How to Look Beautiful

How beautiful one feels has nothing to do with how one looks on the outside — and everything to do with one’s inner sense of worth.

FURTHER READING

“When we are very concerned about certain of our physical features — a nose that is stubbornly a bit too large, eyes that are slightly too far apart, hair that is not as lustrous as it should be — we miss an overall point about our relationship to our appearance: how beautiful we feel has nothing to do with the objective structure of our face or body; it isn’t what we look like that counts. It’s how we feel inside. Our self-assessments are in the end solely based on our relative degrees of self-love and self-contempt…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Josh Saunders

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[didurtt]

‘Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty.’

Wow.

[PatrickPacatang]

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm Forbes

[EHRafi]

The School of life changed my life. Your videos makes me calm and I can enjoy my life a lot more. Whenever I feel depressed or tensed I rewatch some videos. That helps a lot.

[VallisYT]

It's funny how the things that bother us the most about our appearance are in many cases not even noticed by others, and if they are noticed, the other person seldom if ever cares about it as much as we do. Realizing that you are not the center of other people's lives can be simultaneously frustrating and yet immensely liberating.

[Lonestardebater]

"The more anxious we are about the judgement of others, the more our refection has the power to horrify us. The issue is never that of appearance. It is about our sense of our vulnerability to humiliation."
This is so well said.

[cassidynoelle]

It’s interesting how, when you love yourself, it’s easier to lose weight and care for yourself better, merely because you no longer fear rejection and judgement.

[IM-uhtk]

"The issue is never about our appearance. It's about our vulnerability to humiliation."
"Feeling ugly comes from a deficit of love, never of beauty."
Wow. Thank you for this video. I wish I could like it more than once.

[barabaramoo]

For anybody feeling down about your looks, I just want to say a couple of things from a fellow "ugly" person:

1. Beauty is a young person's game. Once you hit 40+, it won't matter as much because everyone is middle aged, mellowed out, hopefully, more mature. Just be patient.
In the mean time, work on things that get better with age: Good Relationships, Intelligence, Skill.

2. You get used to somebody's face. There are SO many instances in my life where I watch a youtuber and think "They're so weird looking" but watching all their content gets me used to their face and suddenly they start getting more attractive. This happens to co-workers, classmates, etc. people you see daily. This can work in your favor as well.

3. If you're not attractive, focus on hygiene and health. If you are always well kept, smell good and look clean/smart/put together, you up your attractiveness points. Imagine a really hot person walking up to you, and then they open their mouth and let out the stinkiest breath you've ever smelled. Are you still attracted? lol

4. Unless you want to pursue a career in media, you don't have to be SUPER attractive. No need to bend over backwards to aim for celebrity looks. Just aim to be pleasant and healthy (see number 3). Chances are, you're already fine.

5. Recognize that "feeling ugly" equates to "feeling unworthy or unwanted". Like the video said, ugliness stems from feeling "unworthy" when you were younger. The line "people were not happy when you arrived", struck me so much. I'm always in the constant battle of feeling unloved or unwanted. This requires some self-searching and meditation to fully understand what it means to you. I can't tell you what works for you, but for me, I found joy in pursuing a career I can excel at, and that helped with feelings of worthlessness.

Bonus: Statistically, you're probably average, and not as ugly as you think you are. I say this because when everyone tells me "it's the inside that counts" it just sounds so hokey and sentimental. I found that using logic and science works for me. Maybe it will work for you too.

[riggs]

I’ve grown a bit disillusioned with this channel. The writers assume that our problems stem from a traumatic if not abusive childhood. This pops up in many of their videos. I think they do us a disservice by assuming this. I suffer from mental health issues, and I had a wonderful childhood. I am sorry to say that I’m finding this channel more frustrating than helpful. For those of you who have been helped, I wish you peaceful, happy lives in the future!

[disheswash]

I see pics of girls with different size noses who are not willing to change to be in line with “beauty standards” and they look shimmering and stunning because they hold their heads high. I’m envious (only in a healthy appropriate way) of how they STAND OUT)

[gljtiamo]

"Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never a deficit of beauty"
Profound & true words, School of Life, profound and true

[ai]

" _The way to help someone feel beautiful is not to compliment them on their looks, it is to take an interest and delight in their psychological essence._ "

Well said.

[ellaaa]

My mum is and always was a loving, understanding and encouraging mum. Her mum, on the other hand, was a mum that was very critic, judgmental, she never gave her daughter the ensurance to be good enough.
What happened, was that my mum ALWAYS tried to make me feel good about my self. She complimented me on my appearance, told me how beautiful and smart I was. I can tell you, even if she did it with the best intentions, today I am obsessed with looking good, being smart, and I feel like everyone can immediately see my flaws if I am not trying to hide them under a loud and extrovert self and nice clothes.

Ones relationship with appearances is always complicated and telling people they‘re beautiful does sometimes even make it worse.

[DemetriPanici]

*“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius*

[elli]

some of us have really fucked up childhood, careless parents, siblings, uncles, aunts and all those who were there when we grow and there comment really matter im in my teen but i still feel ugly because my aunt always said you dont look like your father u dont have fair skin etc but i swear to god you are not alone we are here together and maybe not today not tommorow we will overcome it and we will stand with our head held high . i wish you all an amazing life .peace and love

[yourcalmplace]

I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨

[abishaicampbell]

People usually don’t consciously notice our appearance. However, subconsciously, we’re constantly noting things about others. We will talk to good looking people with a little more attention to what we say. We will feel a slight sense of superiority talking to someone shorter than us. Its just part of our flawed human nature. But these subconscious judgments are only surface level placeholders for our actual personalities. And most people are willing to change those placeholders easier than we think. So we’re better off just not giving a fck what people think of us.

[vladimirhorna]

Thank you for dealing with such a relevant issues and thus helping at least few people in need who aren’t lucky enough to find support anywhere else

[thechancellor-]

To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.

[Leo-mrqz]

I turned to sweets when my alcoholic mother would neglect me when I was a child. Because of this I was a big kid. I got teased & shamed by my peers, daily. By high-school I was excessively exercising and starving myself. It became an obsession to stay in shape. By college, that was all I ever thought about. I would wake up at 4am to get a workout in before my first class, & be exhausted through classes all day.
To this day, at age 46, I exercise daily, watch my calories and pay more attention to my appearance than needed. I feel if I am able to look a certain way I won't attract the negative attention from hecklers and naysayers. It's a defensive mechanism. I know it's not healthy, but accepting myself has always been the hardest task in life for me. 😔