Dementia: Calling Strangers Fat (What To Do)

1- Activities Ideas
2- What to say/do for specific challenging behaviors

Thanks for watching!

[macmama]

This happened to me. My Mom, when she was healthy, was the nicest person. She would never hurt someone's feelings. But, in dementia she did this in public. We didn't know she had dementia at that time and I got so angry with her.

[angelag.johnson]

Been through this twice. Glad you are educating others.

[kelly]

My FIL's gerontologist explained that dementia is essentially unlearning everything you learned in reverse order. So initially you might forget how to do complicated things like reconciling checkbooks. Then you lose social skills, advanced language skills and self care. Then basic language, how to dress/feed/use the bathroom. Eventually you lose the most basic infant skills like swallowing without choking.

[Tony-iusw]

No. I found all this weight and I'm not losing it. Find your own

[kkhagen]

We are so lucky in our town that grandpa talks to everyone as if he knows them, and can ask personal questions, and they all reply as if they know him and treat him as an old friend. If he is rude they just ask a different question. It’s gotten to the point we don’t know if they know him or not as a lot of people do know my grandpa 😂
We have only had to step in a few times to deescalate but that was over a year ago now and he was trying to take someone’s car, he thought it was his.

[pinupzombie]

My great grandma had dementia (she passed 3 years ago at 99) and she never said anything ugly, to me atleast. She did call me by my mother’s name though. She would usually say something like “Heidi, since when did you get so tall?” (My mom also had passed but she was 5’2 and I’m 5’8) things like that. She was never hateful towards me or said anything nasty. She did to her daughter (my grandma) maybe I wasn’t around enough. She did recognize me just hours before she passed and said my name for the first time in YEARS! I wanted to cry so bad! Our conversation a week before, She said “oh India, I’m so glad you finally came to see me! Did you graduate high school yet?” (It had been 5 years since I had by this point and I was already in the Army for 4 years by now) I said “I sure did, and now I’m in the Army as a diesel mechanic with cross training in weapons and medical” she said “oh my just like my Clyde, (my great grandfather who passed at 42 from a massive heart attack, and would be how my mother died at 48) he’s here waiting for us to go home”. Just before her death, she kept saying “rock rock, rock rock” in a sing song voice like she used to say when I was a baby and she was trying to rock me to sleep.

[FrictionSlide]

I’m an ER doc and I want to express an emphatic & resounding THANK YOU for the dementia support content you create. 🙏🏼 The tips and tricks that you demonstrate are *unbelievably* helpful. I’ve even begun sharing with patient families and nurses.

This is yet another great tip - I had no idea these cards were available and they are such a kind and clever way to manage what can be a very awkward or embarrassing moment.

[SteeleLife]

A woman at the waiting room at my doctors was yelling about all the fat people and how evil we were because we allowed ourselves to be fat. It first I thought she was a jerk, but realized she wasnt with it. Her partner looked tired. As soon as my nurse took me back I asked her to go help the poor woman. She clearly had pre dementia demons herself related to food/exercise, and was feeling out of control in this random environment.

[kathleen.jane.x]

my grandads favorite nurse was a larger woman in his care home who he called “the big girl”. They got on so well and constantly teased and joked with each other. She was the only member off staff who came to his funeral as gave such a touching speech in tears

[thatgirl]

My grandmother used to do this. She was on a small, local bus with my mom and this larger woman got on and my grandmother said loudly “Why is she so FAT?”. Another time I was on the same bus with her and several older Asian ladies got on and she asked, again loudly, “What are all these old orientals doing here?”. I practically died of embarrassment. Luckily she didn’t go out much.

[SeaJayTea]

My grandma and I were very close. I call the dementia her "first death", because while she had always been a little cantankerous, she became downright vicious as the dementia worsened (especially if she thought I was my mom). Loved her dearly all the same, but patience was often in short supply, as it was frustrating and heartbreaking to see her that way. It's hard being a caretaker. Sending you all warm thoughts and strength. Thank you for these videos.

[gloriabeckley]

The most embarrassing moment I had with my mother in public was at the grocery store. She saw an Asian couple, walked up to them and asked if they have egg rolls. I was mortified! They laughed. I told them she has Alzheimer’s and apologized. I picked up Chinese takeout on the way home.

[bakedatassup]

I WISH thats all my pawpaw did. He was extremely racist and would try to walk down the road with a gun. First we removed the bullets/shells from the same location and put better locks on the door. Then he got out again with a gun and was returned by police. My grandma was basically deaf so you can imagine her surprise when an officer shook her awake at daybreak.
Edit: for all the people wondering why a gun stayed in the home after the initial issue- at the time my grandparents lived in the home alone, just the two of them. I was actually in high school when that happened but I moved in with them after graduation to care for him and also my grandmother because she had been diagnosed with colon cancer and was going through chemo. By the time i moved in there were no guns in the house and he had limited mobility. Anyway, from my understanding it was upon my grandmother's request that the gun stayed in the home but bullets were removed from the home. They lived in a high crime area and she was scared they would be targeted because of their age. Her thinking, remove the bullets and Noone can get hurt but I still have a scary item to flash at a robber should it come to that.
I didn't expect people to judge my deceased grandparents for a safety choice that happened about 15 years ago. I, personally, feel like the best choice was made for not only everyones safety but my grandmother's peace of mind considering what she was going through. For clarification, my pawpaw was never a gun nut. I never even seen him shoot a gun or talk about guns in my entire life. We never even considered that he would have an intrest in the gun until it happened. It was completely out of character. Yes, he was racist. It wasn't a secret. But he wasn't a "it's my 2nd amendment right!", yee-haw, *chewing tobacco spit* type of racist.

[Emily-qgej]

My grandfather thought his nursing home was some foreign place he was being held as a POW (he served in WW2) . He “escaped” over a 8 ft tall fence despite being nearly 90. Bless the man that found him and listened to him. He had walked a mile to a car dealership. He was trying to get a truck so he could go “rescue” the other “prisoners”.

[RealMexFoodShouldntGiveUDrrhea]

This is why I don’t argue with older folks who are not with it. A lot of them are just out and about with early dementia and no one to care for them. I know they’re confused. Thank you for educating

[mandala]

I think the only thing I'll need when I'm that old is "let's get some ice cream" that will work for *everything* 😅

[LivingDeadBabyDoll]

Omg thanks for spreading awareness and this tactic around! I’m a specialized psych dr. and as much as possible I volunteer to treat CPS kids with mental illnesses and disabilities, veterans, and long term low functioning patients, and the cards are ALWAYS a MUST. Some people don’t exactly receive them the right way and it doesn’t always go perfectly, but it’s a hell of a lot better than making the patient feel even more awful uncomfortable and out of place. Love what you’re doing, keep it up and bless you ❤

[Emily]

I appreciate you educating others without having to actually film people with dementia. I see so many caregivers and family members filming their parents/loved ones, who have dementia claiming it’s “awareness.” But they have no idea what’s going on and can’t consent to their mental and physical decline being posted on the internet. It’s disgusting

[eMegMBea]

I work with dementia patients and this makes me think of a specific lady who walked around calling everyone a "fat ass" or a "big fat dummy" 😂 we would just tell jer that that wasn't nice to say

[kimnotkardashian]

I’m studying the neuroscience of bipolar and there’s a lot of overlap between bipolar and dementia in terms of neurotoxins causing personality changes and emotional dysregulation and i appreciate people like you educating others on how to be compassionate to people suffering mental illnesses ❤