder. That's when emotional pain becomes physical pain.
Here's on a small list of what I suffered: tremors, panic attacks, instances when I would lose the ability to walk and speak, vertigo, etc.

By the 15th year of my marriage, I was so ill that I could no longer. My husband, who controlled all of the finances and kept me in the dark, blamed me for things being financially difficult. That was bologna by the way. We lived in one of the most expensive areas in the country. I'll never forget the day he said to me, out of the blue, "you know. I've come to accept that you won't be the person I thought you would be. And I'm OK with it now.” Naturally, this plummeted me into another serious depression. And once again, I soothed myself by saying knowing it wouldn’t be long before I took my own life and terminated my misery.

Of course, I ended up back in therapy where my therapist got me to see the abuse. It took three years after knowing I was being abused to consider leaving. Why so long? He convinced me I couldn’t survive without him. I stayed four more years (for a total of 7 years) trying to get my husband to hear me, see me, touch me, go to therapy, etc. He always refused. I even went to couples therapy by myself for 1 1/2 years. Needless to say, couples therapy without the couple doesn't work so nothing changed at home. Rather, things got even worse. My husband spoke to me unlike anyone else. I asked him why he was so foul to me and he said, “because I know I can get away with it.”

Again, it took seven years, but I did finally leave. Soon after he wrote me a letter saying if I didn't come back, he would kill himself. Fortunately, I had been to enough therapy to know that this was the ultimate manipulation so I didn't go back. He carried out his threat on Jan. 5, 2022. Now I am in probate with my step-kids. I helped raise them for more than half of their lives so it’s painful that our relationship has devolved into issues over money. What's worse is that my husband did as much as damage as he could before he killed himself to prevent me from receiving any financial support despite the fact that I was unemployed due to him making me sick.

My friends came to my rescue because my husband cut off what little access I had to any money. He even ended my heath care insurance without telling me so I missed the enrollment period to buy an individual plan with Cobra health insurance.
All of this may sound like a woe is me story. Yet, it’s the opposite.

My husband’s vile treatment forced me to get industrious after we separated so I was able to get by. Later, I received word from the company holding his retirement accounts. They said I was an 80% beneficiary of his accounts. California law saved me because he required my signature to remove me as a beneficiary. He still did some other financial gymnastics that still are causing problems but gone are the days that he can hurt me.

Now I am back in school to get certified to teach Pilates. It pays well enough; besides I enjoy it. I could teach middle and high school drama and filmmaking again to make more money. I have MA in Art Education, but I have absolutely zero interest in going back to teaching. Fifteen years was enough for me.

I share all of this to say to anyone out there having the same troubles as I once had to say. Right now, you are on a cliff. You can stay with devil you know. Things are guaranteed to get progressively worse because you wouldn’t be in such a dire situation if there was a chance for things to get better. So, I say to you take a chance and jump. A soft landing isn’t guaranteed but a once you are free, health, love, and peace become a possibility.

Had I stayed with my husband. I can say with certainty I would be dead now instead of writing this forever long comment.
LOL. Again, for all those people suffering, I say JUMP. Have faith in yourself that you will figure it out. The only other choice is stay on that cliff with your abuser who gets kicks by threatening to push you over the side. JUMP and take the chance you will be pushed away from the person who doesn’t care about you. You will have a better chance of landing on your feet if you control the trajectory.

Much love to Matthew and Stephen Hussey and everyone on his team. I listen to you every morning as part of my morning routine to remind myself that I am worthy of so much more than I have ever been given. Now it's my turn to live.

My world view has expanded because I no longer have to focus on a single person. I see my friends whenever I want and do the things, I have always dreamt of doing.

Best wishes to you all. I am sending peace, love, and light.

Sincerely,

Michelle

[vickyk]

Play this on repeat!!!I ve been all for the peace keeping in a relationship where the slightest comment could trigger moodiness from him and when confronted, escalate into an argument or brief separation! We cant lower our standards just to feed the other person's ego or calm their insecurities... It amazes me how many men(mainly) are so immature and dont have a clue how to trully communicate in a relationship, putting their pride and selfishness first...Makes u wonder if they really loved you or were just living the fantasy of being in love...