How to Move On from Someone you Loved

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Do you ever feel you can't move on from someone you love? Do you ever feel like you are stuck on your ex? Are you afraid that you are never going to get over them? Do you sometimes wonder if they're thinking about you as much as you're thinking about them? Maybe you're still deeply in love with them, and part of you is hoping that they'll come back, even as you know that they've already moved on and it seems like they're never going to return. But part of you hopes that they will. If you want to know how to move on from somebody that you love, first you need to understand why this is happening to you.

In this insightful video transcript, Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist with 15 years of experience in psychology, reveals the two key factors behind feeling stuck on an ex and provides a clear path to overcoming this heartache.

Feeling stuck comes from two key factors:

Oxytocin Addiction: Oxytocin, the "love hormone," is released when you feel close, connected, and bonded with another person. This hormone plays a vital role in creating feelings of safety and well-being. However, if you've experienced a lack of bonding in your upbringing or if you've been love-bombed (intensely showered with affection and approval) by a partner, your brain becomes biochemically addicted to this feeling. This addiction can lead to withdrawal symptoms when the relationship ends, making it difficult to move on.

Dependency on External Sources for Oxytocin: Many people who feel stuck on an ex rely solely on their romantic partner for oxytocin. This dependency stems from attachment issues and can result in unhealthy relationship patterns. It's essential to learn how to build healthy attachments with friends, family, and other sources to fulfill your oxytocin needs.

Adam emphasizes that overcoming these factors is key to moving on and finding relief from heartache. By building strong bonds with others and cultivating healthier relationship structures, you can break free from the cycle of dependency and open yourself to a brighter future.

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - How to Move On from Your Ex
00:01:45 - The Role of Oxytocin in Love Addiction
00:03:50 - The Chemical Addiction in Relationships
00:05:43 - Getting Stuck in Relationships
00:07:33 - Feeling Stuck After a Breakup
00:09:30 - Building Thriving Networks and Meeting Oxytocin Needs
00:11:20 - Assessing Attachment Issues
00:13:12 - Making a Plan for the Next Relationship
00:14:57 - Overcoming Stuck Feelings for an Ex
00:16:45 - Assisting in Relationship Growth

[anthonyflohr]

2 years is nothin, try being stuck for 6+ years. Doesn’t help when they come back multiple times saying they miss you

[Bhreagh]

This is not only for moving on from an ex, but getting away from an unhealthy and sometimes toxic relationship even.

[marik]

I recognize myself... I think the lack of oxytocin is so strong after a break up that I'd do pretty much anything to get more. I was hung on my ex-husband over 7 years and the next guy after that for almost 6 years. I wasted so much time in my life for men who didn't care enough. Now I've found attachment style explanations which helps me to heal, slowly

[GatXAGUNDAM]

thank god it's not another video on avoidant men

[teresaadams]

But loving someone doesn’t only mean that they met your need for oxytocin. What about caring deeply about their wellbeing and wanting to help that and enjoying being in their company and their personality more than anyone else’s.? I think it’s more than strictly hormonal….

[zoeglover]

Withdrawals from oxytocin and dopamine is my life for past month! 😭 After my 1 yr relationship with a disorganised attached guy ends. He love bombed me then destroys it over and over. I'm going to hypnotherapy and trying to take this sadness out of my life.

[jencrews]

Also… The name of my first album is going to be … “I Was Love Bombed and I Liked It.”

[AnI-iffp]

I`d rather never be in a relationship again than "make plans for the next one". chances are way too high that the ones still out there are exactly the ones that will make you go through the very same experience once again...

[gregorystinette]

I'm just totally happy with my dog. WOOF !

[ainikiai]

Hi. First time listening to you. After 3 years of intense living-together love relationship, I left him and his home 4 months ago. I was almost sick for the first 2 months, then I went travelling and then I fell into a toxic depression and I feel stuck. I was searching for information and now I know he is a narcissistic person. Despite this, I still feel energetically very connected to him, which is not "normal", because I never felt so lied to and manipulated and hurt in my life before. I have the tendency to talk to him, to go to him - as I now live only 10 min by foot away in a mountain village. I also never was so strongly in love with a person and even though I left him, I feel stuck and cannot sleep or do other things. I feel lied, empty, left .... hoping for a new chance, although this would kill me, of course.

[jencrews]

Adam, you are truly brilliant at explaining these things. The grocery store metaphor is spot on and very helpful, and the way you breakdown brain chemistry makes it actionable to address while de-shaming some of the things I’ve experienced in the past and clarifying my experience with other people. You have a gift! I really wish my ex would have wanted to work with you because I know it would help him and make his life better, but everyone’s on their own path.

[dingusarelius]

I feel like the dumbest person ever for letting this go on for 13 years.

[Sandra.B]

I wish I could just get my avoidant ex just as stuck... Why this does not happen to them and they move on so quickly while we're left devastated and obsessed..😢

[kw]

I spent 12 years with an avoidant . Yes, it was a roller coaster ride, and there were conflicts due to his behaviour. He left me saying we will never be together and he has moved on.
I invested in them, showed my love, and did my best to understand them. I cared. I just have to remember the good times we shared and move forward . It hurts, I'm angry . I loved them..
Now I am working more on myself and the lessons it's taught me .

[victoriathompson]

It’s been 2 yrs since the break up. I’m having trouble overcoming this.

[amyhines]

The explanations you provide with the layer of how the chemicals work is soooo helpful to really ground these principles! Thank you!!

[MartaHobzova]

I like the piece that we don't need to feel shame about being stuck on someone. It has been happening to me, and your video course and advice is helpful - I've build more oxytocin with family, friends and I feel like I don't attach that quick or in that addictive way anymore 🙂

[Reallgeemachine]

I know that psychiatrist and psychologist are statistically much more likely to be low empathy and high in sociopathic traits. I think there is some kind of fundamental disconnect with the advice and help given. People still seem to hurt and these tricks only ever function to cause us to close off our hearts. I genuinely believe that we are living through a tragic time in history. Free love was a false promise that neglected the grounded needs of the human heart to serve to empty pleasures of our infinite desires. The kind of love that people end up having in the end is more akin to the love and passion I have for my favorite football team this season. Instead of letting go of my ex I will refrain from dating anyone until I can find someone that is only a life long monogamy minded person with little to no past experience with relationships. In that way my divided heart will still love instead of being doused with the waters of disillusionment.

[ForrestMystic]

Yup. Stuck on someone who left me twice. It will never work. And I know that. But I never felt as seen or as safe as I did with him. Every other relationship, I've had to perform for love. This time, I was myself, and I was cared for. We connected intellectually, and I don't usually find people I can have intelligent conversations with, or reveal all of myself. The sex was better than I've ever had, too, and most men aren't good at that. Many men don't care. Intellectually, emotionally, sexually, I don't think I'm ever going do get someone on that level. I still tear up thinking about him and I haven't talked to him since last fall.

[venuspsychicmasseuse]

You are helpful! Wow I love your full Fer real therapeutic recoveries.