How a Man Becomes Cold Hearted

#sigmamale #masculinity #selfimprovement

Referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood, the avoidant-dismissive attachment style is one of the three insecure adult attachment styles identified in psychological literature. Parents who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough might raise children with an avoidant attachment style. As adults, these children appear confident and self-sufficient. They do not tolerate emotional or physical intimacy and might not be able to build healthy relationships. What’s more, in the workplace, they are often seen as the independent, ‘lone wolf’.

Have you ever wondered why some people do not want to depend on or truly connect with anyone, even when in a relationship? Most of us aim to build strong relationships throughout our lives. We are ‘hungry’ for love and affection. Why? Because emotional intimacy with people that we can trust has many advantages. Namely, we are able to share our thoughts and feelings openly, we receive support and reassurance, we feel heard, appreciated, valued, and consequently, we feel calm and safe.

Emotional closeness can provide us with a feeling of stability – we are not going through life alone; we have someone to rely on. If we feel safe and valued by others, we are also able to maintain a higher self-esteem and a positive outlook on life. If you are someone that needs to have close relationships and wants to rely on others (and have others rely on you), you have probably wondered why some people lack these basic human desires. How do they even make it work? The truth is, this is most often not a conscious choice. The way we form relationships as adults has a lot to do with the way we formed our first social bonds as children with our caregivers.

[TinyGoHomes]

It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that you care too much. Having a lack of emotions is a defensive mechanism gained from living in such a uncaring society.

[theonejmv]

When you've been burned, abused, betrayed, fired, silenced, and pushed aside, you understand a fellow cold hearted man

[smc]

_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."_
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

[MegaphoneFranke]

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”

- George Carlin

[NeedHelpCat]

When your kindness is criticized and your failures are over reacted.. it's a canon event

[Mr.EeToMyself]

What makes a man broken hearted?
Having every dream stolen
...and villianized for trying to save them.

[cameronbates]

My uncle told my dad once “ A man doesn’t become a true man until he’s had his heart broken.” I feel like this is true after having it happen to me.

[DarknetDude]

They don’t appreciate when you have a warm heart, but they’ll notice when you’re cold hearted.

[kerzu]

If you ever been snaked by someone you trusted. You stop trusting everyone.

[alpinewolf]

I was the nice guy and got exploited, lied to, betrayed, hurt and disrespected.
As a consequence, I consciously worked and work on not being that guy anymore. My life is much better now. At least for me. Don't care about what anybody else thinks of that anymore but I quite enjoy how much more careful and respectful people have started to become towards me.

[misterniceguy]

You start out as a carefree happy child, but when you experience bad people, bullies, horrible tragedies, and corruption it changes you for the worse.

[TheWimaz]

There is so much truth in this. Especially when the whole of society tells us to just "man up" and bottle up these feelings...
Stay strong kings, and take time to heal.

[TheRabbitHasLanded]

I had always wondered how other guys became so heartless and uncaring for others, to their partners. Then it happened to me and it all makes sense now.

[Justineyedia]

Our empathy is used against us. It makes you weak and codependent. Use compassion and sympathy with wisdom. Call it sympathetic compassion. And there is a time and a place for it. Empathy without boundaries is self destruction. There are 4 attachment styles. I have the avoidant style. Because of my experiences I choose to be avoidant of love. Its a threat to my sanity and sobriety. Still alot of unresolved conflict or trauma.

[Thorfinn]

"Treat everyone the same way you want to be treated" turns out to be bullshit.

[kalebsut]

Becoming ruthless and lacking empathy has really helped me to focus on reaching my goals and not fkin caring about anyone that gets in my way. Best thing to happen to me for years.

[rickjay]

That's why I loved the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix. You understood why he lost it at the end. You get tired of being damaged everywhere you turn. The pain of your childhood, betrayal, and abandonment by lovers all plays a role in giving a man a cold heart. That's the best way to live, completely detached, because the world is inevitably a cold place, and just being a man in general is a thankless role.

[paul]

The worst experiences in my life happened because I wasn't detached and cold enough. I tried to go above and beyond to do the right thing, but my good will was only ever taken advantage of. Stoicism can be helpful in many situations.

[c.r.chandler]

I remember at one point during year eight as a homicide detective, a friend said/asked me "why are you so cold? You don't seem to care about anyone or anything anymore?" I told her that my heart had been broken so many times that it didn't exist anymore. Emotions are a luxury that keep me from doing what you and society need me to do.

[bravo]

I was betrayed by my best friend, and I can honestly attest to this. I try to be kindhearted and open, but it’s very hard to trust people nowadays.